Daily Archives: May 11, 2012

Special Gay for Play Edition

Friday, May 11, 2012

Gay Day Pay Day

  • Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Obama did a great job of uniting the country Wednesday afternoon when he finally came out of the closet on his support for same-sex marriage on ABC TV News. ABC admits Obama picked Robin Roberts for the orchestrated announcement because of her race, age, and previous softball interviews.

Immediately afterwards, CNN’s ‘Balanced’ Coverage of Obama’s Support for Gay Marriage was five guests in favor, but only one opposed, and the three openly-gay guests were pampered with soft questions, like “What was your first reaction?” and “Did you start to cry?”

  • Obama supporters in the Press say it was an “Evolved, Historic, Composite Decision.” Obama was for it, before he was against it, before he was for it. Marriage used to be between Adam and Eve. Now Obama says it’s OK to be between Adam and Steve.
  • That’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Elayne Boosler’s “My brother is gay but my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor,” and Hurley the Historian wanted to give us a heads up: Liberace’s Birthday is next Wednesday.
  • In Washington, our DC Newbreaker says according to the Washington Free Beacon, Obama announced his support for same-sex marriage less than 48 hours after the Washington Post reported that prominent political donors were threatening to withhold donations over the president’s position on gay rights. The Blower is surprised it took that long.
  • Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose say a spam gram from Obama’s Billion Dollar Re-election Campaign at the White House arrived at 7:44 PM on Wednesday asking for donations because Obama now supports same-sex marriage, complete with a copy of the ABC News video.
  • Another coincidence: Obama made his historic endorsement on the eve of a sold-out fundraiser Thursday evening at the Los Angeles home of movie star George Clooney. That event is expected to raise close to $15 million — about $6 million from the guests and the rest from a campaign contest for $3 donors, the winners of which get to participate in the dinner.
  • Obama thanked gays and lesbians serving in the military for “fighting on his behalf,” but the Republican-controlled House Armed Services Committee in Congress backed measures prohibiting the same-sex marriage on U.S. military bases, what’s next banning gay porn sites like fuckedgay.xxx?

  • Obama’s big political problem now is that seven of nine “Battleground States” he needs to win have voted to ban same-sex marriage, including North Carolina. Isn’t the DemocRAT National Convention scheduled to begin in Charlotte on September 3?
  • Maybe that’s why Family Value Fanatic Phil Burr-ass says, “It’s going to mean Obama is going to lose Ohio and he’s going to lose all the states that are huge on this issue.”
  • The Whistleblower’s Late Night Jokewatcher says it’s time for a new round of same-sex marriage jokes from TV comedians. Some of the old jokes include:

“The White House is considering supporting same sex marriage. Experts are attributing the change to shifting public attitudes, recent court cases, and the President catching a recent episode of ‘Glee.'” —Conan O’Brien

“Gay marriage is legal in New York. That’s got to drive single women in Manhattan nuts, don’t you think? Now all the good men are married AND gay.” —Jay Leno

“Big vote in the Senate yesterday. They voted down the gay marriage ban. … It was a very close vote. 43 voted ‘yea.’ 44 voted ‘nay.’ And three voted ‘fabulous.'” —David Letterman

“Congratulations gay people — you are about to discover the joys of alimony.” —Craig Ferguson

Now for some of Wednesday’s Late Night TV Jokes

  • In a related item, Whistleblower Alternative-Life-style Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis wonder if same-sex couples want a divorce, will their cases have to be heard in Gay Court by a gay or lesbian judge?
  • Finally, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane if his publication had an official position on same-sex marriage. “The Blower has always supported same-sex marriage,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher proclaimed. “Why shouldn’t gays and lesbians be as miserable as the rest of us.”

Stories We’re Working On

  • Obama Banking on Big Donations From Gay Community
  • Christian Leaders Criticize Obama on Gay Marriage Stance
  • Black Voters Remain Divided on Same-Sex Marriage
  • House Republicans Back Limits on Gay Rights in Military
  • REPORTER: ‘I’m getting chills again’
  • Muslims shoot gays, don’t they?
  • Pictures of J. Edgar Hoover in drag called insensitive

Whistleblower Web Poll

This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said Moms really want on Mother’s Day:

(A) To sleep as late as she wants: 2%
(B) A husband to wait on her hand-and-foot: 2%
(C) Brunch at the Golden Corral: 2%
(D) Grateful offspring: 94%
(Good Luck with that, Mom!)

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

Inflated Infatuation

This week, everybody who finds it curious that Obama came out in favor of same-sex marriage only a week after the story broke that his “composite girlfriend” was full of hot air, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest. The winner is Whistleblower Advice to the Lovelorn Columnist Lothario Tadwell, who says real men don’t have to make up imaginary girlfriends. It just shows what a loser Obama’s always been. Lothario wins his own inflatable girlfriend, just like Obama’s; some of Phil Burr-ass’ old porn tapes; and a copy of Jerry Springer’s “Women I’d Like to Boink” List. His winning entry is:

When your girlfriend doesn’t really exist And you’ve never even been kissed, You can read the whistleblower Which can’t get any lower The publisher says, “My ass he can kiss.

And from the Anderson Laureate (whose old girlfriend’s doctor just found his high school ring):

When your girlfriend doesn’t really exist, How are you going to arrange a tryst? In your “Dreams from your Father?” Please, Mr. Prez, don’t bother. How long will your BS persist?

By the way … I’m just fishin’…. But did this girl come from a nocturnal emission? Haven’t we figured out yet His “Father’s Dreams” were all ‘wet’? But I guess we can’t stop him from wishin’

The first line of next week’s limerick is: “Obama says it’s now good to be gay”

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE HOT LINE

E-mail your amorous applications today.

Some totally gay items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally totally gay subscribers.

Link of the Day

Here’s How You Know You’re Gay

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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