Special “Gas Gripes” E-dition

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Real E-mails from Real Subscribers

  • Sunday we discovered the “Real Meaning of Easter” was Hollow Chocolate Messiah Bunnies. —Befuddled Biblical Scholars
  • And this year at the White House Easter Egg hunt, Barack the Bunny gave us giant Easter Eggs filled with debt. —Your Grandchildren
  • Only about 30,000 people showed up to hear my “Sermon on the Hill” in Texas on “Savior Sunday.” —Tim Tebow
  • High gasoline prices are a big problem for the country, but only because they hurt Obama’s re-election chances. —Kneepad Liberals in the Press
  • Just because it was one of the most-played pieces of audio from the Trayvon Martin story, please stop asking why one of our producers purposely edited Zimmerman’s 9-1-1 call to make him appear racist and fan the flames of racism with just “209” more days until the Presidential Elections. —NBC News
  • If you think I’m going to chance a grand jury not indicting Trayvon Martin’s racist murderer, you got another think coming. —Florida Special Persecutor Angela “I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Grand Juries” Corey
  • At least our staff is diversified. —Obama Re-election Campaign Liars
  • Would it be OK if some of us Republicans in Congress followed up on The Blower’s idea to change how government measures unemployment to include those 87,897,000 who gave up looking for work, because real unemployment stands at 19.1%, something the Obama Supporters in the Press will never report? —Congressman Duncan Hunter
  • Has anybody seen that second video from the General Services Administration’s (GSA) controversial and ritzy Las Vegas conference in which employees of the federal agency joke that their environmentally friendly initiatives were intended to earn President Obama good press? —GOP House Oversight Committee Chairman Darrell Issa
  • On this date in 1933, FDR established the Civilian Conservation Corps (a federally funded organization that put thousands of Americans to work during the Great Depression on projects with environmental benefits), or as Obama would call it, “The good old days.” —Hurley the Historian
  • No wonder we chose Oscar Wilde’s “Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
  • Iowa Republican Senator Chuck Grassley was really an asshole for Tweeting how stupid Obama is. —Obama Political Adviser David Axelrod
  • Stop the Presses, Racial Healing Fans— for the second time in three weeks, one of CNN’s reporters said “Nigger” on live TV. —The Daily Caller
  • Does anybody remember when Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder claimed there’s no proof that in-person voter fraud is a problem? He’s about to see proof that even he can’t deny. —Breitbart News
  • When I’m unanimously endorsed to take over the Ohio RINO Party again on Friday the 13th, will any of the newer Tea Party members on the Central Committee be asking why my protégé Kevin DeWhine was the one who replaced me back then? —Boob Bennett
  • So far we haven’t been able to identify that mysterious local member who supposedly nominated Alex T., Mall Cop GOP to continue to lead the Hamilton County RINO Party in the Wilderness. —Local Tea Partiers
  • All those Trouble-Making Tea Partiers don’t scare us. —Clermont County Cronies
  • Most Real Republicans are just so relieved “Mean Jean” Schmidt was beaten in last month’s Republican Primary, they really don’t care to know if the guy who beat her is ready to be in Congress or not. —DemocRAT Dirt-Diggers
  • And now that William R. Smith of Pike County won the recount for Ohio’s Second Congressional District DemocRAT Primary, what will David Kevorkain do? Was that his “Last Lap?” —Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception

  • Why did Tax Freedom Day arrive in Kentucky on Monday, but Ohio over-taxed payers will still have to work until April 12 to pay their total tax bills? Everybody knows your state and local taxes are lower in Kentucky. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo 
  • And Tax Freedom Day doesn’t arrive in Indiana until Saturday. —Hoosier Daddy
  • The Official Whistleblower Bluegrass Primary Election Countdown Calendar says Primary Elections in the Bluegrass are still scheduled for May 22. —The League of Women Vipers
  • That means there are only 42 mudslinging days until our May 22 primaries in Kentucky. — Thomas Massie, Judge Once Moore, Brian D. Oerther, Alecia Webb-Edgington, Tom Wurtz, Marcus Carey, and Walter C. Schumm
  • We’re glad none of those Republican candidates were busy exploiting Easter for political purposes on Sunday. —Bluegrass Blasphemers
  • Don’t forget— my staffers will be working late every night till April 17 at my H&R Doofus offices to help my constituents get their taxes done. —Goof Doofus
  • The reason Tax Day is two days later than usual is because of Emancipation Day which falls on April 16, whatever the hell that is. —Redneck Republicans 
  • Hey, Obama fans—check our prices at the pump today! —Northern Kentucky Gasoline Gougers
  • Is it too soon to order Reds playoff tickets? —Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather
  • Mom and I haven’t been getting too much publicity lately, but things should pick up after our attorney finishes his 61-day suspension from the Bluegrass Bar Association in two weeks. —Sarah Jones
  • Trish the Dish wants to know if the Reds are mathematically eliminated yet. —TV 19 News
  • Sheree Paolello wants to know how many games Joe Votto has to play before he earns his first million dollars this year. —Jack Atherton

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

                  Sometimes The Blower ridicules tax-and-spendthrift politicians to show that confiscating all of our hard-eared cash is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t just about to start doing his taxes this week.

 

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially ordinary over-taxed payers, using this pencil sharpener to do their taxes.    

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Obama 2012: From ‘Hope’ to Hypocrisy

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