Special Indecision 2012 E-dition

Monday, March 5, 2012    

We Won’t Endorse….

by Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane

  • Before every election, The Whistleblower is always deluged with calls, faxes, text messages, and e-mails asking which candidates and issues we plan to endorse. As the official publication for all that scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing which will be forever known as Indecision 2012, our readers have every right to expect nothing less. But the fact that only one day before Ohio’s 2012 Primary Elections, after all of our penetrating reporting and scathing commentary, there can be any doubt about which candidates or issues we might cheer or jeer is further tribute to the astounding even-handedness of our always fair-and-balanced journalism.
  • But political scientists are puzzled: How can elected officials be convicted of lying by the Ohio Elections Commission, tell more lies the next day, and the press won’t even hold them accountable?
  • Unlike the so-called mainstream news media such as Skaggie Maggie’s Feckless Fishwrap (whose totally discredited political endorsements and news coverage are so often interchangeable), The Whistleblower continues to present facts, opinions, viewpoints, and analyses on all sides of an issue. And did you ever notice, the only thing stupider than those political stories you see on line, are some of the comments? Good luck, Skaggie, trying to get those people to pay for your on-line content later this year.

And this year, did The Fishwrap have to round up an “Insightful Panel of Readers” to help rubber stamp their endorsements.

Good grief— have those Feckless Fishwrappers ever failed to endorse a single local boondoggle or tax levy? Just as The Blower predicted, Skaggie’s Rubber Stampers are still supporting our Girly Man Mayor’s Trolley Folly or The Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center.

  • On rare occasions The Blower might even attempt to use humor or satire to make a point. We trust the Persons of Consequence who subscribe to our publication are intelligent enough to come to an informed decision. 
  • And since we never accept advertising, and have no sponsors nor special interests to dictate their extreme prejudices, we wouldn’t insult our readers by presuming they’re not bright enough and sufficiently critical to evaluate what we’ve presented, along with everything else they’ve seen, read, heard, and smelled so they can make up their own minds.

Let’s face it: Prostitutes in the Press will take money to promote anything, whether they believe in it or not. They’ll always ignore false claims in lying, last-minute desperate negative attack ads from despicable candidates, as long as those commercials are paid-for-in advance. There’s no limit on how much money they’ll accept from anyone, all in the name of promoting “free” speech. No wonder so many people predict that with tomorrow night’s coverage, we will have seen yet another nail hammered into the Coffin of Objective Journalism in America.

Therefore, we won’t make political endorsements, either for candidates or issues. We’re doing our job. Now it’s time for you to get off your fat couch-potato asses and do yours.

  • Our Quote for Today Committee chose the prophetic words of Jesse “The Body” Ventura: “If you don’t vote, you’ll be leaving the decision to someone even dumber than you are.”

Remember what those Loony Libertarians always say: A vote for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil. People who don’t stand for something will always fall for anything. No matter the outcome, you should never ever vote for a candidate you don’t really believe in.

  • And The Blower says regardless of the outcome of tomorrow’s historic primary elections, Hurley the Historian predicts consequences for America are still foreboding.  Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes says Obama already has America nearly $15.5 trillion in debt, and each over-taxed payer’s share is a mere $136,611, so he struggle for the soul of our once great nation will must continue.
  • Today, current GOP front-runner Mitt Romney still needs 982 more delegates to win the Republican Party nomination, and no matter what happens on March 6, Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says people would be insane to believe the GOP Primary Process will be over on Super Duper Tuesday, when there will still be 32 more primaries and caucuses before the end of June. Maybe our GOP Delegate Calculator will help you keep score.
  • Think of all those expensive giant postcards registered Republicans have received from candidates running for the Republican State Central Committee. Kasich’s candidates call themselves “Conservative.” Ohio RINO Party Boss Kevin DeWhine’s stooges claim they have “Tea Party Values.” They don’t say they “support the Tea Party.” They don’t say they’re “endorsed by the Tea Party.” They don’t even say they’re “a member of the Tea Party.” The truth is, Kevin O’Brien is out to destroy the Tea Party.”  

At least the Anderson Tea Party figured it out when they published their “Conservative Voter Guide,” along with The Real Solution to the Forest Hills Schools Deficit.

And how come no one mentions the state budget that $tate Rep-tile for $ale Peter $tautberg takes such pride in having passed is the very same one the Forest Hills School District blames for forcing them to put a levy on the ballot? Shouldn’t the pro-levy group be sending that message to their School Nazis?

  • So with only “345” more days until the November Elections, let’s see what our Unlicensed Anderson Laureate predicted when he submitted this to the Whistleblower’s Weekly Limerick Contest:

This year when the elections are done Can you tell me, my friend, who really won? Old judges, unions, and health While the Occupiers bitch about wealth I’m waiting for 2012 to really have fun!

  • Meanwhile in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wonders if this year Channel 19 will be expanding its election coverage in Northern Kentucky on Super Duper Tuesday. Teams of reporters are already camped out at the Boards of Elections in Kenton, Campbell, and Boondoggle Counties, in case there’s any late-breaking news.

….But We Will Predict

  • The Blower has done exhaustive polling, tracking the mood of likely voters across the Tri-state.
  • Monday, we’ll reveal the winners even before the polls open. It’s scientific. It’s precise. And it’s guaranteed accurate.
  • Screw the pundits. Forget exit polls. Persons of Consequence on our extra special “Whistleblower Insiders List” will see Tuesday’s winners exclusively in a special Monday edition of The Blower.

Character Still Don’t Mean Crap

  • Pundits are perplexed: How can dumbed-down voters say “character” matters when so many politicians who claimed term limits were a great idea when they were first elected, still plan to keep voting themselves pay raises and perks until the day they die.
  • Take That Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch Mean Jean Schmidt, please!

Friday our Bitch-in-a-Ditch promised Federal Aid for tornado victims in Ohio’s Second Congressional District. Saturday, Ohio Republican Governor John Kasich turned all that strings attached over-taxed payers’ money from DC down. There’s nothing like a little crisis to show a candidate’s character.

  • Analysts are amazed: How can anybody believe “leadership” is vital when so many overpaid incumbents are running unopposed? 
  • Critics are confused: How can We the Over-Taxed Payers vote for feel-good tax levies without knowing how much they’ll actually cost, especially after some Disingenuous DemocRAT in the county auditor’s office keeps jacking up your property values? Why the local GOP let him run unopposed is beyond us! Remember when “Beanball Jim” Bunning called Bill Clinton the most corrupt, amoral, and despicable president he’d ever seen? We can only wonder what the old Beanballer has to say about some of the other sleazebags we see running for office these days.

This year with The Whistleblower’s help, campaigns seem a lot nastier than ever. Last-minute mudslinging and dirty tricks are the order of the day. Every candidate claims he has a poll that says he’s way ahead. Some Liberal DemocRATS are having great fun meddling in the Republican Primary Process. A record amount of money is being spent to get these bozos elected and issues passed. And nobody’s quite sure where all this fat cat cash is coming from.

We’re surprised there aren’t even more complaints at the Elections Commission. Still, the Ghost of Richard Nixon says all of these people are giving politics a bad name.

Do you remember a couple of years ago when The Fishwrap seemed genuinely surprised that the biggest donors to tax levy campaigns were those organizations seeking the levies and companies benefitting from contracts with those organizations. Well, duh! How is that any different from the people and groups to donate to candidates?

Historically, Kneepad Liberals in the Press always allow Liberals to play the race card against Conservatives and publish last-minute hit pieces in cahoots with campaigns they’re in league with a few days before an election and lavish free undeserved publicity on candidates they support. The press and our so-called business leaders still won’t accept responsibility for the part their politically correct pandering has played in causing our moral abyss. This nation now has the kind of government it truly deserves for the same reason The Blower said the former Pants-dropper-in-Chief was first elected, in our Nov. 4, 1992, edition.    

  • We asked: “How else could you explain how average Americans, 95% of whom learn everything they know about politics by watching lying TV campaign ads and daily distortions on local and national television newscasts presented by the liberal media, 89% of whom voted for Slick, would prefer to send to the White House, a shameless, tax-evading, draft-dodging, dope-smoking, pants-dropping, wife-cheating liar who will surely drag the nation down to the level of Arkansas?”
  • Then we answered: “Except that all those shameless tax-evaders, draft-dodgers, dope-smokers, pants-dropping wife-cheaters, and liars want people in office just like themselves.”
  • And you must admit: Slick is still keeping his end of the bargain, and Disgraceful DemocRATS and their willing accomplices in the liberal press are still doing their best to keep his legacy alive.
  • Ever since the elections in 2000, it’s been non-stop Bush-bashing for DemocRATS and their willing accomplices in the news media. Obama has been in office for three years and they’re all still blaming Bush for every one of Obama’s mistakes.
  • Is it any wonder that during this election cycle, The Whistleblower Truth Squad has been busier than ever exposing all of those candidates’ false claims and outright lies that members of the mainstream news media have been too lazy, too stupid, or too dishonest to report? Why else have these JINOs (Journalists in Name Only) been aiding and abetting the Liberal Agenda? For the most part we’ve successfully ignored the claptrap coming from all those bloggers in their basements trying to convince each other they have something important to say.
  • Finally, before tomorrow, Real Republicans should be joining DemocRATS and Independents demanding that the Ohio Secretary of State supervises elections in each of Ohio’s eighty-eight counties. During the past several elections we’ve heard about massive voting irregularities. At least tomorrow, Early Voter Fraud for 2012 will be over, but we’re still waiting for the outcome from 2010 in Judge Mr$. $tan Che$ley’s court where Disgruntled DemocRAT Tracie Hunter is trying to steal Judge John Williams’ Juvenile Court seat that he won fair and square a year and a half ago.

Before Voting, Liberals Always Pray                

Obama is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down with Barney Frank. He leadeth me toward the still voting booths. He restoreth my welfare. He leadeth me to the path of food stamps for His name’ sake.            

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Nancy Pelosi, I will fear no evil, for Oprah art with me. Thy 30 minute paid advertising, it comforts me. Thou preparest a tax break before me in the presence of Newt Gingrich. Thou annointest my head with alternative energy, my Prius runneth fine.            

Surely social programs and government intervention shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the DemocRAT held House of Representatives forever.

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