SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 01, 2019
Trump’s 954th Day In Office
Pollution-Fest is Coming
If you’re running a small company and you’re even thinking about depositing a little waste into the Ohio River, the full force of the Federal Government will come down upon your miserable pollution-loving ass. You’ll be threatened, harassed, protested against, fined, and maybe even thrown in jail. After all, a recent analysis of the American Lung Association’s annual “State of the Air” Report indicates the Cincinnati metro area ranked tied for eighteenth in annual particle pollution out of 220 metropolitan areas in the United States.
Billions of dollars have been spent to clean up that river. The Metropolitan Sewer District is constantly raising your rates to purify the water before they’ll even put it back into the river. That’s why The Blower has been counting down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until it’s time for this year’s Western& Southern/WEBN Riverfest Fireworks.
But when it’s time for the Annual Labor Day Pollution-Fest this weekend, they’ll be dumping tons of crap into the river. And after weeks of non-stop media hype, this year they won’t be hiding all that pollution by not broadcasting Pollution Fest 2019 live TV for the whole Tri-state to see like they did two years ago, along with music especially prepared for the occasion. This year again, crowds of people who are too stupid to stay home and watch free fireworks on TV will be cheering wildly from both sides of the river as it happens.
The Blower has always called it just another diversion for all those Dumbed-Down, Totally-Trump-Deranged, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Crooked Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
But here’s one thing they didn’t do: They didn’t dare ask the EPA bureaucRATS, “Radical ANTIFA Terrorists,” the Sierra Club, the Audubon Society, Environmentalists Against Trump, Friends of the Catfish, Rivers Unlimited, Convicted Dingbat DemocRAT Ex-Judge Tracie “Crazy Eyes” Hunter’s Judicial Circus, #BlackLivesDon’tMeanCrap, or PETA nudists to protest this one.
There will be no smog alerts Sunday night when all that pyrotechnic pollution covers our beautiful river valley.
Not a tear will be shed for aquatic life when the entire residue is unceremoniously dumped into the river.
No one will complain about how much over-taxed payers’ money will be spent to clean up the tons of trash afterwards.
Did you ever wonder why the environmental whackos will take a night off as the environment-be-damned crowd takes over and blows off their silly fireworks to pollute the land, water, and air? That’s probably why our Quote for Today Committee chose Robert Orben’s: “There’s so much pollution in the air now that if it weren’t for our lungs there’d be no place to put it all.”
You can thank Cheap Channel Broadcasting. Those Greedy Weasels are pollution experts. They’ve been fouling the air waves for years. No wonder Toyota bailed out after the 2006 fireworks show.
“That’s right,” says Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo. “If Western & Southern/WEBN Fireworks at Riverfest is supposed to be such a BFD family event, why do WEBN’s family values announcers always encourage women of low moral character passing in boats to show them their big breasts?”
WEBN should announce they have a “SUPRISE LOCATION” for a new round of explosions at Pollution-fest. Maybe the tree frog people could blow up Avondale, Evanston, Mt. Washington, some parts of Norwood, Price Hill, Lower Clifton, and the Killing Fields of Over-the-Rhine. That would make for a great Labor Day week-end! None of those people work anyway. Think of it: if they blow-up the 25% of the City that doesn’t work, we could eliminate unemployment, social programs, food pantries, and the homeless. After all, the Liberal solution to the poverty rate in Cincinnati is to tax the people who work even more until they leave leave too— not to mention taxing suburbanites who work in the city without giving them a chance to vote on what they’re paying for.
Hurley the Historian says fireworks date back to 7th century China, where they were invented; Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says according to Jeff Foxworthy, you know you’re a redneck if your lifelong goal is to own a fireworks stand; and Three-Fingers Finnegan says, “Watch out for those cherry bombs.”
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
POLLUTION-FEST HOT LINE
e-mail your political pyrotechnics today.
Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers, like this tasteful photograph actually taken at a WEBN Radio audition.
Note: This is NOT just another one of Disgraced Ex-Attorney Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters’ clients who claims she’s not in it for the publicity.
— Tonight’s Lighter Side Of Pollution —
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
One of Our All-Time Favorite Fireworks Shows
(Sent in by the Rozzi Fireworks Team.)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.