MONDAY, JANUARY 8, 2018
Elvis Wonders If It’s Really Worth Coming Back From The Dead To Sing At Trump’s Inauguration!
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says today is Elvis’ Birthday, and some of the schools and government offices in Northern Kentucky might be closed. Pictured here is the winner of this year’s Whistleblower Elvis Look-a-like Contest.
OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE selected Elvis’ “I have no use for bodyguards, but I have very specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.”
CAR THEFT ALERT UPDATE: Saturday, in The Blower’s Car Theft Advisory from the Cincinnati Police Department, we forgot to mention how funny it would be for people whose cars were stolen while the owner was warming up his car with the keys in the ignition, to get a very expensive ticket for leaving his keys in the ignition and the car left unattended. How would that feel after having your car stolen?
HAMILTON COUNTY REAL ESTATE TAXES: Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering says “Your Jacked Up Tax Bill is in the mail and you have until midnight on January 31 to get the money in, or our Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor will publish your name in The Fishwrap, along with all those other deadbeats.” And if you think your property taxes are too high, don’t call his office—it’s the County Auditor who Jacked Up Your Taxes.
MASTURBATING MEMORIES: Our BFFs on Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Faux Facebook Page shared a memory from January 8, 2013, when The Blower published its Special “Kevin O’Brien Case” E-dition where “JayWalking Joe” Deters’ prosecutors were caught with their pants down, too!
You bet, Angry Andersonians were really outraged when our Disgraced Ex Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien got off on a technicality for trying to get off in front of a Wellborn woman. Judge Fanon Rucker, the same judge who gave O’Brien a pass on his bond amount when he was first elected, said the evidence didn’t stand up in court when “Jaywalking Joe’s” assistant prosecutors, who were also caught with their pants down, failed to make the charges stick. “The Mad Masturbator slipped right through our fingers this time,” the Jaywalker sadly admitted.
KEVIN O’BRIEN MASTURBATION HOT LINE
e-mail your helpful hints today.
Some masturbating elected official items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally masturbating elected official, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
REMEMBER: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes that are due on January 31. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows how.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Kevin O’Brien’s Part-Time Job (Nobody Ever Knew About)