Eldon Pudpuller was a very troubled 12-year-old lad who ran up a whopping $38,000 telephone bill last month making calls to 1-900 phone-sex lines, all because his hero, Disgraced Former Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien had been in court “getting off” on a technicality for trying to “get off” in front of a Wellborn woman and Eldon couldn’t combine “whacking off” with show-and-tell at his Forrest Gump School. The Forest Hills Urinal got hold of the story, and soon none of the Pudpullers could show their faces in public.
So the Seediest Kids of All sent over tapes of calls to the same phone-sex lines made by guys who’d worked their asses off on “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s campaign and hadn’t even been called back on interviews for jobs in Ohio’s new Second Congressional District Office in Anderson.
Now Eldon listens to grown-ups talking dirty any time he wants and it doesn’t cost his family a dime. He’s learning a lot about township government at the same time. He’s studying hard in school and when he grows up, he wants to be a public official too. Just like Disgraced Former Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin “Spanky” O’Brien, and then they could be called “Big Spanky” and “Little Spanky.”
The entire Pudpuller family is grateful to the Seediest Kids of All, but it’s you they really have to thank, because it’s your guilt throughout the year which makes it all possible.