One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories. 

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Do You Think Mitt Romney Is Now On the List?

• Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Tuesday night, the Romney Campaign surpassed the 1,144 delegates needed to secure the Presidential Nomination at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, and for those who’ve been counting the days since Obama’s inauguration, the next “158” days until the Presidential Elections in November still seem light years away.
• Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says 46% see the Obama-Romney race as a choice between the Lesser of Two Evils. That’s why the day before every election, The Blower always reminds you what those Loony Libertarians always say: A vote for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil. People who don’t stand for something will fall for anything. No matter the outcome, you should never ever vote for a candidate you don’t really believe in.
• Continuing with the words that begin with the letter “I,”  I N C O M P E T E N T  has the same number of letters as B A R A C K  O B A M A, and  Monday, the least effective commander-in-chief ever  I N S U L T E D the entire nation of Poland and all Polish Americans with his latest teleprompter-less gaffe.  During a speech honoring one of the heroes of the Nazi occupation of Poland he remarked that “the Polish death camps” were indeed horrible.  Horrible indeed, numbnuts!  They were Nazi death camps you ignoramus.   He can now kiss that kielbasa voting bloc goodbye!  Who can also forget the time he stated that “he was going to campaign in all of our 57 states”…….WTF?  Can this moron even count?  So much for that Ivy league edumacation!  We can only wonder if the LECICE (Least Effective Commander In Chief Ever) has ever studied geography or recent history. Our next word will be I R R E F U T A B L E. And is Obama now telling Jewish audiences that he knows more about Judiasm “than any other president.” Maybe that’s because “All his friends in Chicago were Jewish.” Now’s that for Chutzpah!
• In a related item, Hurley the Historian says in 1889, this was the date of the Johnstown Flood, when heavy rain and a neglected dam led to the catastrophe in which 2,209 people die and a prosperous city was nearly wiped off the face of the earth. OK, all you Failed Cincinnati Public Schools Graduates, in which state is Johnstown located.
• And speaking of the Dumbing Down of America, Obama calls protest-singing Bob Dylan and Toni Morrison, a novelist who can’t write a book without having a white man rape someone, “heroes” but can’t quite use that word to describe our military, including the ones who saved his Presidency by killing Osama bin Laden.
• In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says POLITIFACT’s Truth Meter rates GOP Senate Candidate Josh Mandel’s campaign ad “False” that claims Ohio’s Disingenuous DemocRAT U.S. Senator Sherrod Brown “cast the deciding vote on the government takeover of health care.” Actually 60 D-RATS voted for Obamacare, and every opponent of every one of them running for re-election is probably making the same claim.
• Republicans for Higher Taxes tells us they are writing a series on RINO Sheriff candidate Sean Donovan and his support for the Cincinnati Streetcar project.  Last night they posted their first entry, which introduces us to a pro-streetcar editorial written by Donovan.  Many conservatives want to know why the Hamilton County RINO Party is running a big-government streetcar candidate for Sheriff.  Chairman Alex TryinToFoolYou promises the local GOP will be fiscally conservative, yet recruited a candidate who thinks we should spend $110 million on our Dainty DemocRAT Mayor’s Trolley Folly.  Is this how Donovan will spend your money as Sheriff?
• Local Obama Voter Fraud Training begins tonight at the Obama Office in East Walnut Hills.
• Meanwhile, did the local Hamilton County RINO Party really schedule a “Young Professional Happy Hour” tonight at the same time the Blue Chip Young Republicans are having their May meeting featuring Congressman-in-Waiting “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, who obviously needs all the help he can get?
• Everybody’s wondering which one of Alex T.’s campaign geniuses put the following message on Bronze Star’s Facebook:   

I was honored to attend the dedication of Hillsboro’s veterans memorial yesterday. Highland County demonstrated their (sic) lasting dedication to our fallen servicemen and women by raising over $100,000 for the new memorial, and the ceremony was a moving reminder of the legacy our fallen soldiers leave behind.

According to that big on-line story in The Highland County Press, since we could not find his name mentioned anywhere, “Bronze Star Brad” must’ve been AWOL from that event.  

• Our City Hall Snitch says current Cincinnati Police Chief James Craig retired from the LAPD with a service pension which is based on his years of service in Los Angeles.  He did not ask for, nor receive, a disability pension from the Los Angeles Fire and Police Pension system.
• Several people sitting in traffic on Beechmont Avenue wondered why Craig’s Constables allowed that road to be shut down for three hours because of one wreck?
• Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather is still celebrating the Reds in first place, but Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says the top three home run hitters in the American League are all former Reds.  In third place, former strikeout machine Adam Dunn has 16 dingers for the White Sox. In second place, former error machine Edwin Encarnacion has 18 taters for the Toronto Blue Jays.  Leading the league, again, is former outfielder Josh Hamilton who was judged too fragile for the Reds to keep him and look after him.  Somehow, the Texas Rangers have figured out how to do that.  Of the three, only Hamilton showed actual talent when he was here, so they traded him for a pitcher who had less control of his pitches than Hamilton had of his pot.   Dunn and Encarnacion totally stank here.  What is it about playing in Cincinnati that causes people to play so poorly here and then play so well for other people?
• In Anderson Township, members of CABOOM (whatever the hell that means) who have been fighting Martin Marietta for the last four years had hoped that the Township would not side with Martin Marietta in the pending appeal. In fact, CABOOMers claim on more than one occasion the township administrator assured CABOOM members and the news media that Martin Marietta would be on its own if they appealed Judge Ruehlman’s reversal of the Board of Zoning Appeals’ approval of Martin Marietta’s plans for a major underground mining operation. Then Township Trustees filed a 35-page brief supporting Martin Marietta’s appeal! Nothing like that ever would’ve happened before Disgraced Dis-trustee Kevin O’Brien got elected.
• Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes says recent news of trans-Atlantic capacity reductions sent Delta Airlines’ stock down about 7%. Some people recommend investors sell DAL now because it could fall much further. As more investors realize how much the company is propping up its earnings with pension and postretirement plan assumptions, the stock could plummet again.
• The weather seems to be hotter this spring, and do-gooders are already asking you to donate a fan, a brand new window air conditioner, or provide a monetary donation now through August 13 to help local families in need have proper cooling and ventilation this summer.

Our Compassionate Conservative remembers a few years ago when those Blue Chip Young Republicans were selling T-Shirts that said, “What Happened to the Goddam Fans We Gave You Last Year.”

No wonder The Blower always reminds subscribers donating fans or air-conditioners during the summer heat wave to write on it with a big black permanent marker: “THIS IS A FREE FAN -  A GIFT TO THE POOR- NOT FOR Re-SALE!”

• Finally, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were complaining that their electric bills would be increasing because of the sizzling summer temperatures. “Whistleblower readers have always known where to see our local utility company ridiculed,” explained Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, “especially nearly 21 years ago in the July 16, 1991 Edition, with parody ads like the one for C G & E.”

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Yogi Berra’s “It ain’t the heat. It’s the humility.”

 So When Did The Blower Actually Begin?

Down in the catacombs, AJ the Archivist reminds us The Blower missed a great opportunity to remind all our readers about our humble beginnings yesterday, when it was the 22nd Anniversary of The Whistleblower’s very first edition. Our single printed page (Edition #1 on May 29, 1990) looked something like this:

“Enquiring Minds” want to know. Why is the Cincinnati Enquirer ignoring some of Hamilton County’s biggest scandals? Who do these stories only appear in the Cincinnati Post? Among recent news that never appeared in The Enquirer:

• SHERRIFF LEIS HIRES HIS DAUGHTER VIOLATING STATE ETHICS LAWS
• PROSECUTOR NEY REFUSES TO PROSECUTE LEIS
• CLERK OF COURT DETERS PRESENTLY EMPLOYING HIS BROTHER (at a salary $5,000 higher than comparable employees)

• ANOTHER DETERS EMPLOYEE GETTING $40,000 FOR A 26-HOUR WEEK
• DETERS FIRES DOUBLE-DIPPING REPUBLICAN LAWYER STRIGARI

          INSIDE SCOOP on why these stories weren’t covered by The Enquirer: BILL KEATING is back as President of the paper. Former Republican Judge and Congressman. Still very active in party affairs. Word in the street is that KEATING is personally killing stories about Court House corruption to protect Republican officeholders. This may also explain why Political Reporter HOWARD WILKINSON’s regular Sunday column has not run the past two weeks.

          Longtime Sharonville Mayor JOHN DOWLIN (also a longtime Republican) took out petitions to run as an “Independent” for County Commissioner against appointed-Republican STEVE CHABOT and Republican-turned-Democrat JOHN MIRLISENA. DOWLIN reportedly mad about being passed over by Republicans for a county post. Here’s the deal—DOWLIN has been promised the Republican appointment to replace County Commissioner TAFT. TAFT, running for Secretary of State, plans to resign prior to the Election—but late enough so his replacement won’t have to face the voters for two years. DOWLIN has party Honcho KOHNEN’s “pledge.” Remember—you read it here first.

In case you’re wondering, that private company that’s getting big bucks to screw up the computer programs in the COUNTY RECORDER’s office is owned by a bunch of attorneys at Graydon, Head & Richey. That’s the law firm of JOE HEAD, local Republican Party Finance Chairman. The private company has been “working” on the program for about two years, collecting fat fees, and the damn thing is still a total mess.

Things have hardly changed a lot during the past twenty years!

Bluegrass Bulletin

• In Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says last week he received a call advising him that there would be a unity rally next Monday June at a location to be announced and that even Bitch McConnell would be coming, but we still haven’t received official confirmation.

Do you think The Blower should scoop The Fishwrap with the following post: “The Blower has received word from a snitch standing outside the now vacated Goof Doofus Office in Ft. Mitchell that a unity rally has been scheduled by Fourth District Chairperson Alicia Webb Edgington, Senator Bitch McConnell, and Congressman Goof Doofus to be held at a yet-to-be-named location on D-Day, the Sixth of June?

The purpose of the rally is to sing cum-bah-ah and bury at least seven hatchets.” The Blower will be glad to publish the arrangements just as soon as we receive word and maybe another walking around commercial or two from our Trooper Babe.    

More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans

 Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our May fund-raising drive from St. Vincent De Paul, for helping publicize all that free stuff they’re giving away to poor people, so they can resell it.  

OBAMA’S KILL LIST HOT LINE

e-mail your terrorist targets today.

 Some cold-blooded items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally cold-blooded subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.

Link of the Day

Not Even Half

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Pandering to the Military

• Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Obama tried to honor himself in his Memorial Day campaign speech, pandering for votes from families of fallen American troops on Memorial Day. Some people say this was a new low for Obama, but with only “159” days until Election Day, Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says maybe Obama’s Re-election Team at the White House panicked after they saw that new Gallup Poll showing Military Veterans supporting Romney over Obama 58% to 34%.

And did you see where one of Obama’s Supporters at PMSNBC was forced to say he was sorry for not wanting to call America’s fallen military “heroes,” after the Veterans for Foreign Wars demanded his apology.

Disgraced DemocRAT, Massachusetts Congressman Bawney Fwank is also apologizing for comments he made about the Trayvon Martin case at Rob “Fighting for Fame and Fortune” Portman’s alma mater Dartmouth’s weekend graduation ceremony.

Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1431, Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. See what happens when women are allowed to serve in combat?

And today from Weasel Zippers, we have Reason #4,682,987 Taliban Jihadists should think twice about taking up arms against America.

• An Obama heckler got thrown out after he interrupted Senator John McCain at a Memorial Day event at the Veterans Museum & Memorial Center in San Diego with Mitt Romney. After the guy was taken out, McCain called him a “jerk.” If that’s not “Quote for Today” material, we don’t know what is.
• Speaking of jerks, when CNN’s Candy Crowley tried to claim Mitt Romney’s vast business experience was not a qualification for president, her guest Rudy Giuliani replied, “That’s really jerky.”
• And while we’re talking about war heroes, apparently, “Bronze Star Brad’s” campaign mangler needs an updated map of the Second Congressional District.  Brad was the keynote speaker at the City of Mason parade kick-off, however, Mason became part of the 1st Congressional District last year. This was Brad’s only official appearance on Memorial Day.  Many in the crowd of Mason residents were puzzled by his appearance, while residents in West Union were lamenting that last year, as bad as she was, Mean Jean appeared in five different Memorial Day parades throughout the District. The Blower hopes Blue Chip Young Republicans remembered to send directions to Thursday night’s meeting place where Bronze Star is scheduled to speak.

Bronze Star Brad’s campaign is being “managed” by Career Courthouse Crony Mike Robison, who’s never had to think on his feet for a living or really do any work.  The sheer ineptitude and laziness of Hamilton County RINO Preserve Game Warden Alex Trebeck’s Hand-Picked Hack is putting this previously safe seat in serious “JEOPARDY!” And at this point, political observers are beginning to wonder if Bronze Star Brad is still even running.

• And where will Alex T. now find a Republican to run against Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioner Odd Todd Opportune now that Charterite Chris Bortz bailed out? Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception says maybe Chris was tired of carrying all that dead weight.

• Meanwhile, the Obama Re-election Campaign is opening up another local office today. This one is right in the middle of Chabothead Country on Harrison Avenue in Cheviot. There goes that neighborhood.
• And are the Dysfunctional DemocRATS still looking for a real candidate to run against Greg Hartmann? Wouldn’t it be funny to look back on the promises made 15-16 years ago regarding the tremendous benefits promised from the Stadium Sales Tax by Bob Bungalhaus and Jeff Balding?  With the anniversary of that fateful vote on the horizon on Friday, perhaps our leaders could discover if the promises of “competitive teams” and the redevelopment of Downtown Hamilton County have panned out and at what expense.  Now that the soon to be elected HC Commissioners will be faced with the Hobson’s choice of 1) increasing the existing HC sales tax to generate the additional $15,000,000 required for the bonded indebtedness for the stadia, or 2) repeal the promised sales tax credit that benefits homeowners and the ridiculously high property tax rates, or 3) consider declaring a structured Bankruptcy filing for Hamilton County and letting the bondholders and sports team owners share in the upcoming “haircut” that over-taxed payers are going to feel in any of these three options.
• After receiving another e-mail Spam-gram from Obama’s Billion Dollar Re-election Campaign at the White House (this one, supposedly from Bill Clinton), Obsessive Obama Supporters sent in even more donations so they would be included in that raffle to win a free dinner with our First Gay President and our First Black President.  

But doesn’t the disclaimer on that e-mail say “No purchase, payment, or contribution necessary to enter or win” and “Contributing will not improve chances of winning?”  Wasn’t there even a place you could click here to enter without contributing? How smart are those Obama Supporters anyway?

• Finally, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he thought about the way various politicians sent out Memorial Day e-mails wishing their constituents a “Happy” Memorial Day. (Of course, these politicians never served a day in uniform in defense of this country and so they would do anything to try to wrap themselves in the flag and associate themselves with veterans.)

“Since when is Memorial Day something to be ‘Happy’ about?” Kane asked. 

Bluegrass Battalions

• Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo was watching a Memorial Day parade in Northern Kentucky when a veteran asked him if he remembered when Obama backed off his decision to require members of the military to pay for their own war injuries. Obama’s proposal was to require veterans carry private health insurance to cover the estimated $540 billion annual cost to the federal government of treatment for injuries to military personnel received during their tours on active duty.  

“Look, it’s an all volunteer force,” Obama complained. “Nobody made these guys go to war. They had to have known and accepted the risks. Now they whine about bearing the costs of their choice? It doesn’t compute.”

“I thought these were people who were proud to sacrifice for their country, “Obama continued “I wasn’t asking for blood, just money. With the country facing the worst financial crisis in its history, I’d have thought that the patriotic thing to do would be to try to help reduce the nation’s deficit. I guess I underestimated the selfishness of some of my fellow Americans.”

If the mainstream media were truly unbiased, non-partisan, and seeking the truth, there would’ve been at least a mention of Obama’s true feelings for the military yesterday.   

More Memorial Day Reflections

 It’s the soldier, not the reporter who has given us Freedom of the Press.

 It’s the soldier, not the poet, who has given us Freedom of Speech.

 It’s the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the Freedom to Demonstrate.

 It’s the soldier, not the lawyer, who has given us the Right to a Fair Trial. It’s the soldier who salutes the flag, serves under the flag and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who gives the protestor the right to burn the flag.

                                                          ~Father Dennis Edward O’Brien, USMC

MEMORIAL DAY PHOTOS HOT LINE

e-mail your digital delights today. 

Some memorializing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally memorializing subscribers.  

LINK OF THE DAY

Reveille

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscriber

• Tonight’s Republican Primary Election will be a really big deal for the Romney Campaign, because according to the GOP Delegate Counter, those 145 Texas delegates will be more than enough to win the nomination in Tampa. — Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus
• But the biggest election news story tonight will be coming from Austin, to see if Obama gets embarrassed in the DemocRAT Primary one more time. —Noted Texas Political Reporter Lone Star Tadwell
• Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says only 49% of the people they interviewed think Memorial Day is one of nation’s most important holidays, the same as last year.—Patriotic Americans
• This Memorial Day, at least Obama found time for his campaign photo op during the traditional Memorial Day event at Arlington National Cemetery and the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. —WWII Medal of Honor Winners
• What’s the big deal? Dead soldiers are only “Political Props.” —Obama Supporters in the Press
• On Friday’s date in 1980, left-wing lunatics found a new way to spew their Liberal lies when we began broadcasting. —CNN
• Just because our announcers are uncomfortable calling America’s fallen military “heroes,” doesn’t mean we’re totally unpatriotic. —Obama Rooters at PMSNBC
• Next year when Obama’s raised $1 Billion for his re-election campaign, maybe he can lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Donor in Chicago. —Compulsive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose
• Sunday’s Rolling Thunder got a lot more publicity last year when I showed up for a ride on a Harley. —Sarah Palin
• I tried to become relevant again when I showed up on Memorial Day with Mitt Romney (and his big lead over Obama with veterans) for a patriotic tribute at the Veterans Museum and Memorial Center in San Diego. —John McCain, 2008 Republican Presidential Nominee
• Did everybody see me on Sunday’s PBS Memorial Day Concert before it got rained out? —Colin Powell
• That’s why we chose General Norman Schwartzkopf’s “It doesn’t take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
• That was a truly inspirational account about the origin of “Taps” in The Blower’s Memorial Day e-dition. Unfortunately, according to Snopes.com, that story was not exactly true. —Freddy Factchecker
• That’s why I always say “When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.” —Liberty Valance
• OK, let’s see if the guys at Snopes.com can find fault with this version of “Taps.” —Tom Paine-in-the-Ass
•  Did we miss an opportunity by not having a really big event on Memorial Day? —Tea Party Patriots, Waiting For Flag Day (whenever the hell that is)
• On Memorial Day, every Real Republican in Hamilton County on the Special Whistleblower Insiders List offered a silent prayer for the souls of all those brave men and women whose political aspirations have died under the leadership of the Hamilton County RINO Party. —Political Insiders at the Conservative Agenda
• As the Official Voice of the Conservative Agenda, make sure The Blower doesn’t forget June 1 will be the 16th anniversary of the Hamilton County Stadium tax. —Looney Libertarian Josh Weitzman
• Isn’t it great that draft dodgers get a paid day off on Memorial Day too? —WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham
• The reason I didn’t ask for any money on my Happy Memorial Day message was because that over-taxed payer funded e-mail was part of my constituent service. —Disingenuous DemocRAT Sherrod Brown 
• Who says we don’t report all the important issues just because our traditional News Poll question on Memorial Day has always been “Which do you like better– brats or metts?” —TV12 News
• Does anybody remember when you could actually afford to just get in your car and drive somewhere on Memorial Day because gasoline now costs have more than doubled during the Obama Administration? —Greater Cincinnati Gas Stations
• Every year Distaste of Cincinnati is proof that Hell is full and the dead are walking the earth. —Downtown Clown-cil
• This year our members donated their used food to all those licensed panhandlers and the homeless. —Greater Cincinnati Restaurant Association
• Hasn’t anybody figured out we’ll deliver a pizza to your house for a whole lot less than it costs those idiots at Distaste of Cincinnati? —LaRosa’s
• It’s a good thing City Clown-cil passed a law saying price gouging is still OK. —Distaste of Cincinnati Vendors
• Memorial Day parades would be a lot shorter if they kept publicity-seeking politicians away and the only people marching were there to honor America’s war dead.  —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
• We were hoping to see members of the Lesbian Avengers Motorcycle Club riding topless in the Y’All Ville City parade. -—Bluegrass Breast Inspectors
• I was only there to honor the MILFs.  —Bobby Leach
• We think announcing the exact location of DUI checkpoints on Memorial Day Weekend really helps a lot. —Mothers Against Drunk Driving
• Every Memorial Day weekend, I always celebrate the anniversary of the Beverly Hills fire. —Greedy Disgraceful DemocRAT, Hearse-chasing Attorney $tan Che$ley
• On Memorial Day, I went to the cemetery to visit my law license. —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
• On Memorial Day, all Second Amendment Advocates should offer a silent prayer for the souls of all those victims of gun violence, who died because laws already on the books have not been enforced.  —Billy Bob Carbine, Bluegrass Rifle Association
• Memorial Day is one of those holidays where we honor a special event or a birthday by pretending it always happened on a Monday and then leaving our trash at the curb for an extra long time. —Uncle Jay, Who Used to Explain the News
• Did the Covington Commissioners really place a wreath for me at the Tomb of the Unknown Midget? —Disgraced Former Covington Commissioner Steve “I’m 5’0”, Not 4’11”Mergele
• Did they really have a ceremony to honor Civil War heroes like General Hooker at the Piece Bell in Newport?  —Phyllis on Madison
• Memorial Day is always a great time to enjoy a three-way.  —Paul Patton Her on the Ass
• Memorial Day is always a great day to recall your failed political campaigns. —Trey Grayson
• Tell us about it. —Gary No Moore and The Trooper Babe
• Memorial Day is always a great time to enjoy a memorial probe.  —The Murg
• Guys at the Fort Mitchell Country Club always tell me Memorial Day is a great time to wear my bikini.  —Miss Vicki
• Memorial Day would always be a great time for The Fishwrap to get scooped by The Blower on a story about a well-known person from Northern Kentucky being arrested for DUI.   —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
• Memorial Day is always a great time to be invited to a big picnic. —Weight Gainers Members Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
• We’re still trying to figure out when Confederate Memorial Day is officially celebrated in Northern Kentucky. —Rufus Redneck
• On Confederate Memorial Day, do you think I should tell people I’m related to Jefferson Davis? —Goof Doofus
• You can’t fool me. Wednesday is the traditional date for Memorial Day, right? —Trish the Dish at Channel 19 News
• Curiously, Sheree Paolello says that’s not what it says on her Celebrity Anchorbabes calendar. —Jack Atherton

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

              Sometimes The Blower ridicules sunshine patriots to show that claiming to be a Great American is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a draft dodger getting paid for a day off on Memorial Day.

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham.  

THE REAL MEANING OF MEMORIAL DAY HOT LINE

e-mail your patriotic prose today.

Some patriotic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally patriotic subscribers. 

Link of the Day

Romney Releases Memorial Day Message

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

Monday, May 28, 2012

Our Memorial Day Message

• During this entire weekend, at least three cable TV networks have been showing war movie marathons for several days, and after watching Audie Murphy, Gary Cooper, and John Wayne winning all those wars single-handed, we wondered if General George S. Patton were alive today and President of these United States, what Old Blood-and-Guts’ Memorial Day Speech might sound like:

My Fellow Americans:

As you all know, defeat of Saddam Hussein’s regime in Iraq was completed a long time ago, Osama bin Laden is dead thanks to Navy SEAL Team Six, Americans are still losing their lives in Obama’s War in Afghanistan every day, and Obama continues to lead from behind around the world.

Meanwhile, the so-called Arab Spring isn’t working out all that well, and Americans still don’t know who our friends are. Meanwhile Obama keeps trying to say he didn’t really mean to side with Hamas when he said our only ally in the Middle East Israel should give up all its land to the terrorists. And since Disingenuous DemocRATS in Congress and their willing accomplices in the press don’t want to spend any more money on any of these wars, our missions in these places must be finished by the earliest possible date.

This morning I gave the order for turning over responsibility for security in these countries to the people in these countries as soon as possible, and now is the time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during all of these conflicts. That list is short.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My aide will be distributing copies of both lists.

Effective immediately, foreign aid to all nations on List 2 ceases. Money saved would be a small down payment on balancing the Budget.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to cut taxes and solve some local problems. On that note, here’s a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we’ll hunt you down just like bin Laden and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I’m ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well and don’t count on another D-day in WWIII. Bon chance, mes amis!

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles of unfriendly nations that are parked in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped for parts, melted down and recycled into military ordinance. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, SUVs, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world (I just Love New York) and be returned to you from the muzzle of a tank, the belly of a bomber, or via a laser guided missile while you are taking a crap. And I didn’t forget your Hummers…those will be put into immediate military use, of course.

Here’s a special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since you’re going to be hearing a lot more from us, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Felipe de Jesús Calderón Hinojosa and his entire corrupt government need a real attitude adjustment. The Mexican government better learn to keep its illegal aliens at home. What if we dug a moat the length of the Mexican border, took the dirt and raised the levees in New Orleans, and put all the Florida alligators in the moat? We have a few extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. They’ll be assigned immediately to border security. One of my advisors had a suggestion for solving our Southern Border problems. He said we should cross the Rio Grande and subdivide Mexico. We could then annex the 51-58 states into the United States. The oil would become ours and the aliens would immediately become citizens. So, Mexico should start doing something with its oil. And, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty–starting now. Hasta la vista, baby!

It’s time for Americans to focus on their own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying damn straight. Nearly a century, since WWI, we have been trying to help folks around the world live a decent life. Those efforts have only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. So, it is time to cut taxes here at home because we will no longer spend our money and resources on other peoples’ problems. We will no longer sacrifice the lives of our armed forces to solve your problems and we will let you Sons of Bitches and your bitches die for your own countries and problems. Do not mistake this as being soft on defense or on terrorism. You Muslims had best take the towels off your heads and cut them up for bandages. Attack us and you will face extinction. I remind you that had it been my way in 1945, Russians would be singing the Star Spangled Banner today. And it is my way now!

A final thought to the nations on List 1- Thanks guys. We owe you. To nations on list 2: Good Luck, guys, you’re going to need it.

God bless America. Happy Memorial Day, and all of you wussies in Congress who want to give amnesty to illegal aliens and Kneepad Liberals in the Press can just kiss my ass!

More Patriotic Prose

• On Memorial Day, Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus reports former Vice President Dick Cheney admits our mission is not yet accomplished, Teddy Kennedy is now a “good DemocRAT,” and today when we honor our fallen heroes, we still have that video of John McCain singing our old Beach Boy favorite (“Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran”), as well as and this photograph of a very Disrespectful DemocRAT during the singing of the National Anthem. Maybe that explains Obama’s plans to disarm America that we didn’t hear all that much about during when the Obama Supporters in the Press purposely forgot to vet their candidate during the 2008 presidential campaign.
• Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says as Americans this Memorial Day weekend remember those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for their country, many adults nationwide will be remembering someone they knew personally. A sizable number also personally know someone who is currently serving in Afghanistan. 45% have a close friend or relative who died serving our country.
• Our current Commander-in-Chief is actually scheduled to show up today for campaign photo-ops at the traditional Memorial Day event at Arlington National Cemetery and the Vietnam Veterans Memorial today. Obama Supporters in the Press call dead soldiers “Political Props.” Meanwhile, Michelle Antionette will be jet-setting to Atlantic City, NJ at over-taxed payer expense to see the Beyonce concert. It really fills one with pride to know our teen First Daughters will be bopping and singing to “Love on Top.”
• Today’s E-dition is being brought to you by the letter “I.” Obama loves to use the word whenever he needs to, shall we say, stroke his own self evaluated success in his efforts to be the second most disliked President since fellow DemocRAT James Earl Carter. INSOUCIANCE
• The word I N S O U C I A N C E also has the same number of letters as B A R A C K  O B A M A.  Coincidence, we think not. Critics say he’s the first Commander-in-Chief to refuse to have the American flag conspicuously displayed during certain press conferences to show his allegiance to the Muslim brotherhood. Hell, he makes the draft-dodging former pants-dropper Bill Clinton look like a patriot, even though the Clinton administration was also openly hostile to the military: specifically the intentional display of loyalty to country displayed by the members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff who always wore their service uniforms proudly. Barack Obama would not have had the cajones to “pull the trigger” to kill a fellow Muslim any more than Bill or Hillary Clinton.  See also the definition of the word I N C O M P E T E N T.
• How about the word I N S I G N I F I C A N T? That has the same number of letters as M I C H E L L E  O B A M A .  Again, coincidence?  Hardly.  This is the FIRST First Lady to actively encourage children to eat better foods while at school while simultaneously encouraging students to also practice safe sex while using a condom in the school yard.  Which is the greater risky behavior with the least desirable “outcome” as the libs are prone to say?  Only in Obama’s America is eating fatty foods riskier than sexually transmitted disease or teen pregnancy and a life attached to the government teat (WELFARE) on the government plantation (PUBLIC HOUSING/SECTION 8). But at least those students will be reliable DemocRAT voters for the foreseeable future:  assuming that they can be bused to the polls (UNION JOBS) and be told who to vote for.
• On the other hand, Mitt Romney is scheduled to appear Monday with a real war hero, Arizona GOP Sen. John McCain, at a Veterans Museum and Memorial Center in San Diego, a conservative region and so-called Navy town. Now let’s all watch our “We the People” video on Memorial Day.

• A well-known war hero we know thinks it’s still disingenuous and intellectually dishonest for people to claim that they are “for” the troops but “against” the war. Damn it, the troops ARE the war, too. It can’t be compartmentalized, and anybody who says it can is either lying, sadly misinformed, or just plain stupid. Hurley the Historian says, “We’re still in it, one way or the other and we have to finish it, one way or the other.” We just can’t leave and dishonestly claim success like we did in Vietnam. Our national meaning is at stake and people just don’t realize what it does to us when all the tinhorn dictators and long-time tyrants see us pull our punches and fly away. That shows us as so weak, and invites attack against us and our people way more than some realize.
• Our Quote for Today Committee is reminded of the opening line from Thomas Paine’s “The Crisis” which was printed in December, 1776: “THESE are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.”
• In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders all over Ohio, pandering politicians will be promoting their own re-elections at Memorial Day Parades this weekend. We’ll really miss seeing “Junketing Jean” Schmidt this year, now that she won’t be running in this fall’s November’s election in only “161” more days. Maybe she’s entertaining the troops on one of her trips.
• Metro Mole says usually on the front page of The Fishwrap on the Sunday before Memorial Day, Skaggie Maggie’s minions totally sacrifice Patriotism for Political Correctness, and of course, some advertising. But this year it featured Cliff Radel’s big story about Larry DuPree, who plays taps on his silver bugle whenever local veterans are laid to rest. On the front of the Local section, we saw Krista Ramsey’s much-smaller story about veterans welcoming returning members of the military in Blue Ash. Buried inside the Forum section, there were four stories remembering our fallen heroes, but the lead editorial was about schools in Covington. What a great place for a guest column by “Bronze Star Brad,” if only our current war hero’s campaign mangler wasn’t genetically conditioned to wait on orders from Alex T. Mall Cop GOP to put down his beer, tell his patronage-hire girlfriend to sit tight for a couple hours, put away his golf clubs, and do some campaign work.
• And while everyone is enjoying the MILFS on the first official day of beach and pool season, at Sunday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Charles Foster Kane said it’s time to stop and reflect on our reason to take a day off from all that malarkey Obama Supporters in the Press have been oozing forth ever since Obama began standing by watching America’s battles through heavy lenses. Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher asked Political Insiders if they remembered Obama’s disgraceful reference to “American Arrogance,” and showed slides of some of our “European Arrogances.” We’ll show them to you in alphabetical order.
• And Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wonders if any of you have ever been to a military funeral in which “Taps” was played. Here’s something every American should know: We in the United States have all heard the haunting song, “Taps.” It’s the song that gives us that lump in our throats and usually tears in our eyes. But, do you know the story behind the song?  If not, I think you will be interested to find out about its humble beginnings.

Reportedly, it all began in 1862 during the Civil War, when Union Army Captain Robert Ellicombe was with his men near Harrison’s Landing in Virginia. The Confederate Army was on the other side of the narrow strip of land.

During the night, Captain Ellicombe heard the moans of a soldier who lay severely wounded on the field. Not knowing if it was a Union or Confederate soldier, the Captain decided to risk his lifeand bring the stricken man back for medical attention. Crawling on his stomach through the gunfire, the Captain reached the stricken soldier and began pulling him toward his encampment.

When the Captain finally reached his own lines, he discovered it was actually a Confederate soldier, but the soldier was dead.

The Captain lit a lantern and, suddenly caught his breath and went numb with shock. In the dim light, he saw the face of the soldier. It was his own son. The boy had been studying music in the South when the war broke out. Without telling his father, the boy had enlisted in the Confederate Army.

The following morning, heartbroken, the father asked permission of his superiors to give his son a full military burial, despite his enemy status. His request was only partially granted.

The Captain had asked if he could have a group of Army band members play a funeral dirge for his son at the funeral, but the request was turned down since the soldier was a Confederate.

But, out of respect for the father, they did say they could give him only one musician. The Captain chose a bugler.  He asked the bugler to play a series of musical notes he had found on a piece of paper in the pocket of the dead youth’s uniform.

his wish was granted, and the haunting melody, we now know as “Taps” used at military funerals was born. Now let’s all watch and listen to “Taps Buglers at Arlington National Cemetery.”

• Finally, in the words of our good friend Lt. Colonel Ollie North, “It’s time to thank all those who have worn this country’s uniform and have served in our Armed Forces. We especially pay tribute to those whose lives were lost in defense of this country. Memorial Day is a special time for all of us to remember that America enjoys freedom today because of the soldiers, sailors, airmen, Guardsmen and Marines, who have all sacrificed their lives for the defense of our nation.”

And Whistleblower Presidential Scholar in Residence Patrick Maloney also says, you shouldn’t forget Ronald Reagan’s, “Most of us wonder if our lives make any difference. Our fighting men and women don’t have that problem.” 

REMEMBERING MEMORIAL DAY HOTLINE  

e-mail your patriotic prose today.

 Some patriotic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally patriotic subscribers.

Patriotic Links of the Day

2012 National Memorial Day Concert Preview

PLUS

The Wrong Army 

Remember Me

This Will Make You Proud

The Greatest Play in Baseball

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

Sunday, May 27, 2012

The Blower’s Week in Review  

• OUR NUMBER ONE OBAMA STORY THIS WEEK was how according to a lot of people, it‘s been a rough week for President Obama as his campaign’s mainline of attack against presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney has struggled, thrusting momentum to the side of the former Massachusetts governor’s campaign. On Friday the RNC released a new ad highlighting the “mutiny” against President Obama from May 20 to May 25, pointing to “fourteen DemocRATS and counting” who have spoken out against actions made by the president and his reelection campaign. 

And just for fun, Romney’s Responders released a campaign commercial saying “It’s been Obama’s worst week ever.” But The Blower says ,”Just wait. Obama has many more ‘bad weeks’ coming up.” 

• OUR NUMBER TWO OBAMA STORY THIS WEEK was when somebody in the press covering the GOP Veep-stakes story finally figured out U.S. Senator Rob “Fighting for Fund-raisers” Portman was a “boring white guy.” Reporters from all over the country have been e-mailing The Blower to ask permission to search our archives, because we’ve been covering The Robster ever since Congressman Willis Gradison retired in 1993 and the guys on Fourth Street decided Portman would be the best Congressman they could buy.

Curiously, all those Dirt Digging DemocRATS have been especially interested in stories about when The Robster first went to Washington and got his first Patton, Boggs & Blow job.

• AND OUR NUMBER THREE OBAMA STORY THIS WEEK was when most so-called political reporters wrote about the “Tea Party” victory for Lewis County’s Judge-Executive Thomas Massie Tuesday night. The Republican establishment in CamBoo Land was blaming the Texas Super-PAC that spent $560,000 on radio and television ads supporting Massie and attacking opponents Boondoggle County Judge-Executive Gary Moore and the Whistleblower’s own Trooper Babe, Alicia Webb-Edgington. Another super PAC, Americans for Growth, Opportunity and Prosperity, spent more than $80,000 on mailers supporting Massie.

But the real story was the 16-point case of “Whoop Ass’” that was opened up on Trooper Babe Alicia Webb Edgington.  This was the sad byproduct of Goof Doofus’ embarrassing, complete loss-of-power and stature, in spite of The Whistleblower’s “Legs” commercial, which should’ve been on TV a few more times.  Her victory would’ve been by a landslide.  

Political Pundits are now comparing Alicia’s humiliating defeat to Junketing Jean Schmidt’s ouster in March. In both races, our Tea Party Patriots opposed the Republican Establishment and Super PACs spent a lot of money to defeat each of them. The biggest differences are that, Thomas Massie, the guy who beat our Trooper Babe in Kentucky, didn’t sell his soul to the Hamilton County RINO Party, which means he has a campaign manager who actually knows what it’s like to work for a living, in contrast to Wenstrup’s career-bureaucRAT posing as a campaign manager, hoping to land a cushy over-taxed-payer-funded gig in Wenstrup’s Congressional office at twice his previous over-taxed-payer-funded salary in the Clerk of Courts’ office.

• MONDAY in our Special “Bluegrass Primary” E-dition, The Blower said, “you don’t vote, you’ll be leaving the decision to someone even dumber than you are!”:           

In a rare editorial by our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, Charles Foster Kane explained how before every election, The Whistleblower-Newswire is always deluged with calls, faxes, text messages, and e-mails asking which candidates and issues we plan to endorse. As the official publication for all that scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing which will be forever known as Bluegrass Indecision 2012, our readers have every right to expect nothing less.

 But the fact that only one day before the Bluegrass Primary Elections on May 22 (May 23 for DemocRATS), after all of our penetrating reporting and scathing commentary, there could have been any doubt about which candidates or issues we might cheer or jeer was further tribute to the astounding even-handedness of our always fair-and-balanced journalism.

[READ MORE HERE]

• TUESDAY in our Special “Bluegrass Indecision 2012 Update”” E-dition, The Blower was waiting to see how much a Fishwrap endorsement is really worth and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:

The big day has finally arrived, but will the National Spotlight really be on Kentucky tonight to see the results of the Bluegrass Primary Elections? —Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus

The reason tonight won’t be a big deal is because according to the GOP Delegate Counter, Kentucky’s 45 delegates aren’t enough for us to win the nomination. That’ll come next week in Texas. —The Romney Campaign 

Does a photo op with the UK Wildcats count as campaigning in Kentucky? —The Obama Re-election Campaign at the White House

The biggest election news story tonight will be coming from Little Rock, to see if Obama gets beat in the DemocRAT Presidential Primary, like he almost did in West Virginia. —Noted Arkansas Political Reporter Razorback Tadwell

What if we said “No Republican has ever won the White House without first winning Kentucky?” —Former Fishwrapper Howard Wilkinson, who has never been heard from again at WNKU-FM in Northern Kentucky

[READ MORE HERE]

• WEDNESDAY in our Special “Obama’s Damage Control” E-dition, The Blower asked how whenever Obama gets himself into trouble, he always mentions Osama:

Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus said it looked like another bad week for Obama. DemocRATS were even doing damage control on their damage control these days.

Noted Arkansas Political Reporter Razorback Tadwell said with then only “166” more days until the Presidential Elections, Disillusioned DemocRATS keep calling to find out how Obama did in Tuesday’s Primary Election. After all, only two weeks ago an imprisoned felon got 41% of the vote against Obama in the West Virginia Primary. 

But it wasn’t all bad news for Obama today. The Communist Party USA announced its support for his reelection bid. “It used to be that we had to run our own candidates for public office,” recounted Chairman Sam Webb. “In recent years, though, we’ve found a huge overlap with many of the candidates running on the DemocRAT ticket. Of these, President Obama is the best of the lot.”

[READ MORE HERE]

• THURSDAY, in our Special “Divided DemocRATS” E-dition, The Blower asked if Obama didn’t used to want to bring people together and we added more DemocRAT D-Words to our list :“Discouraged,” “Dissatisfied,” and “Divided,”

Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus said when an “historic” president is running for re-election, primary elections are not supposed to be an embarrassment, but only two weeks ago an imprisoned felon got 41% of the vote against Obama in the West Virginia Primary, and Tuesday, Noted Arkansas Political Reporter Razorback Tadwell reported 41% of Discouraged DemocRATS in Arkansas voted for unknown lawyer John Wolfe from Tennessee, while in Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo said Obama lost 42% of Bluegrass primary voters to “uncommitted.”

No doubt Obama Supporters in the Press will dismiss those Dissatisfied DemocRATS as racists, claiming white DemocRATS in Appalachia won’t vote for Obama just because he is black.

Meanwhile, White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard broke the needle on the BS meter when he told reporters Obama really isn’t mad at Defiant DemocRATs who are repudiating him these days. That was right after Cardboard refused to condemn Obama’s Occupy Protesters after Obama last weekend’s rampage during the NATO Summit in Chicago.

[READ MORE HERE]

• FRIDAY in our Special “Pre-Memorial Day Weekend Getaway” E-dition, The Blower said, it was time for something really patriotic as we worked on our Memorial Day Checklist:

This weekend, we planned to write something truly inspirational about all those brave men and women who answered our country’s call and gave the last full measure of their devotion, fighting for freedom from the Halls of Montezuma to the deserts of Afghanistan and Iraq. We even planned to show you a lot of patriotic videos, like this one.

Hurley the Historian said we should review how Memorial Day has its roots in a post-Civil War holiday called “Decoration Day,” explain how observance of the holiday has changed over the years, and urge that the legacy never be forgotten.

Others said this weekend we should march in a parade with flag-waving politicians, watch John Wayne and Audie Murphy war movies all day on TV, or cut weeds at a Veterans Cemetery, while trying not to feel guilty about ignoring living conditions for those poor, mistreated Al Qaeda terrorist detainees at GITMO.

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose a trio of quotes from The Duke: “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway,” “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid,” and “If you’ve got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.”

[READ MORE HERE]

• SATURDAY in our Special “Distaste of Cincinnati” E-dition, The Blower reminded readers that in Cincinnati there was no accounting for taste.

The Blower asked, “Where will the Distaste of Cincinnati be this weekend?” As usual, the Distaste of America’s Worst Run City would be downtown. But scared suburbanites still don’t need Demon Lynchmob, Rhymin’ Reverends, Ken “Mad Dawg” Lawson, SMLP Smithermouth, producers of “Cops,” Cincinnati’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory, Disgruntled DemocRAT Tracie Hunter, or the rest of Judge Mr$. $tan Che$ley’s political posse of racial terrorists to tell them to stay away. They will figure that out for themselves, simply because it’s a really overrated event. Urging black people to stay away is not much of a threat. In fact, if Black Boycotter Nate “Rhymes With Hate” Livingston could positively guarantee no Negros would ever show up, downtown crowds would probably double.

Maybe next year Liz Roger’s Over-Taxed Payer Subsidized Million Dollar Soul Food Bistro, if it’s still in business, could have a booth so black folks would feel more welcome.

[READ MORE HERE]

THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL

Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. 

SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE

e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.

• REPUBLICANS IN 2012: It’s been a good week for Mitt Romney. The polls are up, he’s just off a two-day swing through Connecticut and New York where he hauled in big donors and hard money, and he swept the GOP primaries in Kentucky and Arkansas. Next Tuesday, Texas will put him over the top and make him, formally and officially, the Republican nominee for president.
• OBAMA 2012: Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose say first the Obama Campaign raffled off dinner with George Clooney. Now there’s a lottery for dinner with former Cincinnati Celebrity Sarah Jessica Parker. Soon they’ll be a chance to have dinner with our First Gay President and our First Black President. Rose wonders if she wins, does she have to wear her blue dress?
• OHIO RINO PARTY: In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders reports Ohio RINO Party Boss Boob Bennett says don’t expect Presidential Candidate Ron Paul to have much impact in Tampa. In the Ohio presidential primary in March, Paul earned just one of Ohio’s 66 delegates to the National Convention. The Blower told you The Boobster would unite the party.
• THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says the Memorial Day weekend is the unofficial start of summer for many Americans, and it’s a good time to take stock of where the nation’s at. 64% of likely U.S. Voters prefer a government with fewer services and lower taxes. Most voters also continue to believe tax cuts are good for the economy and that more government spending has a negative impact. In spite of these core beliefs, Obama is calling for less austerity and larger deficits. No wonder voters in this country remain dubious that their election officials will wrestle the federal government under control.
• OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “Just two weeks after a felon in jail got 41% of the Democratic vote in West Virginia, President Obama got embarrassed again in Arkansas yesterday when an unknown lawyer got 42%. See, that proves once and for all that there’s only a 1% difference between a lawyer and a convicted felon.”
• HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1941, FDR proclaimed an unlimited national emergency. Obama says that was all Bush’s fault too.
• OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE: chose President Ronald Reagan’s “Facts are stubborn things.”
• VOTER FRAUD UPDATE: Florida’s Secretary of State is set to announce 53,000 dead voters have been purged from the voter rolls in Florida. How many were purged in Hamilton County after Federal Judge Mr$. $tan Che$ley ordered  the recound that gave the seat Judge John Williams won fair and square to Ditzy DemocRAT Traci Hunter?
• HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY: Down at the Hamilton County RINO Preserve, Walnut Street Wizards Alex T. Mall Cop GOP, “Princess Marge” Wuellner, and former New York City DemocRAT Ashtray Chloroform woke up recently and decided it was time to get off Facebook and Twitter for just a bit and pretend to actually do some campaign work.  Fortunately, while Marge was shoe-shopping at Kenwood Towne Centre, she ran into some old money folks and the idea for a cocktail party as a work-related fund-raiser was re-born. Then, Ash went to their Young Leaders front group, the group organized to make sure no genuine conservatives with real ideas ever advances in the party, and they agreed to add a few names.  The promise of free booze got a few more names involved.  Alas, these old-money and new-economy folks aren’t real conservatives and don’t always like calling themselves Republicans. That’s how the idea for TEAM 2012 was born.   The fund-raiser will go towards pretending to pay the trust-fund babies and those born with the right pedigree that will pretend to work at campaign jobs that will look impressive on a resume in a few years when they graduate, and everyone has forgotten just how incompetent the party was that year.   What a lovely idea: hold a cocktail party fund-raiser for the vaunted “Team 2012” machine in June, when the year is almost half over and the election is just five months away. 
• MEDIA MENDACITY: Is there a single political pundit out there who thinks Sean Hannity didn’t wind up with egg all over his face when he invited Colin Powell on his Fox News TV Program? Hannity’s biggest embarrassment, of course, was believing Colin Powell was a Republican in the first place.
• LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #149 is name the three shortest books in the world.

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Rahm Emanuel
“Humility and Its Virtues” by Barack Obama
And “What the Constitution Means to Me” by Nancy Pelosi

• REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES: were not on vacation last week. It only seemed that way.
• SOREHEADS IN THE SUBURBS: Saturday, in The Blower’s Top Ten List, the Number One thing your wife really didn’t want to hear in Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory’s murder-free zone at “Distaste of Cincinnati” was… “Hey, where are all the white women at?”
• MORE FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERY:  Even our Feckless Fishwrappers know enough to slap a few patriotic pictures on the front page this weekend.
• RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says 40% now say Trayvon Martin was shot in self-defense, but only 24% say it was murder. The Blower says it sounds like there just might be some “reasonable doubt” in the prosecution’s case. 
• THE CINCINNATI MESS (You’ll only read about in The Blower):  Panhandlers and protesters beware. There’s a red terror alert downtown during “Distaste of Cincinnati,” and despite budget problems at City Hall and the fact that our new joke Police Chief is still afraid to take the test that would authorize him to make an arrest, Cincinnati Police say they’re totally prepared. Once again, our good friend Officer Matt “Shoot His Dick Off” Martin will be on duty and Fang-man’s Fanatics have a beanbag with your name on it.
• IN ANDERSON: You don’t really have to go downtown for “Taste of Cincinnati” this weekend. For $4 and a coupon, “In Russ We Trust” Jackson says you can get all the crappy food you can stomach at any one of 27 all-you-can eat Chinese buffets in the Food Court in Anderson Township, although most avoirdupois Andersonians prefer the Hibachi Grille in Cherry Grove.
• OHIO’S SECOND CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT: “Junketing Jean” Schmidt Press Flack Barrett Brunsman says his boss actually dropped by Congress on May 18 to say a few scripted words about the third anniversary of the end of the civil war in Sri Lanka, most people wanted to know how many Turks they had living in that country.
• READING THE TEA LEAVES:  Local Tea Party Patriots were thrown a small bone this week.  The Tea Party Guy was actually permitted to be one of the ribbon cutters at the opening of the Hamilton County RINO Party’s so-called Romney Victory Center downtown. Wasn’t it nice of them to schedule the event at 4:30 PM?  After all, normal people with normal jobs can easily get downtown by 4:30 PM for a meaningless ceremony.  Is the Hamilton County RINO Party looking out for working men and women or what?
• NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: Just in time for the sweltering spring heat wave, we found this profligate poem by our old friend Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, from his latest book, “Remembering When,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves. 

        “Springtime Surprise”
            A no-bra blouse
            No underpants
            A fleeting breeze
            Its favor grants.

• IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo would like to know why The Blower unlike The Fishwrap has not contacted Trey Grayson for comments on why the Tea Party remains so strong in Northern Kentucky and why the Tea Party Members in Northern Kentucky are able to separate the true conservatives from the RINOs. It appears the Tea Party people in Northern Kentucky reject those RINOs and send a strong message to them that they could go down to defeat at any time. Could it be that The Blower unlike The Fishwrap doesn’t seek information from losers when looking for political commentary?
• THIS WEEK IN KENTON CIRCUIT COURT: The latest and greatest e-dition of Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders glorious e-newsletter is on cyber news stands now, but The Robster forgot to send us the information for our weekly promo. Perhaps he was too busy laughing when he saw the next item that appeared in Saturday’s Special “Distaste of Cincinnati” E-dition.
• FRIVOLOUS LAWSUIT UPDATE: Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters says if you get ptomaine poisoning, he’d be glad to sue the vendor for you, except that the Ohio Supreme Court just suspended his law license for 61 days, just like the Bluegrass Bar Association did, except they forgot to mail his license back to him when his suspension was supposed over. Maybe “Crazy Eric” should’ve enclosed a self-addressed stamped envelope when he mailed it in. Now let’s check out Crazy Eric’s web page to see what’s going on. 

• THIS WEEK AT A MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane what he thought about Tuesday’s Bluegrass Congressional Primary Contest, to see how our Tea Party Patriots humiliated the Republican Establishment one more time. Everybody had thought The Blower’s Special Super PAC E-dition would affect the outcome, especially when we showed the “Legs” TV commercial Trooper Babe Alecia Webb-Edgington should’ve run.

• AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”: The Blower’s Campaign Countdowns to will continue. Speaking of which, the 2012 Elections are only “162” days away.

Monday is “Memorial Day,” which is always in May 21. Unfortunately, we missed the memo explaining why.

Tuesday is “Learn About Composting Day,” and so maybe we can get away with recycling some of our jokes that day.

Wednesday will be “Water a Flower Day” something about which our dog needs no reminding.

Thursday is “World No Tobacco Day.” Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em.

And the first line of next Friday’s limerick is: “Paying four dollars for a gallon of gas.”

WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE

e-mail your revolutionary recaps today

Some political scorekeeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political scorekeeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. 

Link of the Day

Memorial Day Tribute

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Friday, May 25, 2012

Memorial Day Check List

• This weekend, we planned to write something truly inspirational about all those brave men and women who answered our country’s call and gave the last full measure of their devotion, fighting for freedom from the Halls of Montezuma to the deserts of Afghanistan and Iraq. We even planned to show you a lot of patriotic videos, like this one.

• Hurley the Historian said we should review how Memorial Day has its roots in a post-Civil War holiday called “Decoration Day,” explain how observance of the holiday has changed over the years, and urge that the legacy never be forgotten.

• Others said this weekend we should march in a parade with flag-waving politicians, watch John Wayne and Audie Murphy war movies all day on TV, or cut weeds at a Veterans Cemetery, while trying not to feel guilty about ignoring living conditions for those poor, mistreated Al Qaeda terrorist detainees at GITMO.
• Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose a trio of quotes from The Duke: “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway,” “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid,” and “If you’ve got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.”
• This Memorial Day, Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says only 11% of likely U.S. voters think the War on Terror is over, 51% now believe the United States should remove all its troops from Western Europe and let the Europeans defend themselves, and 69% think the United States should not commit forces overseas unless it is vital to U.S. national security. 
• The Blower can hardly wait to hear Obama’s phony patriotic Memorial Day message telling all Americans to honor our fallen troops.
• Everybody’s wondering if Obama, who’s sent thousands of troops into war in Afghanistan, will again be MIA for the traditional Memorial Day event at Arlington National Cemetery. Obama Supporters in the Press call dead soldiers “Political Props.” Do you think the troops are starting to miss George Bush yet?
• Further insulting our nation’s fallen heroes, last year Obama e-mailed supporters, asking them to add their names to a list of people who proudly stand with Obama to allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military. Obama says next year after he’s re-elected, he’ll go to Key West on Memorial Day to lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Homosexual.
• The Blower remembers when local Demo-Labor Party bosses e-mailed phony Memorial Day messages that began with:

As we approach this Memorial Day, please remember that its real purpose was to pause to give thanks and honor to those who have sacrificed their lives for our county. Some were Democrats, some were Republicans, some were independents or members of other political parties, but they all fought and died so that we may continue to enjoy our democracy.

 Damn! You can’t get much more non-partisan than that. (But you know they didn’t really mean it.)  

• The Blower also remembers the Chairman’s Memorial Day Blog at Hamilton County RINO Party Headquarters. Old Blue-face was waxing poetic about whether the guy who won “American Idol” was really a Republican. What else can you expect from a guy whose blog is so far out of date?

Up to date internet communications don’t appear to be a political priority for the candidates Alex T. controls, either. [THERE’S NO NEED TO STAND AND SALUTE THIS]

• Good grief! Even our Feckless Fishwrappers will know enough to slap a few patriotic pictures on the front page this weekend. Now you know why so few Americans will admit to being Republicans these days. 
• As former Vice President Dick Cheney so effectively pointed out, September 11 showed us Freedom is not free. Millions of Americans have been killed, wounded, or are still missing, giving their lives during our country’s history, serving our nation in our armed forces. Without their selfless sacrifices, our nation and the freedoms we too often take for granted would not exist.
• Now The Blower says on Memorial Day we should check which color the alert is, honor our heroes, and remember when Ronald Reagan said “Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.”  

• Also on Sunday night, we should watch the National Memorial Day Concert on TV featuring riveting performances from some of the world’s biggest stars. In addition, acclaimed actors will present personal stories of love and sacrifice submitted by viewers through the concert’s Virtual Wall of Remembrance.

The program is co-hosted by Joe Mantegna (CRIMINAL MINDS) and Gary Sinise (CSI: NEW YORK), two acclaimed actors who have dedicated themselves to veteran’s causes and supporting our troops. We’re pretty sure Obama is going to be busy with some crucial patriotic fund-raising events elsewhere.

Bluegrass Burials

• Ken CamBoo says Alecia Webb-Embarassment really “took it on the chin” from the people who talked her into running for the Goofster’s empty seat in Congress.  In January, when announcing her candidacy for Congress, not only did she have to resign her $125,000 consulting job at SEARCH – The National Consortium for Justice Information & Statistics (Whatever the hell that is?), now she is out of her $40,000 job as State Reptile.  Appears the Edgington household has taken a serious pay cut after Tuesday’s debacle.  And to think she could have run for retiring Senator Jack Westwood’s 23rd District seat and won it handily, without having to quit her consulting gig. Timing is everything and the fates were kind to Chris McDaniel, because Alecia was not running.

Probably Alicia’s best quote during the campaign was “I’m not going to close the door to anything at this juncture. But we’re not looking to have any bloody primaries among Republicans.”

Political Pundits are now comparing Alicia’s humiliating defeat to Junketing Jean Schmidt’s ouster in March. In both races, our Tea Party Patriots opposed the Republican Establishment and Super PACs spent a lot of money to defeat each of these RINOs. The biggest differences are that, Thomas Massie, the guy who beat our Trooper Babe in Kentucky, didn’t sell his soul to the Hamilton County RINO Party, which means he has a campaign manager who actually knows what it’s like to work for a living, in contrast to Wenstrup’s career-bureaucRAT posing as a campaign manager, hoping to land a cushy over-taxed-payer-funded gig in Wenstrup’s Congressional office at twice his previous over-taxed-payer-funded salary in the Clerk of Courts’ office.

• JUDGES NO-MOORE?  Gary Moore lost his own county to Thomas Massie by 16% where he has been Judge Executive for 14 years!  This loss is a follow up to his last election where he kept his job by only 74 VOTES!  And this near loss was to Cathy Flaig, who is known for having to ride “the short bus” to Boondoggle County Fiscal court meetings!  So not only is Gary up for election in 2014 to retain his Judge Executive position, but his wife Joy Moore is the current Judge for KY’s Sixth District Court of Appeals.  She is also up for re-election in 2014. The Sixth District Court of Appeals mirrors the Fourth Congressional District which her husband just lost big time.  Depending on name recognition or confusion (How would you like to live in that household and answer the phone? Hello Judge, which Judge? Judge Moore.  Which Judge Moore?  Sounds like a modern day “Who’s on first”) based on the current backlash against Gary and Tea Partiers after his scalp, could BOTH Judge Moores be out of a job come November 2014?
• Finally, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says although many patriotic people will be celebrating Memorial Day this weekend, Confederate Memorial Day is officially celebrated in Kentucky on June 3, because Confederate President Jefferson Davis was born on that date in 1808 in Fairview, Kentucky. For those of you who don’t know where Fairview is, it’s near Hopkinsville, wherever in the hell that is.

The Department of Homeland Insecurity is still keeping the terrorist alert level at “Yellow,” which signifies a “significant risk of terrorist attacks.” That means the government should be coordinating security efforts with the armed forces and/or law enforcement agencies and take additional precautions at public events. Have fun at your Memorial Day picnic.

REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.

Stories We’re Working On

• Obama’s Real Deficit for Last Year: $5 Trillion  
• WH Scolds Media for Buying GOP ‘BS’ on Spending
• Trump plans anti-Obama Super PAC
• 150 people fail to show for Obama fundraiser
• Biden Not Well Liked in Swing States
• Bill Clinton snapped in Monaco hanging with porn stars
• Trooper Babe offered News Legs Job on Fox TV

Whistleblower Web Poll

          This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said most Apathetic Americans would be spending Memorial Day:            

            (A)  Remembering all our fallen heroes: 2%
            (B)  Paying more than $2.50-per-gallon for gasoline: 1%
            (C)  Watching John Wayne movies on TV: 1%
            (D)  Getting another day off with pay: 96% 

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

Fine Dining on a Stick

This week, everybody who thinks holding this year’s Distaste of Cincinnati at Fountain Square is just about what you’d expect from the worst-run city in America that spent $42 million to wipe out every business in the area for two years while they moved the Fountain six feet North during their guaranteed one-year renovation project, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

          The winner is Avoirdupois Andersonian Freddy Fatass. Our Weight Gainers member says driving downtown has always been expensive, even before you had to take out a second mortgage to fill the tank on your SUV, but trekking downtown just to eat an overpriced chicken wing or a meatball on a stick is a real gourmet delight. As always, downtown trolleys would be the answer.

Freddy wins an “I Survived the Distaste of Cincinnati” T-Shirt, an opportunity to buy a small slice of Larosa’s Pepperoni Cheese Pizza for $3, a scoop of Graeter’s Ice Cream for $4, a crappy $3.95 Izzy’s Reuben sandwich for only $5, or a month’s supply of Beano for the ride home. His winning entry is:

Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
Five bucks buys an overcooked hamburger patty,
Or sushi the size of a lousy nickel
(A buck extra if you add a pickle);
And the trailer park trash makes the venue so ratty.

Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
The choices almost drive me batty.
The chefs all compete
To induce you to eat
Something fancy, no plain burger patty.

Some of the food tastes funny,
Some is hard, some soft, some runny.
You need to make sure
And not go if you’re poor
‘Cause whatever you get, it will cost lots of money.

Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti.
The streets are all jammed full of fatties
They walk stand to stand
With pon-corn in hand
Slurpin’ diet cokes to look good for their Daddies.

Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti,
We shell out for portions quite ratty.
You’ll be served brats and metts
Right next to Port-O-Lets,
And for the gourmet? Filet of catty!

And from the Anderson Gourmet (who’s still not successfully completed his correspondence course in low-fat cooking):

Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
The throngs and hordes drive me batty.
So I think I’ll stay home
On my chair of styrofoam
And listen to Gian Carlo Menotti

Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti,
You promise to eat only one burger patty.
But there is so much good food
And you’re in a gluttonous mood
So you end up being the same old fatty.

Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti,
The prices get more and more batty.
This I think I’ll stay home,
And eat something in Styrofoam
Maybe a veggie burger, or tofu patty.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Paying Four Dollars for a Gallon of Gas”

CHEAP GAS HOT LINE

E-mail lowest prices today.

Some price gouged items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally price gouged subscribers 

Links of the Day

Midget Stealing Gasoline

PLUS

Gasoline Prices in Your Neighborhood 

We’re getting ready to be really patriotic on Memorial Day

    Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories. 

Thursday, May 24, 2012

More DemocRAT D-Words:

“Discouraged,” “Dissatisfied,” and “Divided”

• Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says when an “historic” president is running for re-election, primary elections are not supposed to be an embarrassment, but only two weeks ago an imprisoned felon got 41% of the vote against Obama in the West Virginia Primary, and Tuesday, Noted Arkansas Political Reporter Razorback Tadwell says 41% of Discouraged DemocRATS in Arkansas voted for unknown lawyer John Wolfe from Tennessee, while in Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo reports Obama lost 42% of Bluegrass primary voters to “uncommitted.” 

No doubt Obama Supporters in the Press will dismiss those Dissatisfied DemocRATS as racists, claiming white DemocRATS in Appalachia won’t vote for Obama because he is black.

• Meanwhile, White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard broke the needle on the BS meter when he told reporters Obama really isn’t mad at Defiant DemocRATs who are repudiating him these days. That was right after Cardboard refused to condemn Obama’s Occupy Protesters after they trashed everything in sight last weekend during the NATO Summit in Chicago.
• Now here’s Joe Biden’s “Blame of the Day” from his never-ending list of Vice Presidential Verbal Gaffes: “The Tea Party caused the recession.”
• Today there are only “165” more days until the Presidential Elections in November, and The Blower predicts it’s only going to get worse.
• Meanwhile, closer to home, Hurley the Historian says when Major League Baseball’s first-ever night game was played under the newly installed lights at Crosley Field on this date in 1935, the Cincinnati Reds beat the Philadelphia Phillies 2-1.
• That’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose former Reds Manager Sparky Anderson’s: “Don’t call us (ballplayers) heroes. Firemen are heroes.”
• Finally, at yesterday’s “Bribe Lunch,” a political consultant was asking Charles Foster Kane what he thought about all that money people were losing who’d bought Facebook stock last week. “Maybe that’s why Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes had advised against buying it,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher explained, “especially since financial regulators in the U.S. are now taking a closer look at whether key information about the company’s financial prospects was provided to special select investors in advance of the sale, but withheld from others.”

The Blower’s “Just Say No to Social Networking” Policy is well known, despite the fact that a few prominent people still claim to be The Blower’s Faux Facebook “Friends.”

Bluegrass Ballot Boycotts

• In Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says fewer than 14% of Kentucky voters went to the polls on Tuesday, which means 86% disregarded what Jesse “The Body” Ventura always said: “If you don’t vote, you’ll be leaving the decision to someone even dumber than you are.”  The same 86% will no doubt also pay no attention to The Blower’s admonition that “People who don’t vote have no right to complain.”

Most so-called political reporters are writing about the “Tea Party” victory for Lewis County’s Judge-Executive Thomas Massie Tuesday night.

The Republican establishment in CamBoo Land will no doubt  blame that Texas Super-PAC that spent $560,000 on radio and television ads supporting Massie and attacking his opponents, Boondoggle County Judge-Executive Gary Moore and the Whistleblower’s own Trooper Babe, Alicia Webb-Edgington. Another super PAC, Americans for Growth, Opportunity and Prosperity, spent more than $80,000 on mailers supporting Massie.

But whether Super-PAC money made the difference can be debated forever.  Many NoKY establishment Republicans fear for their future due to this second Tea Party Tsunami.  Rand Paul’s stature was raised again Tuesday night. The short story of the night was that long ago, everybody except Gary Moore knew that Gary did not have a chance.

The real story is the 16-point case of “Whoop Ass’” that was opened up on Trooper Babe Alicia Webb Edgington.  This was the sad byproduct of Goof Doofus’ embarrassing, complete loss-of-power and stature. Tom Massie was very complimentary of Geoff Davis during his speech Tuesday night, but the troops on the ground knew the real deal.  The Goofster must’ve missed that class at West Point where he would’ve been taught not to surrender his reputation, especially over someone not 1/10 his stature. 

Let’s look at what Alicia had to start with:

• Hand-picked by Goof Doofus, Alicia was the Fourth District Republican Chairperson for nearly three years!  That gave her multiple face-to-face access (at every county Lincoln Day dinner) to each and every Republican elected official (including notes from the Goofster’s campaign about the real power brokers in each county) and each county Republican executive committee in Kentucky’s Fourth Congressional District.
• Early on, there was the unofficial “whispered” endorsement from the retiring Congressman. Rick VanMeter from Doofus’ staff became Alicia’s campaign manager. Alicia was introduced to  Washington, DC and local Kentucky PACs. Other powerful endorsements included the NRA, Associated Builders and Contractors, and Kentucky Firefighters. Alicia received all the data from Goof’s previous campaigns (including donor lists, private phone numbers of top contributors, voter lists, volunteer lists, etc.) She also had the endorsement of Kevin Sell (Goof Davis’s first pick to run), who is the current Republican Fourth District Chair. Former Senator “BeanBall Jim” Bunning endorsed Alicia, too. So how could those six guys even dare consider running against her?
• Even with her head start, she couldn’t raise enough money to be competitive. People wanted a change. Goof Doofus had lost the support of several key large contributors and Alecia never got them back. Gary Moore had the Judge Executive power/ threat to raise money. If you add the money reported from AmeriGOP (which was nearly 100% from local contributors ) to what Massie raised, Gary Moore and Tom Massie were nearly even.  It took the “official” endorsements of Goof Doofus and the Old BeanBaller (along with Fishwrap’s front page story, another round of personal calls to former Doofus donors and two fund-raising letters; one personal from Congressman Doofus) for Alicia to raise even a few dollars during the last month. Her campaign was a dismal failure.

• The sad thing is that Alicia’s staff and supporters actually thought they were going to win.  As the results came in, they were as surprised as the time Massie’s “Unendorsement” ad first ran during the UK championship game! Maybe her campaign should’ve run The Whistleblower’s “Legs” commercial on TV a few more times.  Her victory would’ve been by a landslide. [WATCH IT HERE]

  More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans

 Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our May fund-raising drive from Slinky Legs Stockings. You’ll never guess who their new Spokesmodel is. 

DIVIDED DEMOCRATS HOT LINE

e-mail your divisive documents today.

Some divisive items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally divisive subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.

Link of the Day

Crossroads GPS: “Basketball”

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

When In Doubt, Mention Osama!

• Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus it looks like another bad week for Obama. They’re even doing damage control on their damage control these days. 

But it’s not all bad news for Obama today. The Communist Party USA announced its support for his reelection bid. “It used to be that we had to run our own candidates for public office,” recounted Chairman Sam Webb. “In recent years, though, we’ve found a huge overlap with many of the candidates running on the DemocRAT ticket. Of these, President Obama is the best of the lot.”

• Noted Arkansas Political Reporter Razorback Tadwell says today there are only “166” more days until the Presidential Elections, but Disillusioned DemocRATS keep calling to find out how Obama did in Tuesday’s Primary Election. After all, only two weeks ago an imprisoned felon got 41% of the vote against Obama in the West Virginia Primary.

• Meanwhile, Romney’s Responders didn’t waste any time taking advantage of Newark Mayor Cory Booker’s criticism of the Obama campaign’s “nauseating” attack on Romney’s Bain Capital record. They call this video Obama’s “Big Bain Backfire.”
• And what happened to that black social studies teacher at North Rowan High School in North Carolina who told a white student he could be arrested for criticizing Obama? She was reportedly suspended with pay, of course. Maybe they’ll let her speak at the DemocRAT National Convention in Charlotte to take away attention from all those protesters we saw tearing up Chicago last weekend. The Blower wants to know who’s paying for those protests, anyway?
• Florida’s Secretary of State is set to announce 53,000 dead voters have been purged from the voter rolls in Florida. How many were purged in Hamilton County after Federal Judge Mr$. $tan Che$ley ordered the recount that gave the seat Judge John Williams won fair and square to Ditzy DemocRAT Traci Hunter?

• In Congress, GOP House Speaker John Boehner has not yet caved on increasing the National Debt, and in Kabul, Afghan president Hamid Karzai banned Republican Congressman Dana Rohrabacher from entering Afghanistan for “not showing enough respect,” but Junketing Jean” Schmidt will be permitted to return, as long as Old Wrinklepuss keeps her face covered with a burka. Meanwhile, “Brad of Iraq” plans to show off those gay-looking flowing white Arabian robes he used to wear on desert camel rides at that June 20 fund-raiser Alex T. is arranging for him at the home of Pat and Mary Jo Burke.  

Speaking of our Hamilton County RINO Party Boss, Alex T. will be opening the so-called “Romney Victory Center” at 646 Main Street in downtown Cincinnati Thursday at 4:30 P.M. Good luck finding a parking meter.

And speaking of other things that look really gay, Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say now that Obama has “devolved” to embrace same-sex marriage, the NAALCP says it’s OK too.  So what say you, SMLP Smithermouth? Our Alternate Life-style Columnists are also recommending everyone see “Love Knots” at the Cincinnati Fringe Festival. What could be more entertaining than gay and lesbian couples discussing artificial insemination over dinner? Meanwhile, Northern Kentucky Same Sex Fans say now that the Obama support for Gay Marriage flap has ended, Obama’s strategy should turn towards gaining votes in Appalachia with “Cousin Marriage.”

• Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose say first the Obama Campaign raffled off dinner with George Clooney. Now there’s a lottery for dinner with former Cincinnati Celebrity Sarah Jessica Parker. Soon they’ll be a chance to have dinner with our First Gay President and our First Black President. Rose wonders if she wins, does she have to wear her blue dress?
• With today’s Racial Healing Moment, Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says 40% now say Trayvon Martin was shot in self-defense, but only 24% say it was murder. The Blower says it sounds like there just might be some “reasonable doubt” in that case. 
• Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1934, law enforcement officials killed famous outlaws Bonnie and Clyde. And just think, if it happened today in Cincinnati, so-called Police Chief James Craig couldn’t have made the arrest because he still hasn’t taken that Police Chief 101 test.
• Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather says the most amazing feat pulled off at a Major League Baseball game Monday night wasn’t by a player, it was when 20-year-old Reds fan Caleb Lloyd caught two home run balls hit by two successive Reds batters in the fourth inning.  

Meanwhile, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sport Editor Andy Furball says when the Reds’ $30 million Cuban Closer Aroldis Chapman was arrested for speeding and driving with a suspended license early Monday going 93 mph in Grove City, did his translator really say, “What’s the big deal? He can throw a ball faster than that.”

• Finally at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he thought about Tuesday’s Bluegrass Congressional Primary Contest, to see if our Tea Party Patriots would humiliate the Republican Establishment one more time. Everybody was wondering how much The Blower’s Special Super PAC E-dition would affect the outcome, when we showed the “Legs” TV commercial Trooper Babe Alecia Webb-Edgington should’ve run.

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose this line from Steve “Wild and Crazy Guy” Martin (the comedian, not the judge):  “I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal…high enough so you can look up her dress.”

DEMOCRAT DAMAGE CONTROL HOT LINE

e-mail your public relations plan today. 

Some damaged items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally damaged subscribers.  

LINK OF THE DAY

“From ‘Hope’ to Hypocrisy Excuses, Excuses”

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

This is the ad Alecia should’ve run