Monday, April 9, 2012
A Twitter From God
Yesterday was Easter Sunday, so we e-mailed God to ask why He doesn’t stop all that teenage violence, especially at schools. And God Twittered back: “Maybe because I’m no longer allowed in schools.”
How’d all this get started?
Remember when Madeline Murray O’Hare complained she didn’t want any prayer in our schools, and we said, OK?
Then, someone said you better not read the Bible in school, the Bible that says “Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbors as yourself,” and we said, OK.
Dr. Benjamin Spock said, “We shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem.”
And someone said, “An expert should know what he’s talking about so we won’t spank them anymore.” So we said, “OK.”
Then someone said, “Teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. And school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don’t want any bad publicity, and we surely don’t want to be sued.” And we accepted their reasoning.
Then someone said, “Let’s let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won’t even have to tell their parents.” And we said, “That’s a grand idea.”
Then some wise school board member said, “Since boys will be boys and they’re going to do it anyway, let’s give our sons all the condoms they want, so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won’t have to tell their parents they got them at school.” And we said, “That’s another great idea.”
Then some of our top elected officials said, “It doesn’t matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs.” And we said, “It doesn’t matter what anybody, including the President, does in private as long as we have jobs and the economy is good.”
And someone else took that a step further, publishing pictures of nude children, and making them available on the Internet. And we said, “Everyone’s entitled to free speech.”
And then children began “sexting” nude pictures of each other on their cell phones.
And the entertainment industry said, “Let’s make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence, and illicit sex. And let’s record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes.”
And we said, “It’s just entertainment and it has no adverse effect and nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.”
Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, classmates, or even themselves.
Think about it.
HEAVENLY HOT LINE
E-mail your enthusiastic epiphanies today
Some sacrilegious items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally sacrilegious subscribers.
Blasphemous Links of the Day
Taxes— If 10% is Good Enough for God
PLUS
Easter Sermon at Obama’s Church
The Easter Bunny Hates You
This is the whole tragic story! If only we had known . . .
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.