WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 09, 2019
Trump’s 719th Day In Office
And The Decision Was Unanimous
There was an partisan political gathering deliberating this afternoon in the sauna at the Lyons YMCA, and the consensus was that all those horny old men were really, really glad they voted for Donald Trump, if only for his superb choice in Eastern European Women, like Melania, The Donald’s 48-year-old Slovenia-born Trophy wife.
“Over-Sextegenarian Gentlemen of the Jury, we rest our case,” said Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, who was arguing “pro se,” whatever the hell legal qualification that’s supposed to indicate.
That of course led to further deliberations about the various attributes of beautiful women from other countries, which The Blower now proudly presents herein:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but only when she wants to and only in the missionary position.
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you realize nothing is ever going to happen.
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She’s pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her sister’s boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
First Date: You spend all your money to impress her.
Second Date: You take a loan to keep the image.
Third Date: You’re broke, she finds someone wealthier.
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead in the street and your nuts are fed to the goats.
No third date!
The Blower’s Conclusion? DON’T YOU JUST LOVE THE IRISH?