Friday, April 20, 2012
Now Let’s Play “What’s My Line?”
Remember that old TV game show where celebrity panelists put on blindfolds and tried to guess the identity of a famous person as the mystery guest? Let’s tune in to today’s program.
- I was born in one country, raised in another.
- My father was born in another country.
- I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women.
- I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me….
- My mother died at an early age from cancer.
- Later in life, questions arose over my real name.
- My birth records were sketchy and no one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate.
- I grew up practicing one faith but converted to Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my country, but I practiced non-traditional beliefs & didn’t follow Christianity, except in the public eye under scrutiny.
- I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared about them.
- That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life and I embarked on a new career.
- I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was clear to those who read my memoirs that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child.
- I became active in local politics in my 30s then with help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a candidate for national office in my 40s. They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything. That reinforced my conceit.
- I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks.
- I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances. This bolstered my ego.
- At first, my political campaign focused on my country’s foreign policy. I was very critical of my country in the last war and seized every opportunity to bash my country.
- But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country’s economy. I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better and every poor person would be fed and housed for free.
- I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess. It was the free market, banks & corporations. I decided to start making citizens hate them and if they were envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight.
- I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics and was able to gain widespread popular support.
- I knew that, if I merely offered the people “hope,” together we could change our country and the world. So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include “persecuted minorities.” My true views were not widely known and I needed to keep them unknown, until after I became my nation’s leader.
- I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with. I’m glad they didn’t.
- Then I became the most powerful man in the world. And the world learned the truth.
So Who Am I?
Wait a minute, all you Birthers out there (including Donald Trump). Before you all say Barack Hussein Obama, please let us give you a clue. With all the Liberals’ convulsions over Gun Control and Concealed Carry Permits, Hurley the Historian says it’s amazing Kneepad Liberals aren’t celebrating Adolph Hitler’s 123nd birthday today. After all, if there was ever a guy who believed in Gun Control, it was “der Fuehrer.” No wonder our Quote for Today Committee chose Hitler’s “What luck for rulers that men do not think.”
Noted ACLU Attorney Scott Greenwood was really sad Cincinnati City Clown-cil said Nazis for Peace had to delay their scheduled visit to Cincinnati to commemorate Hitler’s Birthday. Maybe they’ll be in for Don Imus’ Birthday on July 23. But that shouldn’t stop the rest of us from celebrating with a little Furor over the Fuehrer. So now, from “The Producers,” let’s all sing “Springtime for Hitler”:
Germany was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found the man for you and me
And now it’s…Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay!
We’re marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race!
As Marge Schott always used to say, “They just don’t write songs like that anymore.”
Welcoming Edward Cropper
At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about those editorial illustrations focusing on national events that will soon be appearing in The Blower.
“For years, Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus has been asking us to find somebody to create artwork to compliment his national news coverage,” Kane explained.
“And since The Blower has always been known for encouraging new talent,” Kane added, “it wasn’t surprising when Award-Winning Illustrator Artis Conception showed us the work of young Edward Cropper, one of his students at the Conception School of Political Parody, that we would only be too happy to show our readers young Mr. Cropper’s photo-shopped editorial spoofs on current events.”
Today, young Mr. Cropper says, “Look who’s suddenly interested in being a Secret Service Agent.”
You can find more of his clever commentary on his own web site.
Stories We’re Working On
More GSA waste and abuse- Obama’s government workers collect unemployment while working
- Romney suspects Media Supporting Obama Media
- Obama bites dog
- Norma Rashid and Charlie Luken reunited at charity event
- Fourth District GOP honors Goof Doofus
- How about them Reds?
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said most politicians in Kentucky planned to spend Earth Day:
(A) Telling people how much they care about the environment: 2%
(B) Wearing something green: 1%
(C) Thanking Goof Doofus for retiring: 1%
(D) Slinging mud: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Re-Distributing the Wealth
This week, everybody who thinks Obama’s plans to Tax the Rich instead of Cutting Spending is not the way to balance the Federal Budget, e-mailed his entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted Conservative Economist Supply-Side Tadwell, who says, “Even if the ‘rich’ gets defined down to the top 10% of income tax filers — whose average annual household income is at least $114,000 — the level of revenue from even a 100% tax would still not close the budget gap.”
Supply-Side wins an “Economists Are Sexy” T-Shirt, a box full of Economics books from the Joseph Beth Bisexual Bookstore auction, and a really low evaluation for his house from our Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor, since property values have dropped dramatically from what properties had been assessed last year. His winning limerick is:
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Does our national debt have neither ceiling nor floor?
What Obama is really spreading around,
Isn’t wealth, but manure, so we’ve found.
It’s just socialism through the back door.
Do the rich really want to pay more,
Or is this part of Obama’s Marxist war?
Warren Buffett is all hot to shell out;
Does he want us to think he’s a good Cub Scout,
Even though all his assets are offshore?
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still working on his taxes):
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Why, just axe Obama, he’ll say “Sure!”
He gets it free anyways
Why should he care what he pays?
In 200 days, we’ll show him the door.
“Tax the rich,” the socialists say!
“We don’t care what they have to pay”
But if they took all the “rich’s” money,
It wouldn’t make a dent, Honey
The problem is government spending, OK?
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Well, according to liberals, sure!
But don’t jobs come from the rich?
Use your head, you sumbitch!
You’re not gonna get hired by the poor!
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Here’s what happened to the Reds this year”
HITLER HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOT LINE
E-mail your best wishes to Adolph today.
Some goose-stepping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally goose-stepping subscribers.
Link of the Day
Obama Compared to Hitler
(YouTube says you might be offended, but they don’t know our readers)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.