Friday, June 8, 2012
The Day Hamilton County Turned Blue
- Hurley the Historian says many people may not realize it, but today is a very important anniversary in Hamilton County in Ohio, because four years ago, RINOs at 700 Walnut Street proceeded past the point of no return in their masochistic “Long March” towards the “Bluing of Hamilton County” (which The Whistleblower had actually predicted five-and-a-half years ago.) Chairman Mao would’ve been proud. Obama’s landslide in November 2008 was redundant. June 8, 2008 was the date our RINOs’ Wandering in the Wilderness had officially begun.
- Ever since Republicans got their asses kicked in the 2006 and 2007 elections, The Whistleblower had been searching for signs that local party leaders had somehow figured out why they lost and had come up with a plan to correct their mistakes before November 2008.
- Finally, after Disgraced former Temporary Hamilton County GOP Party Boss George Vincent had been sent packing, we hoped we’d never again see anything like that sleazy, unprecedented, last-minute backroom deal Vincent made with Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka to allow each other’s county-wide and judicial candidates to run unopposed.
- We were even told it had been a humongous mistake for the Party of Reagan to endorse Devious DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioners Odd Todd Opportune’s and David A. Pepper’s Super-sized $900 million Feel-Good-Social Programs Jail Tax Scam that would also have included a Memorial Hoosegow for our Senile GOP Sheriff Simon E. Leis.
- And allowing Hamilton County GOP’s official spokesman, WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham to embarrass the Hamilton County Republican Party nationally, was not exactly a sign that local party leaders had learned from the lessons of history.
- It was no wonder those funny guys at “Not the Fishwrap” had come up with their “Save Us Alex” video, and card-carrying Conservative Gary Boldwater won that week’s Whistleblower’s Limerick Contest with:
This year when Hamilton County turns “Blue” The RINOS won’t know what to do. Those pitiful sobs, They will have to find jobs. Maybe then they will all get a clue.
- Those “Not the Fishwrap” videos, like so many other things during the past twenty-two years in The Blower, have turned out to be pretty prophetic. It’s no wonder those consultants at NoMoreFreeAdvice.com can’t figure out why nobody’s been smart enough to try to hire The Blower to tell them what’s going to happen.
So At Yesterday’s Meeting of the Conservative Agenda…
Political Insiders were all asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why the RINOs’ total abandonment of principles on June 8, 2008 was such a sure sign that Hamilton County had passed the point of no return on its way to become totally “Blue” in November of that year.
“Because that was the fateful date of that fund-raising brunch for Junketing, Lame-Duck Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Kane said.
“That was no big deal,” said the Clermont Crusader. “The Crooked Cronies from Clermont County used to hold crappy breakfasts for their girl all the time.”
“But what if there had been some pretty big-name Republicans from Hamilton County on the host committee?” Kane asked.
“Like Bill Cunningham?” someone laughed. “Along with Skaggie Maggie at The Fishwrap, that draft-dodger’s been attacking Mean Jean’s enemies for years.”
Kane shook his head. Not even a media whore like Cunningham would’ve wanted his name associated with this group. “How about the Honorable Rob Portman?” Kane said. “His hand-picked protégé had ruined Portman’s 70+% Republican Congressional District, and he’s still carrying her on his back. Then there was the Honorable Joseph Deters. Our County Prosecutor had even talked about running against Mean Jean a year before. Or how about the Honorable Me, Greg Hartmann and The Honorable Rebecca Prem Groppe?
“You seem to have a lot of so-called ‘Honorable’ people on that list,” somebody in the audience said.
“And that wasn’t all,” Kane explained. “There was then Ohio House Majority Whip Michelle Glass Slipper? When Michelle wasn’t living in sin, she and Mean Jean had been roommates in Columbus where they voted for each and every one of Boob Taft’s tax increases. And there was the Honorable Jim Petro. Remember when people said our former Ohio Attorney General had Republican principles? Or how about names like John Barrett— he was raising money for McCain. Toss in Dee and Benjamin Gettler, Steve Miller, former Hamilton County Party Doofus H.C. Buck Niehoff, along with Diane and Michael Oestreicher and Nancy and John Silverman, whoever the hell they are.”
“Was there anybody else?” a lady in the audience asked.
“How about Hamilton County Republican Party Boss Alex Triantafillou (pronounced Alex)?” Kane replied.
“But didn’t Old Blue Face acknowledge to Cincinnatus Standard Publisher Steve Fritsch that the Republican brand had been tarnished?” someone asked. “Didn’t Alex admit Republicans took it on the chin in 2006, and didn’t Alex also own up that as painful as it was for him to say, the Party had it coming, because for a long time RINOs had strayed from the basic core principles that bind Republicans together?”
“It doesn’t sound like our “Alex T., Mall Cop GOP” had learned very much, even then. No wonder we’re still calling him ‘Old Blue Face’ these days, Kane said.
“Maybe the new Chairman had just showed up at Mean Jean’s fund-raiser to help ‘unify’ the Party,” the audience said. “But didn’t he realize that lending his name to such an event, put the Party Seal of Approval on it and was a sharp stick in the eye of every Real Republican who’d already been disenfranchised by the Fourth Street Gang? Maybe Alex had planned to work every polling place in Hamilton County all by himself in November?”
“But you’re forgetting the worst part,” Kane said. “Don’t you remember where that feckless fund-raiser for Mean Jean with all those Hamilton County RINO leaders was held?”
“Do you mean the Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center?” the entire audience exclaimed.
“Here’s a clue,” Kane said. “Look whose name is on top of the list.”
It’s Worse than that,” Kane lamented…
“Three years ago on June 8, Local Republican leaders chose to demonstrate their historic sellout at a fund-raiser for Southwest Ohio’s most embarrassing elected official in history (including Jerry Springer) at 9005 Camargo Road, at the Indian Hill estate of that Great Republican, perhaps the Greatest Republican in Hamilton County History, Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Clinton-Loving, Obama-Worshiping Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Not-yet-Indicted Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley. And here’s a picture to prove it.”
“But that was four years ago,” somebody in the audience said. “Everywhere Alex goes, he’s still telling people he’s learned his lesson and THIS time it’s going to be different.”
“Sure,” Kane scoffed. “It’s been more than a year-and-a-half since the 2010 Elections, and Alex T. is going to have to go all the way to the Supreme Court if he ever wants to see Judge John Williams take his “rightful seat” in Juvenile Court that he won fair and square after Disgruntled DemocRAT Tracie Hunter went whining to Judge Mrs. $tan Che$ley in Federal Court.
“And how about Hamilton County’s Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor (who was always allowed to run unopposed),” clamored a Hamilton County over-taxed payer getting ready to pay his jacked up property taxes in two weeks. “Even when Alex T. endorsed ‘Taxkiller Tom’ Brinkman two years ago, the Disingenuous DemocRAT ran unopposed. Now he feels free to jack up some people’s property values in a down economy out of petty personal vindictiveness and spite.”
“You’re right,” agreed our Greed Township Snitch (probably not Arnold Barnett), who’s really happy about those 6,888 new Section Eight housing units that will decrease the resale value of his house. “About the only thing our Mall Cop has been able to accomplish was getting the Greed Township trustees to pass over 98 qualified applicants to give a $50,000 make-work job to his then soon-to-be-former spouse as part of his alimony avoidance scam.”
“And don’t forget the other maneuvers the chairman made in order to reward the Greed Township Trustees who hooked his wife up with that job,” our Colerain Criticizer said. “He pushed Passed-Around Patti Clancy out of the Clerk of Courts office to give Tracy Winkler a cushy new job. Then he got Runner-Up Rocky Boiman into Tracy’s old spot. Tracy got Greed Township Trustee Tony Rosiello a new job in the Courthouse after he lost his old one. Tony just so happens to employ Tracy’s daughter at the money-losing Greed Township Senior Center. Alex also made “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup an offer he couldn’t refuse to get his Courthouse Crony a sweet gig with “Bronze Star Brad’s” Brigade so the Clueless Crony could goof off the next six months and then walk in to the Wenstrup Administration at twice the salary he made in the Courthouse.”
“As usual, the Republicans are asleep at the wheel,” exclaimed an Angry Andersonian. “Despite having far more staff than the D-RATS, they aren’t organized. They can fund “scholarship” programs for “interns,” but when it comes to doing actual work, they don’t accomplish a thing—zip, zero, nada! What do those people do all day to earn a paycheck?”
“And if you think that’s bad,” Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo added, “Do you remember last year when The Boondoggle Tea Party invited Eric “Call Me Crazy,” Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Am I Still Suspended, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator Deters to be its featured speaker at its June meeting?” Well, this year, we’re all still waiting for that unity rally after the May 22 Bluegrass Primary Elections when Tea Party backed Thomas Massie from Lewis County (wherever the hell that is) embarrassed the Republican Establishment one more time, when he defeated our Trooper Babe, in spite of The Whistleblower’s “Legs” commercial, which if it had only been on TV a few more times, Alecia would’ve won by a landslide.
Stories We’re Working On
- Wisconsin Libs outraged CNN bus leaves after election
- Obama jokes about getting BJs from Michelle
- Romney’s Cash Haul Tops Obama’s
- SWAT-ting Attacks on Conservative Bloggers
- Cincinnati’s Budget Woes Likely to Worsen
- Rally on Fountain Square for Religious Persecution
- Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters web site is still down while his license is suspended
Whistleblower Web Poll
(A) Reviewing their books on Flag Etiquette: 2%
(B) Putting a flag over their Congresswoman’s face: 1%
(C) Peeing in one of $tan Che$ley’s newly opened public swimming pools in Cincinnati: 1%
(D) Watching Desecrating DemocRAT David A. Pepper burn Old Glory: 96%
Smitten With Mittens
This week, everybody who checked the Official GOP Delegates Map to see who’s leading for the 2012 Republican Presidential Nomination, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is underemployed Terrace Park resident Robert Jones Portman, who hopes his limerick will help him catch on with one of those 150-day campaign jobs we keep hearing about.
Robert wins a “Got Mitt” T-shirt, a chance to take part in Saturday’s Buckeye Blitz walking door-to-door every weekend until Election Day, and a Mobile Mitt Romney Phone Bank (“a call center in a box” with 15 to 30 cell phones and stacks of campaign material so he can set up his own Victory Center at home for neighborhood volunteers to use). His winning entry is:
Our GOP Candidate we can now call Mitt,
Whose scrubbed Mormon face has nary a zit,
Is about as Republican as Clinton or Carter,
So this election is a complete nonstarter
About which I care not one whit.
The actual choice, if you survey the situation,
Is between one or another media creation.
Are these two suits half empty, or are they half full?
And how long will we be fooled by this Wall Street bull?
I’m so tired of everyone’s dumbed-down prostration.
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not completely sold on Romney):
Our GOP candidate we now can call Mitt
His poll numbers creep up bit by bit.
We hope and we pray
That come this election day,
Out of Obama he’ll really kick the shit!
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“To honor your dad on Father’s Day”
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