Official “Election Day Debacle” E-dition

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Real E-mails from Real Subscribers

  • Just think—as soon as they count up all our new 2012 Republican Party Presidential Delegates tonight, there’ll only be 32 more caucuses and primaries to go. —Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Ron Paul
  • Where can we go to “unregister” so we stop getting all those Robocalls? —Registered Republicans
  • We’ll sure miss all those attack ads. —Local Greedy TV Ad Salesmen
  • After tonight, will every so-called political writer in Ohio and talking head on TV stop saying how important the Ohio Primary was? —Whistleblower Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders
  • If you think Obama’s first term has been “historic,” wait till his second term. —Obama Supporters in the Press
  • We only spent $100,000 to keep each of our stooges on the Ohio Republican Party Central Committee by implying they’re endorsed by the Tea Party, when the truth is, destroying the Tea Party is our goal. —Ohio RINO Party Boss Kevin DeWhine
  • Please don’t ask if we spent more than $250,000 to smear opponents of our lackeys like $tate Rep-tile for $ale Peter $tautberg. —Ohio Republican House Caucus
  • How can all those people believe those pictures of me with Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum on my campaign web page were photoshopped? — That Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt
  • Now that I’ve endorsed Rick Santorum, should I put his picture on my web page too?—Butler County Sheriff Rick Jones
  • If you think “Mean Jean” is in any way connected to the Bogus Sample Ballot (below) which dishonestly implies the Clermont County Republican Party has endorsed her, just check out which attorney filed the FEC Form I for the Clermont County Republican Leadership, PAC on February 22, 2011. —The Clermont Crusader 

  • I had been considering whether to shed any light on the post-endorsement behavior of the Schmidt and Kundrata campaigns, and, quite frankly, I was prepared to simply let their collective whining pass without comment. But then a good friend informed me of this interesting – and not at all inaccurate – publication in The Whistleblower. —Rory Ryan, Publisher & Owner, The Highland County Press
  • Is it any wonder that during this election cycle, we’ve been busier than ever exposing all of those candidates’ false claims and outright lies that members of the mainstream news media have been too lazy, too stupid, or too dishonest to report? —Whistleblower Truth Detectors
  • So it looks like Maggie/Che$ley/Cunningham cabal that always tries to cover for Old Wrinkle-Puss doesn’t extend to Hillsboro. —Highland Countians
  • Are they really calling “Mean Jean” a “Conservative? —Earl Pitts, “Uhmerikun”
  • Will our prediction be correct about who’ll win that Second District Congressional Primary? —Political Science Theater 2012
  • I would like to be included in your list of subscribers. I am a retired City police officer and current County employee. A free press is the hallmark of a free society. You sir, are one of those very few that truly understands what freedom of speech means, and is unrestrained by your critics.  —A person of Consequence, to be sure
  • How is anybody supposed to know which candidate to vote for until the Morning Fishwrap publishes its political endorsements? — Dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span voters
  • Why are we still waiting for Judge Mr$. $tan Che$ley’s court to decide the case where Disgruntled DemocRAT Tracie Hunter tried to steal Judge John Williams’ Juvenile Court seat that he won fair and square a year ago? —Voter Fraud Watchers
  • I want to thank Republicans for Higher Taxes for their fantastic profile of me.  I’m proud to be a big tax hiker, lousy School Board member, and awful parent.”  —Irresponsible School Bored Member Lynn Larson
  • Our endorsement wrapup has been posted.  Please support our high-tax candidates Jean Schmidt, Peter $tautberg, Lonnie Bowling, and Lou “DUI” Blessing, and vote for every tax increase on the ballot.”  —Republicans for Higher Taxes
  • I hope everyone remembers the $1000 I donated to Peter $tautberg.  “Taxkiller Tom” Brinkman didn’t support the Bedinghaus Stadium Sales Tax Scam that has made me RICH!”  —Bungals Owner Mike Brown
  • Does everyone remember my DUI arrest and vote for the Bob Taft/Jean Schmidt Sales Tax increase?”  —Louis Blessing
  • I hope all the GOP Primary voters forget about all the campaign work I did for Ms. Connie Pillich, Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton, Roxanne Qualls, and Mark Mallory.” —Little Dweeb Lonnie Bowling
  • Republican tax-hikers like Pat South and Dave Young are still running unopposed here in Warren County. —The Great White North Whistleblower  
  • If the Courthouse is closed on Election Day, does that mean my trial will be in recess? —Disgraced Anderson Township Trustee Kevin P. O’Brien, being sued by his former employer for a paltry $378,000
  • We normally don’t endorse candidates, but this time we published a slate, which includes not supporting that humongous Forrest Gump School District tax hike which would force township property owners of $200,000 houses can pay $2,000-a-year to support the greedy teachers and administrators. —Anderson Tea Party
  • If the Forest Gump School’s humongous tax hike so township property owners of $200,000 houses can pay $2,000-a-year to support the greedy teachers and administrators doesn’t pass, it won’t be because we didn’t give it our all. —The Non-Political Anderson Area Chamber of Commerce and Forest Hills Urinal
  • “Anybody who votes for a school levy is stupid.” —Darryl Parks, WLW Hate Radio
  • Our pro-levy volunteers will be working the polls to make sure you vote for the tax levy. —School Nazis in Anderson
  • Will we be getting as much hype for our Primary Elections in Kentucky in only 77 more days? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
  • BB&BJ Day will be here only 14 more days. —Horny in Hebron
  • Shall I mark that down on my calendar?—Trish the Dish, WXIX-TV
  • It’ll sure beats being sent to Moscow, Ohio to report on Friday night’s storm damage on my cell phone. —Jack Atherton, Former TV 5 Co-Anchor
  • On this date in 1981, Walter Cronkite signed off for the last time as lead anchor on CBS Nightly News. —Hurley the Historian
  • And that’s why we chose The Most Trusted Man in America’s “And that’s the way it is.” —Your Quote for Today Committee 

 Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer 

          Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Newspaper Idiotorials to show that “choosing candidates” is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a discredited publication. 

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Feckless Fishwrappers.

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