Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Real E-mails from Real Subscribers
Obama’s top campaign adviser David Axelrod made it clear on Sunday that Obama has no plans to pay any extra money from to defray the deficit after his tax returns showed he paid a lower effective tax rate than his secretary. He just wants you to pay more. —Fox News- You have to be in the loop to take advantage of tax loopholes. —Millionaires in Congress
- Tax Freedom Day in Ohio arrived last week on April 12 this year, when Ohioans earned enough money to pay this year’s tax obligations at the federal, state and local levels. —The Tax Foundation
- FDR became a Good DemocRAT on that date in 1945. —Hurley the Historian
- That’s why we chose FDR’s “Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
- Most people don’t have to keep their tax records for more than three years, but if we suspect you’re a tax cheat, we’ll make you produce every document from the day you were born. —Your Friends at the IRS
Please don’t forget to pay your taxes today. 21 million illegal aliens are depending on you. —Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose- Until we have a simple flat tax without all that paperwork, over-paid members of Congress should be forced to fill out every one of their constituents’ tax forms for free. —Angry Over-taxed Payers
- There should be no withholding. No phony “refunds.” If folks had to write really big checks on TAX DAY, people would actually know how much they’re paying. —Turbo-Taxers on a Rant
- Did anybody notice how I borrowed a line from Monday’s Blower to use in my speech at Sunday’s Tax Day Rally when I said politicians might act differently if elections were held on Tax Day? —“Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup
The best part about my new job at that public radio station is how much lower my taxes will be. —Huggable Howard Wilkinson- Did you see how we finally followed The Blower’s lead and reported Votto was being paid $138,888 per game? —Feckless Fishwrappers
- Stop the Presses! Rumor has it Obama will be appointing Former Pants Dropper In Chief Bill Clinton to investigate all that “Under Cover” activity in the Secret Service. —Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception
After working on my taxes all weekend, I now have 1040 more reasons to hate the government. —Ken CamBoo- Don’t forget— my staffers will be working until midnight tonight at all my H&R Doofus offices to help all my constituents get their taxes done. —Goof Doofus
- Is the tax on booze deductible? —Nathan “Cornbread” Smith and Michael Liquid Plummer
- Am I allowed to deduct all those fines I have to pay for filing frivolous lawsuits? —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
- How about elevator shoes? —Steve “I’m 5’0, Not 4’11” Mergele
Every year on April 15, I help Will “The Thrill “Terwort work on his extension. —Phyllis on Madison - Does Beano qualify as a deductible prescription? —Clueless Marc Wilson
- Can inflatable sheep be considered an entertainment expense? —Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams
- How about Clairol? —Blondie Whalen
- Did Sticky Fingers ever declare his embezzlement income from the Civic Club? —Vanilla Hills Vigilantes
- You’ll never guess what we claimed as deductions. —Uptight Bitches in Fort Mitchell
Is it legal for me to deduct for all those lunches when I tried to bribe Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane to plug my book? —Rick “The Batboy” Robinson- By now you will have probably learned that taxation “with representation” isn’t so hot either. —The Founding Fathers
- Could you please tell us which one of our local TV anchor babes got a boob reduction and why? —Horny in Hebron
- Trish the Dish wants to know exactly when everybody’s taxes are due. —TV 19 News
- It’s a funny thing. Sheree Paolello asked me the same question last night. —Jack Atherton
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower ridicules tax procrastinators to show that not filing your taxes on time is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t filing an extension.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially our Procrastinator of the Year.
TAX CHEATS HOTLINE
e-mail your dishonest deductions today.
Some less-than-honest items in today’s Blower were sent in by our less-than-honest items subscribers.
Over-Taxed Payers’ Link of the Day
Senator Harry Reid Explains Our Voluntary Tax System
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here