SUNDAY, JANUARY 8, 2017
Elvis Wonders If It’s Really Worth Coming Back From The Dead To Sing At Trump’s Inauguration!
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says today is Elvis’ Birthday, and all the schools and government offices in Northern Kentucky are closed. Pictured here is the winner of this year’s Whistleblower Elvis Look-a-like Contest.
OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE selected Elvis’ “I have no use for bodyguards, but I have very specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.”
HAMILTON COUNTY REAL ESTATE TAXES: Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering says “Your Jacked Up Tax Bill is in the mail and you have until midnight on January 31 to get the money in, or our Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor will publish your name in The Fishwrap, along with all those other deadbeats.” And if you think your property taxes are too high, don’t call his office—it’s the County Auditor who Jacked Up Your Taxes.
MASTURBATING MEMORIES: Our BFFs on Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Faux Facebook Page shared a memory from January 8, 2013, when The Blower published its Special “Kevin O’Brien Case” E-dition where “JayWalking Joe” Deters’ prosecutors were caught with their pants down, too!
You bet, Angry Andersonians were really outraged when when our Disgraced Ex Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien got off on a technicality for trying to get off in front of a Wellborn woman. Judge Fanon Rucker, the same judge who gave O’Brien a pass on his bond amount when he was first elected, said the evidence didn’t stand up in court when “Jaywalking Joe’s” assistant prosecutors, who were also caught with their pants down, failed to make the charges stick. “The Mad Masturbator slipped right through our fingers this time,” the Jaywalker sadly admitted.
KEVIN O’BRIEN MASTURBATION HOT LINE
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Kevin O’Brien’s Part-Time Job (Nobody Ever Knew About)