Friday, March 22, 2013
More Sports Cliches
Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says today is one of the biggest days ever for local basketball fans, what with four Tri-State teams making it to the 2013 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament— UC, Ohio State, Indiana, and Louisville, but not Kentucky. Now let’s see how many make it to the second round.
March Madness showcases the best of college sports. Unfortunately, last year’s installment of the Men’s NCAA Basketball Tournament also highlighted the worst in wasteful government spending, according to the Taxpayers Protection Alliance. The $2.7 billion price tag associated with the arenas used during last year’s NCAA tournament may give March Madness a maddening new meaning for over-taxed payers, whose March Madness Brackets look something like this.
- OBAMA’S NCAA 2013 TOURNAMENT BRACKETS: Once again demonstrating his preposterous political priorities, before leaving for the Middle East where he was greeted with rockets fired by his Muslim Terrorist Friends in Gaza , Obama submitted his 2013 March Madness Brackets for the fifth straight year (Still No Budget). This video shows what he did last year.
Obama picked Florida, Indiana, Louisville, and Ohio State to reach the Final Four. But The Blower wants to know how much U.S. Over-taxed payers had to borrow to from the Chinese just to pay for Obama’s Presidential Bracket Display.
- SODOMY RITES UPDATE: The Ohio Christian Alliance has added its condemnation of Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting for Flagellation” Portman’s announcement that he now supports homosexual marriage, saying when he changed his policy position, he crossed a line and violated the trust of the voters that supported him in 2010, who believed that he carried with him into office the same traditional values that they hold so dear. We can hardly wait to hear how many Gay Loving Republicans are still going to be willing to shell out $500 to attend the private reception at Saturday night’s Butler County Lincoln-Reagan Day Dinner.
This weekend at the Hamilton County RINO Party’s big Campaign School, everybody’s wondering who’ll be on the panel during the seminar on “Empathy for Gays.” Maybe WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham could explain, “These days it’s hard enough for any father to admit his daughter’s a cocksucker, let alone his son.”
- MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s “Blood is not thicker than morality.”
- LOCAL LEGAL UPDATE: Did Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, (Then) Not-yet-Disbarred Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley really call his old Friend Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane at The Blower to ask him to change his Official Whistleblower Nickname on Thursday, after the Kentucky Bar Association announced it was disbarring his thieving ass for stealing a mere $20 million from all those drug-sickened wretches he was supposed to be representing? Have they updated his profile on his firm’s website, where it says he’s licensed in Kentucky? Somebody should get to it soon so there’s no additional unpleasantness. $tan’s only hope now is to throw a Hail Mary and hope that Ohio doesn’t follow suit almost automatically.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1933, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Beer and Wine Revenue Act, setting the stage for repeal prohibition when states passed the 21st Amendment. No wonder FDR got re-elected so many times. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception remembers to celebrate that occasion a couple of years ago, Cincinnati symphony conductor Paavo Jarvi was arrested after he passed out dead drunk on Columbia Parkway with his car still running.- BATCHELDER’S BITCHING: At the Anderson Tea Party, Angry Andrew is telling people Wednesday night’s meeting of the House Republican Caucus was very tense because Tea Partiers’ phone calls had forced a lot of State Rep-Tiles to come to grips with the fact that many of their supporters do not want Medicaid Expansion. House Speaker Batchelder was clearly agitated by the Patriots’ efforts and spent a significant amount of time lecturing members about being loyal to the Caucus and sticking together. He reminded them how hard he had worked for their election, especially $tate Rep-tile FOR $ALE Pete $tautberg.
- AMY’S ANGRY: Republican Clown-cil Candidate Amy Murray says, “Wednesday, Judge Winkler extended the restraining order on the Parking Giveaway Boondoggle in the City of Cincinnati wanted to execute, allowing our citizen-led referendum effort more time to collect signatures and organize our support. We are engaging in this effort because we feel Council pushed this legislation through in a manner unfair to the citizens of Cincinnati, and that they deserve a voice on this issue.” SMLP Smithermouth keeps talking about already gathering “4,000” signatures out of the 8,522 they need. Yeah, right! We’re sure SMLP’s are all valid.
- MICKEY’S MOTIVE: When Whistleblower Legal Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood and former Cincinnati Police Chief Tom Strike-her perform their Audit of new Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil’s Office, will they be able to tell us why Mickey Esposito stole all that stuff from the Sheriff’s Property Room? We suspect it was the same reason bank robber Willie Sutton used: “That’s where they keep all the money.”
BLUEGRASS BRACKETS: Although Spring has now arrived, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furball says Spring doesn’t officially arrives in the tri-state when UC basketball fans are home watching the Kentucky Wildcats play on TV. Turfway Touts say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until the $550,000 Horseshoe Casino Cincinnati Spiral Stakes on Saturday, March 23 at Turfway Park. Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith say Spring doesn’t usually arrive in Northern Kentucky until we start tossing back Bock beer chasers. Mainstrasse Bartenders say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until drunks sober up from St. Patrick’s Day. And the Vanilla Hills Civic Club says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until somebody gets arrested for embezzling.
Clueless Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until we’ve each devoured 437 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. The Murg says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until I try out my new Spring probe. Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until I get my Hummer polished, if you know what I mean. Steve “I’m 5’0, Not 4’11” Mergele and Will “The Thrill” Terwort say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until all Covington sex shops have their annual Spring sale.
Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until you have sex with your first Spring sheep. Your Friends at the IRS say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until people at least start thinking about paying their taxes. MILFs on Probation say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until you tickle a young man’s fancy. Uptight Bitches in Fort Mitchell Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until we fake our equinox orgasms. Y’All Ville Mayor Blondie “I Thought You Guys at the Blower Forgot About Me” Whalen says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until people are lined up for Opening Day Tickets to see the Florence Freedom. And Horny in Hebron says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until I celebrate BB&BJ Day on March 20.
Speaking of which, remember what Confucius say about BB&BJ Day: Treat little woman like vacuum cleaner. If she stops sucking, change the bag.
FINALLY, we just got an e-mail from Vivacious Vicky Zwissler, our Council-gal in Wyoming (the City not the State), reminding us that today is her birthday. Curiously, although our Virtual Redhead is still pretty much of a babe, her e-mail forgot to include her age.
Maybe that’s why our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane always says, “Women improve with age. The older I get, the more I like them.”
Stories We’re Working On
Obama’s Mideast Trip going really well- Obama’s limo got towed
- Rockets rained down from Gaza
- Israelis say “We’re victims of Obama”
- Palestinian protestors chant “Allahu Akbar,” burn American flag at Anti-Obama rally
- Kerry to Abbas: “Nice tie.”
- Entire Middle East now waiting for the locusts
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said was their favorite holiday in March:
(A) Political Backstabbers Day on the Ides of March: 2%
(B) St. Patrick’s Day on March 17: 1%
(C) The arrival of Spring on March 20: 1%
(D) BB&BJ Day: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
BJ Blasphemies
This week, everybody who thinks Catholics are really getting shorted because BB&BJ Day arrives on Sunday during Lent, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Clyde, a Catholic in a Confessional from Campbell County, who says “I can’t see going to Hell for “Beer or Beef,” but I’d spend eternal damnation there for a “BJ.”
Clyde wins a big juicy steak from Outback, a case of Budweiser, and an ample supply of Viagra, just to help him make it through the night. His winning limerick is:
This year on BB&BJ Day
Will you have a two-, three- or four-way?
The standard drive-through menu
Doesn’t include a Hibernian venue
So you might have to settle for going halfway.
This year on BB&BJ Day
It’s the day for which all year I pray.
But if my gift she forgets,
And expresses regrets,
I’ll tell her it’s the one gift for which I’d gladly pay.
This year on BB&BJ Day
When lusty lads look for lassies to play.
But on the rainbow streets of Northside,
Where Phil M. and Ben D. doth hide,
It’s the annual equinox if you’re gay!
Here’s a Dishonorable Mention from “In Russ We Trust” Jackson
At last it’s BB & BJ Day
I’m so happy I don’t know what to say
Should I have a beer AND a BJ?
And how much should I pay?
And can I finish it off with a lay?
No tears, no sadness, no strife
I’ve waited for this all my life
What better could follow?
(Do you think she will swallow?)
And please, pals, do NOT tell my wife.
Bobby Leach says this is vile-and-disgusting
This year on BB&BJ day
I told my girlfriend I want it my way.
She said “Don’t think you’ll get lucky,
‘Cause I don’t do sucky,
Maybe you can buy some on E-bay.”
This year on BB&BJ Day
I’ll be so happy, what will I say!
I get to eat steak
And all the beer I can take,
But as for the last one, my wife says “NO WAY!”
E Rob Sanders denies he sent this in
This year on BB&BJ Day
I hope a hummer is coming my way!
I’ve waited so long,
Wearing my sexiest thong,
Do you think she might think that I’m gay?
If fellatio is not on the menu,
I’ll search for a different venue.
I can still have a steak,
And a beer, if I get a break,
So the BB part will still come true.
Now here’s a few from the Anderson Laureate (who really got off on this week’s subject):
On Wednesday, it was BB & BJ Day,
I tried to celebrate it the right way.
But I had a fight with my wife
She came at me with a knife,
Need I say there was not any BJ?
So I got me a beer and drank it
I didn’t even have to thank it
My wife gave me grief,
So I ate my corned beef,
And I pulled out my pud to yank it.
She said I reminded her a lot
Of someone who’s a pervert and a sot
And she said “I ain’t lyin’,
You look like Trustee O’Brien!”
And so I spent the night on an old cot.
Next year I’ll try to be wiser
And in a nice way I’ll try to advise her
That men need some kindness
And jerkin’ off leads to blindness
So how ’bout a BJ? Don’t be a miser.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“There once was an old April Fool”
MARCH MADNESS AWARD HOT LINE
e-mail your perfect picks today.
Some double dribbling items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally double dribbling subscribers, but we could always use more.
LINK OF THE DAY
NCAA Expands March Madness Will Now Include 4,096 Teams
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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