Friday, March 23, 2012
Top Ten List
Today it’s the Top Ten Excuses Ohio RINO Party Boss Kevin DeWhine got caught squandering Republican Party resources to defeat fellow Republicans in the March 6 primaries:
10. I forgot
9. The dog ate it
8. She told me she loved me
7. I did it to help the homeless
6. The Devil made me do it
5. I just wanted to be loved–is there anything wrong with that?
4. I’m Mike DeWhine’s cousin
3. I was framed
2. This whole thing is just one big terrible mistake
…and the Number One Reason Ohio RINO Party Boss Kevin DeWhine got caught squandering Republican Party resources to defeat fellow Republicans in the March 6 primaries is… Ohio Republican Secretary of State Jon Husted said nobody would ever find out.
And in a Related Story…
Republicans for Higher Taxes is urging everyone to support Kevin DeWhine as Ohio Republican Party Chairman. By squandering Republican Party resources to defeat fellow Republicans in Republican primaries rather than save the money to defeat the DemocRATS in November, DeWhine has increased the chances that Barack Obama and Sherrod Brown will carry Ohio. Kevin is also one of the closest allies of 2010 Tax Hiker of the Year Jon Husted and has worked tirelessly to make him next in line for Governor. Republicans for Higher Taxes think that’s great leadership and therefore want DeWhine to remain as Chairman.
More March Madness
In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says everybody’s buzzing about that big NCAA men’s basketball game between UC and Ohio State. Imagine— Our Pete Rose Betting Tips say UC is only seven-point underdog. The Blower says don’t bet that they’ll beat the spread.
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus remembers last week Obama hopped on Air Force One for an over-taxed payer funded re-election campaign photo op during half time at a first-round small time NCAA tournament game in Dayton, where he got interviewed on cable channel TruTV? Yesterday, over-taxed payers flew him back to Columbus for another campaign speech. What a coincidence! The line of OSU students waiting for tickets was almost as long as the line at the unemployment office.
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1775, Patrick Henry said, “Give me Liberty or Give me Death,” but we’re sure nothing Obama said yesterday to attempt to defend his indefensible energy policy in Columbus will be anywhere as memorable, although you could be sure all our Obama Supporters in the Press would be doing their best.
Troublemaking Tailgater Tino Delgato says Cincinnati’s Girly Mayor Mark Mallory really put the whammy on UC. He bet the Columbus Mayor on the UC would win the game. Everybody was surprised he bet ice cream. Tino thought he’d be betting some of that million dollar soul food from Mahogany’s. Better yet Mallory would retire if lost; that way there would be some consolation. Go Figure!!!
- Speaking of easy-to-get-into events, how about the Cincinnati New Extreme Liberal City Clown-cil’s big public hearing to generate support for their proposed four-year terms. Fewer than a dozen people showed up and only four asked to speak, one of whom was Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka, who thought four-year terms for DemocRATS on Clown-cil was a wonderful idea.
Once again, That Lame-Duck Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt refused to answer questions about her surprise loss in the March 6 Primary Election. Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Oliver Goldsmith’s “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.” Mean Jean’s News Flack Barrett Brunsman says maybe if she keeps ignoring the question, the news media will forget that she lost. Curiously enough, with those dirt-diggers from the DemocRAT Opposition Researcher Squad still hard at work, folks in “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s Press Office are doing their very best not to remind them.- Finally, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, basketball fans were asking Charles Foster Kane about that time he drove to Louisville to watch his UC classmate Oscar Robertson and the rest of the UC men’s basketball team in the Final Four at Freedom Hall in Louisville. “It was really an eventful journey,” Kane explained, especially the part where I learned everything I ever wanted to know about Southern small town justice. I was arrested for allegedly ‘passing an unloading school bus’ that was really a ‘fruit truck.’ I sort of got the idea that the fix was in when I entered the Carrollton, Kentucky courtroom and the judge greeted the arresting officer “Hello, Son.”
More Cincinnati Mess
We have more information to follow up on our story yesterday about former Michigan football player and drifter Odis Jones being named as Cincinnati economic development director. He hasn’t started here yet, but his shadowy past precedes him.
Odis Jones has bounced around in jobs more than a basketball during March Madness.
One of the multitude of jobs he had was as city administrator in Keokuk, Iowa. He stayed at that job for a total of four months before bouncing to the next one. He was paid $8,000 by the town to help buy a home in Keokuk. Instead, he pocketed the money and rented a small apartment. He never brought his supposed wife and family to the town. He insisted on coming in as a new hire with six weeks vacation. He also demanded paid membership in any club of his choice. He had a travel allowance and the city fathers suspected he used city money for plane tickets to fly to job interviews in other states. It was common knowledge during his employment that he was out of the city more than he was in it. When he left after four months, to take yet another job, he blatantly demanded severance pay, which he did not receive.
As a new hire, meeting the Keokuk police chief for the first time, Jones told him, “In my previous jobs I’ve hired and fired police chiefs. And I can fire you.”
While Jones was in Keokuk, there were multiple disturbing reports of sexual harassment. In the city hall offices he was known to come up behind female employees and rub his crotch against them, then claim it was an accident. With other employees, he would stand too close to them. He told several female employees of his wish for them to perform oral sex on him. He told the city clerk, who had red hair, “I’m a member of the Mile High Club, but I’ve never had sex with a redhead on a plane yet.”
Is this what we can expect in Cincinnati?
Bluegrass Builders
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says the Home Builders Association of Northern Kentucky is holding a forum for the folks who want to replace Goof Doofus as our next Congressman. The Blower found it amusing that not one candidate found it necessary to ask the builders what is causing all the flooding in and around the subdivisions being developed in Northern Kentucky and to see if they believed SD#1 was doing and adequate job managing these storm water programs.- Ken CamBoo said he was especially surprised that Judge Once Moore from Boondoggle County did not propose digging a tunnel from Boondoggle County to Louisiana to ship all the algae being produced in the holding ponds of Boondoggle County to one of the refineries Obama plans to build to replace the oil refineries now being used to propel our economic engine.
Ken said it will be interesting to see the fight which could develop between Judge Once Moore and the Home Builders to see who receives the revenue from the sale of these algae to Obama’s Energy Czar.
In a related story Ken CamBoo said all those candidates seeking the Goofsters Job may want to ask Judge Once Moore if he will be constructing a holding pond to retain all the water that will now be produced by runoff from the newly constructed road that was suppose to transport all those gamblers from Burlington Pike to the new casino at Turfway Park. Ken said surely the Judge would not allow this water to enter the already flooded Elijah Creek that flows near this new roadway and creates problems with each rainfall.
- Finally, Ken CamBoo says he doesn’t understand all the hype for that NCAA Basketball Game in Columbus, Ohio last night, when Kentucky isn’t playing until the Wildcats take their revenge against the Hoosiers of Indiana Friday night.
Meanwhile, the Carrollton Kentucky Chamber of Commerce says to tell Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane he’ll be welcome anytime he wants to drive through town on the way to Louisville. In fact, they’ve even leave the light on for him at the court house. It’s changed a lot since the last time he was there.
Stories We’re Working On
Obama blames Congress for Solyndra- Obama now backs half a pipeline
- Prices Slashed on Limited Edition ‘Obama 44’ Jerseys
- Newt holds conference call for bloggers
- Will lower income tax bring jobs to Ohio?
- Who’s really to blame for high gasoline prices?
- Wilder police chief pleads not guilty to DUI
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said was their favorite holiday in March:
(A) Political Backstabbers Day on the Ides of March: 2%
(B) St. Patrick’s Day on March 17: 1%
(C) The arrival of Spring on March 20: 1%
(D) BB&BJ Day: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
BJ Blasphemies
This week, everybody who thinks Catholics are really getting shorted because BB&BJ Day arrives on Sunday during Lent, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest. Sin
The winner is Clyde, a Catholic in a Confessional from Campbell County, who says “I can’t see going to Hell for “Beer or Beef,” but I’d spend eternal damnation there for a “BJ.”
Clem wins a big juicy steak from Outback, a case of Budweiser, and an ample supply of Viagra, just to help him make it through the night. His winning limerick is:
This year on BB&BJ Day
Will you have a two-, three- or four-way?
The standard drive-through menu
Doesn’t include a Hibernian venue
So you might have to settle for going halfway.
This year on BB&BJ Day
It’s the day for which all year I pray.
But if my gift she forgets,
And expresses regrets,
I’ll tell her it’s the one gift for which I’d gladly pay.
This year on BB&BJ Day
When lusty lads look for lassies to play.
But on the rainbow streets of Northside,
Where Phil M. and Ben D. doth hide,
It’s the annual equinox if you’re gay!
Now here’s a few from the Anderson Laureate (who really got off on this week’s subject):
At last it’s BB & BJ Day
I’m so happy I don’t know what to say
Should I have a beer AND a BJ?
And how much should I pay?
And can I finish it off with a lay?
No tears, no sadness, no strife
I’ve waited for this all my life
What better could follow?
(Do you think she will swallow?)
And please, pals, do NOT tell my wife.
This year on BB&BJ day
I told my girlfriend I want it my way.
She said “Don’t think you’ll get lucky,
‘Cause I don’t do sucky,
Maybe you can buy some on E-bay.”
This year on BB&BJ Day
I’ll be so happy I won’t know what to say!
I get to eat steak
And all the beer I can take,
But as for the last one, my wife says “NO WAY!”
This year on BB&BJ Day
I hope a hummer is coming my way!
I’ve waited so long,
Wearing my sexiest thong,
Do you think she might think that I’m gay?
If fellatio is not on the menu,
I’ll search for a different venue.
I can still have a steak,
And a beer, if I get a break,
So the BB part will still come true.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“There once was an old April Fool”
NEW STATE PARTY CHAIRMAN HOT LINE
e-mail your notable nominations today.
Some new broom sweeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our new broom sweeping items subscribers, but we could always use more.
Link of the Day
Gas Prices
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