MONDAY, APRIL 17, 2017
Listen My Children and You Shall Hear…
Hurley the Historian says maybe we ought to call today’s issue our Special U.S. Invasion E-dition, because on tomorrow’s date in 1775, Patriots Paul Revere and William Dawes set out on horseback from Boston, riding to every Middlesex, village, and farm to warn the countryside that the British were coming.
And this morning, our Quote for Today isn’t just bringing you one measly quote, they have the whole damn poem.
It’s too bad that Revere and Dawes weren’t riding around Boston in 2013. We could’ve used a little warning before that Terrorist Invasion of the Boston Marathon that Obama couldn’t call a “terrorist attack,” especially after the Obama administration declared Bush’s War on Terror to be over, continued to give over-taxed payers’ money to terrorist regimes, and slashed the Budget to prevent domestic terrorist bombing by 45%. Thankfully, the Boston Marathon Bombers weren’t peaceful, god-fearing White Americans.
Also Today, On The Third Monday in April, We Should All Be Celebrating Patriots’ Day…
…because a lot of blood has been shed around this time of year in American history. Besides 1775, when the shot heard ‘round the world officially began the American Revolution during the Battle at Lexington Green, in 1861, we had the first bloodshed during the Civil War. In 1993, Clinton’s Attorney General Janet Reno blew up David Koresh and his followers at the Branch Davidian compound in Waco; and in 1995, Homegrown Terrorist Timothy McVeigh blew up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Now which of these events do you think our Kneepad Liberals in the Press are most likely to mention?
And when Patriots Paul Revere and William Dawes set out on horseback from Boston, riding to every Middlesex, village, and farm to warn the countryside that the British were coming, wouldn’t you know, even way back when, the New York Times was already undermining America’s patriotism.
Some people confuse today’s “Patriots’ Day” celebration with George W. Bush’s “Patriot Day” commemoration on September 11. Even more people get the “Patriots’ Day” apostrophe in the wrong place, including all those local TEA Party Groups (except Andy, Sue-zilla, Judy, and Heidi at the recently capitalized Anderson Township TEA Party) that can’t remember to capitalize all three letters of the first name which stands for “Taxed Enough Already.”
And does anybody remember in 2013 when Obama stopped whining about gun control long enough to hop on Air Force One and fly to Boston for a post-atrocity campaign photo-op honoring the murdered and maimed victims at the Boston Marathon. We’re not sure if a fund-raiser was included during the trip. It certainly wasn’t the sort of uplifting experience that brought the entire nation together when George W. Bush showed up to throw out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium after 9-11. [THAT WAS REALLY PATRIOTIC]
At the same time, ScrappleFace reported the City of Boston had agreed to surrender to “al Qaeda, or whoever did this” just two days after two bombs exploded near the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing three and wounding 264. Meanwhile, in Pakistan, the Palestinian territory, and throughout the Muslim world, mobs of cheering people chanted, “Boston has fallen, Braintree is next.” (And you thought some of the stuff in The Blower was outrageous.)
More patriotic, to be sure, was when NFL prospect Brandon O’Brien re-enlisted in the Marines after watching the carnage after the Boston terror attacks. Oooh-Rah! You can’t get much more patriotic than that.
Maybe that’s why The Blower remembers Ronald Reagan’s “Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.”
AND FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were all asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the best way for ordinary Americans to show how much they love their country on Patriots’ Day. “If you mean all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19,” Kane explained, “those people are hopeless. But for the rest of us, perhaps people could try to learn how our government works, study the issues and the candidates, and for God’s sake, get off the damn couch on Election Day and go vote.”
And Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, WLW Hate Radio Trash-Talker Bill Cunningham. That shameless draft dodger wraps himself in the flag every chance he gets.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by another generous “in-kind” donation during our April fund-raising drive by Flag Wavers, offering merchandise to help you show your patriotism, with discounts for veterans and their families.
PATRIOTS’ DAY HOT LINE
e-mail your red-white-and blue comments today.
WHISTLEBLOWER PATRIOTIC VIDEOS OF THE DAY
PATRIOTS DAY Trailer (2017)
Patriots Day at John B. Hood Middle School
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Ohio State Rep-tile/Marine Corps Colonel Danny Bubp-kiss, who was once made famous when “Mean Jean” Schmidt embarrassed herself on the floor of Congress.)