SUNDAY, MARCH 25, 2018
THIS WEEKEND FROM FLORIDA, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken Camboo says he doesn’t have a whole lot to report, since all of his snitches have not yet returned from ogling young women during Spring Break.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on Tuesday’s date in 1998, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved use of the drug Viagra, an oral medication that treats impotence, and if all the boners created were laid end to end, that boner would reach to Uranus.
OUR GOOD FRIEND BOBBY LEACH says “Next to BB&BJ Day, all my old friends and I say Viagra Day at Morehead is our favorite holiday of the entire year.”
OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Rodney Dangerfield’s: “I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice so I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Voters don’t have much faith when it comes to political campaign promises, but a sizable number think President Trump is more likely to deliver than most.
THURSDAY, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS WERE STILL TAKING CHEAP SHOTS AT TRUMP, LIKE CONAN O’BRIEN’S: President Trump is now being sued by a porn star, a reality star, and a Playboy model – or as Trump’s evangelical supporters call that, “the holy trinity.”
JIMMY FALLON’S: The news about Trump is really getting juicy. Now multiple porn stars are saying they had affairs with him. It’s tough for Trump, because he doesn’t know whether to deny it or brag about it.
JAMES CORDEN: You’ve got to hand it to Trump. Between Playboy models, porn stars, and having his own helicopter, he’s living out every 14-year-old boy’s fantasy every day.
SETH MEYERS: A new trend has emerged where women are having diamonds pierced into their finger instead of wearing engagement rings. “The pain reminds me I’m alive,” [photo of Melania] said one woman.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (THE ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN). Just in time to enjoy the warmer Spring weather, we found this in his “Turning the Other Cheek,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ready for Spring
Spring is finally here
Say goodbye to the snow.
So let’s break out the old Johnson
And let’s get on with the show.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER is wondering if Cincinnati City Clown-cil still plans to hire an independent investigator to dig up dirt in the John Cranley vs. Harry Black feud and try to figure out where Chief Elliot Isaac has been during the midst of another shit storm the Cincinnati Police Department started on his watch. We’ll bet/guarantee you a white chief couldn’t stick his head in the sand and hide from the clusterfuck he started. We’ll also bet/guarantee our local news media is working on that story – NOT!!!
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week’s Seediest Kid of All was “Little Greggie” Delev. (See the whole story HERE)
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “OPENING DAY JITTERS,” Commissioner Swindle couldn’t quite talk the Cincinnati Reds into letting him throw out the first pitch on Opening Day. This op-ed column first appeared in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols on April 8, 1981, and has been updated with current references to fit the situation today.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #91 says you should turn up at your local Muslim outreach program by wearing an “I’d rather be Waterboarding” t-shirt.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says this says this week: Both the House and Senate passed legislation extending government funding beyond today, when funding was due to expire (see below). The Senate also passed a House-passed bill to make it a federal crime to engage on a website that promotes prostitution, clearing the way for President Trump to sign the measure into law.
NEXT WEEK: Both the House and Senate will be out of session until April 9.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and how surprising was it that Members of Congress voted themselves another pay raise, buried in that $1.3 Trillion Omnibus Borrowing Bill President Trump just signed.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if it was hard to believe that Women’s History Month was almost over, since so far The Whistleblower has only been able to mention a smidgen of the worthy women we had wished to honor, including all those floozies Jerry Springer would still like to boink, Left-handed Lithuanian Lesbians, and young girls with Major Yabbos on Florida beaches during Spring Break. “We’ve always treated women fairly in The Blower,” Kane explained “Some of our best Snitches are Bitches.”
SPEAKING OF SLUTS, Horny in Hebron says after watching that vile-and-disgusting CBS “60 Minutes Stormy Daniels Interview tonight, we’ll all find out what Trump probably already knew: She’s a real blow hard, ready to spit it all out, but even she would have to admit it was hard to swallow. Google “Stormy Daniels Blow Jobs” and click on “images” to see what we mean. Or watch some of Stormy’s BJ Videos Google seems all too happy to provide.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us how that might have happened.
AND COMING UP DURING THE REMAINDER OF “WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH”
MONDAY (MARCH 26) we’ll be returning from Spring Break, waiting to see if our Mendacious Media is still promoting that Phony-Baloney Gun-Control Hype when all those teenagers were being bused in for Saturday’s Mindless March For Our Lives Rallies across the country and in Washington D.C.
TUESDAY (MARCH 27) we’ll be checking to see how many of those Corrupt Clinton Cronies in Washington have been indicted, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers will tell us what they think of all that.
WEDNESDAY (MARCH 28), we’ll be telling you which local publication is NOT on The Blower’s Official FAKE NEWS List.
THURSDAY (MARCH 29) we’ll we almost ready to say good-bye to Women’s History Month.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (MARCH 30) LIMERICK IS “This month don’t forget Women’s History.”
AND SATURDAY (MARCH 31) we’ll be sure to mail our complaint to the Hamilton County Board of Tax Revision asking for an honest explanation of exactly how Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Auditor came up with its so-called Fair Property Values for our Jacked-Up Property Taxes.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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