Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Here’s what’s in the Obama Administration’s Scandal Defense Playbook on this Fourth of July. First “Deny,” then “Lie,” then “Commit Perjury,” and if all that fails, Obama’s Paid Liars can always “Plead the Fifth Amendment.” —Judge Jeanine
This Independence Day, TEA Party Patriots should sign the American Legacy PAC’s petition to “Audit the IRS.” —Newt Gingrich
People keep asking if I’ll be renovating Music Hall and the Museum Center by calling them military hospitals. —Former P&G CEO Bob MacDonald, Obama’s Choice to Run His Scandal Plagued Veterans Administration

Leftists are threatening to burn down Hobby Lobby stores after we rejected Obama one more time and ruled for-profit employers with religious objections can opt out of providing contraception coverage under ObamaCare. Our decision could now open the door for other employers seeking to withhold coverage for other medical procedures at odds with firm religious beliefs. —Supreme Court of the United States

And we weren’t particularly happy when SOTUS said we can no longer force non-members to pay. —Union Goons for Obama

Did you see where our Disgraced Former Pants Dropper in Chief Bill Clinton told Hillary she would get 2 Million more votes if he died and she followd his plan for his super expensive over-taxed payer funded funeral? —Photo-Shop Editorial Spoofer Edward Cropper
This Fourth of July, we’ll still be berating Obama Supporters who missed Monday’s quarterly donation deadline. —Obama’s Bogus Organizing for Action Campaign
Us too! —The DemocRAT National Committee, The Republican National Committee, Ohio Republicans, Ohio Governor Kasich-Taylor’s Campaign, Ditzy DemocRAT Bluegrass Senate Candidate Alison Wondergams Grimes’ Campaign, Ohio Republican Treasurer Josh Mandel’s Campaign, Ohio Republican Attorney General Mike DeWhine, Ohio Republican Senator Rob “Fighting for Same Sex Marriage” Portman’s Campaign, Ohio Second District Republican Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, et al.
We sent in our “suggested $5 donation” after the fifteenth e-mail reminder on Sunday. Does this mean we’ll still continue to get all our free stuff? —Dumb Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Free-Stuff Grabbing Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice
Now that the critical June 30 fundraising deadline has passed, we can start hassling people on our e-mail lists to walk in our Fourth of July Parades. —Pseudo Patriotic Politicians
“Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the DemocRATS believe every day is April 15.” —Ronald Reagan
Are all my critics asking why I loaned my reelection campaign $100,000? —Hamilton County’s Double-Dipping Disingenuous Auditor
Does a wild bear shit in the woods near Oakley? —Thayne Maynard
On this date in 1863, the largest military conflict in North American history began, as Union and Confederate forces collided at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. At least Lincoln wasn’t getting hassled by Congress about the War Powers Act, the way Obama always ignores. —Hurley the Historian
That’s why we chose Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, which included “The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
All the City’s problems are under control beginning on July 4, so we’ll be getting paid to do nothing until after Labor Day. —Our Nine Fine Clowns at the City Hall Circus
We continue to complain about the way Hamilton County Demo Labor Party Boss Tim Burka is running his Party. There are many problems with Burka’s leadership. Before the last meeting, Burka said in a letter to Precinct Executives that a few people were not happy, and “not liking all [my] decisions.” With a record like Burka’s, you can be certain that SOME people like all his decisions – particularly Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T. Mall Cop GOP. —Disgruntled DemocRATS
That’s supposing Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP is smart enough to recognize the ramifications of Burka’s actions. —The Ghost of “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann
Wouldn’t it be nice if Republican party Chairman Alex Triantafillou was as enthusiastic about getting Greeks interested in supporting the Republican Party as he is about getting Republicans interested in Greek futbol? —Disgruntled Republicans
One in four Americans doesn’t even know who their forefathers declared independence from. While 76% correctly said Great Britain, 19% were unsure, and 5% mentioned another country. —Special Report from the Whistleblower Summer Interns
There’s no need for Scorn on the Fourth of July, here’s what really makes America great: It’s not baseball, mom, or apple pie. It’s our “diversity.” No kidding! —Our Foolish Fishwrappers
Fireworks displays during a smog alert are extra healthy for people with emphysema. —Obama’s EPA

How patriotic is our “Freedom Commercial?” —Dodge Challenger
You’ll have to wait until July 4 at 1:30 PM to DVR “1776” on the Turner Classic Movie station, because usually on the Fourth of July they show “White Christmas” and “The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.” —Warner Cable
How many more days are there until Bastille Day? —Pierre Leach
This Fourth of July Weekend, will the Cincinnati Reds be sweeping the series from the first place Milwaukee Brewers? —Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather
How come nobody’s asking me to march in any of those Fourth of July Parades anymore? — “Mean Jean” Schmidt
This Fourth of July, members of our Ladies Auxiliary will be marching with their walkers. —Anderson Township Republican Club
We hope everybody gets home all right after The Blower’s Fourth of July Celebration. — Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
Last weekend in their Salute to Holiday Drinking, The Fishwrap forgot to tell you if you want to arrive home safe on the fourth, don’t drink a fifth on the third. —MADD Mothers
Fourth of July Day Parades would be a whole lot shorter in Northern Kentucky if they banned Pandering Politicians. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
You can’t believe what a thrill it is to know that our country’s Independence Day holiday was named for our fair city. —Independence, Kentucky Mayor Donna Yeager
On Saturday’s date in 1946, French designer Louis Reard unveiled a daring two-piece swimsuit which came to be known as the “bikini,” and guys ogling Miss Vicki on the Fourth of July at the at the Ft. Mitchell Country Club swimming pool will be glad he did. —Horny in Hebron
Do you remember when I said “A man will go to war, fight and die for his country, but he won’t get a bikini wax?” — Rita Rudner
We’ll drink to that. —Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
At least we didn’t forget to jack up our prices enough for the Fourth of July as gas prices under Obama swelled to a six-year high. —Northern Kentucky Gas Gougers
This year we promise not a single person will escape on Independence Day. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
Why doesn’t Y’All Ville have a hot dog eating contest on the Fourth of July? —Weight Gainers Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
How come nobody in Northern Kentucky invited me to be in their parade? —Governor Steve Beshear
Did everybody get home from the big race last weekend? —Kentucky Speedway
Do you want to know why all the guys will be eating so much watermelon at their Fourth of July cookouts? We think it’s because they read all those reports that said watermelon has effects similar to Viagra— so they could keep their Fourth of July fireworks going all night long. That’s why I went out and bought a whole truckload of watermelons. —Blackjack Brian Richmond
It’s a lie. Watermelons don’t work as well as Viagra, and we ought to know. —Up Tight Bitches in Ft. Mitchell who fake their orgasms
They should run more Fireworks Safety Ads on TV. —”Three Fingers” Finnegan
Trish “The Dish” wants to know on what date we should celebrate the Fourth of July in Kentucky. —Channel 19 News
Remember whenS heree Paolello said this year we’ll actually be celebrating July Fourth on the fourth. —Jack Atherton (Still at Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you missed me)

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially IRS official Lois Lerner’s attorney William Taylor who “outright lied” a number of times while defending her role in the targeting of TEA Party groups for extra scrutiny.

—Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

The Blower makes fun of phony patriotism to show pandering politicians are not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t the most embarrassing elected official in Southwestern Ohio history (including Jerry Springer).

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Portman’s Protégé. So it’s not our fault!

FLAG ETIQUETTE HOT LINE

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Some flag-waving items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally flag-waving subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

Fireworks in the ‘Hood

(Sent in By Our Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes With Hate” Livingston)

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Daily Archives: July 1, 2014

Special “Not So Patriotic” E-dition