Little Bobby Blevins and his family have been living in a van down by the river in Newtown after they ignored safety warnings and their Amazing Chabot Head decorated for the holidays caught fire, and incinerated their mobile home. Unfortunately, the voice mail message for the constituency services case worker in Ohio Second Congressional District “Bronze Star” Brad Wenstrup’s office informed the Blevins family that “The Podiatrist Congressman’s” office was closed for the holidays.
So the Seediest Kids of All (not associated with the Failed United Way) took little Bobby, his parents, and 11 brothers and sisters to Senator Rob “Fighting for Families” Portman’s house on Christmas Day just up the road in Terrace Park, because as The Robster’s holiday e-mail (paid for by the Portman for Senate Committee) said, “Although we face many challenges as a country, I believe the opportunities are even greater if we work together to seize them. Thank you for giving me the chance to serve.”
While the Blevins brood was visiting with Rob and Jane, they received a commemorative copper pot engraved with a picture of Rob hugging Mitt Romney after the First Presidential Debate in 2012 as a souvenir of their visit.
The Blevins family still lives in a rusted-out van with Romney bumper sticker down by the river, but at least they know if things ever really get bad, they still have a friend in the U.S. Senate. Plus, thanks to the generosity of the Portman for Senate Campaign, they now have a pot to piss in. The entire Blevins family is grateful to the Seediest Kids of All, but it’s really you they have to thank, because it’s your liberal guilt-giving throughout the year which makes it all possible.