SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2018
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says
on tomorrow’s date in 1929, President Coolidge established Grand Teton National Park. Bobby Leach says it’s always been his favorite National Park because “Grand Teton” means “really big tetons” in French.
THAT’S WHY YOUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Dave Barry’s “Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says President Trump closed the week with his highest favorability rating since mid-June of last year while the finger-pointing continues over the latest school massacre. 50% of Likely U.S. Voters approve of Trump’s job performance. Obama earned 45% approval on this date in the second year of his presidency.
2018 WINTER OLYMPICS: NBC earned their worst audience ratings ever. Promoting Social Justice just isn’t working out.
NRA BOYCOTT IN FLORIDA: Hundreds lined up for the Gun Show in Tampa today. Half a dozen protesters also made an appearance.
DELUSIONAL OHIO REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR JOHN KASICH: Two Sundays ago, Delusional embarrassed all of us talking about “common sense gun grabs” on VERY FAKE NEWS CNN’s “State of the Union.” This morning he was on ABC’s “This Week.”
THURSDAY, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID MOST OF THE LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS MUST HAVE BEEN AWOL THIS WEEK AND THE ONLY GUY TAKING CHEAP SHOTS AT TRUMP WAS JAMES CORDEN: This morning, Donald Trump went on Twitter to call out his own attorney general Jeff Sessions tweeting. “Question: If all the Russian meddling took place during the Obama administration, why didn’t Obama do something about the meddling? Why aren’t DEM crimes under investigation? Ask Jeff session!” There’s a few things wrong with this tweet. For starters, why is Trump telling us to ask Jeff Sessions all of these questions? Trump is his boss!
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, This poem is not in time for Mardi Gras, because we just came across his “Lust in My Heart,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Want Some Candy, Little Girl?
Fashion says it’s OK
To put young girls’ charms on display
But if you should just touch
I’ll tell you this much
The cops will put you away.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says says he’s still trying to find out if either of our two shady ladies have glommed to anything with any of the statewide Republican campaigns.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week’s Seediest Kid of All was Young Buckwheat Blackwell, who learned about politics at an early age. [READ MORE HERE]
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “GRIPE,” We learned that griping is a fundamental freedom guaranteed in the Bill of Rights. Throughout our nation’s history, griping has been as fundamental as baseball, apple pie, hot dogs, and Toyotas. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on February 25, 1981.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #258 says “Tell a Joke”: What’s the difference between ObamaCare and a car battery? A. The car battery has a positive side.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says February has been a good month for stocks since the bull market started in March 2009, as stocks only closed a bit lower in 2016, when the S&P 500 lost 0.24%. The worst February in over 37 years occurred in February 2009, just before the bull market began, as it was down 10.69% from the January 2009 close.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and Conservatives are amazed at the number of dumbed-down shoppers who show up at soon-to-be-closed Toys R Us stores to learn that “Marked Down” merchandise may not be TOTALLY FREE.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from News Liars at The Destroy Trump Media, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
Racial Healing Update
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane says he’s really proud he was that he and his brother from a different mother Buckwheat Blackwell are again finalists for this year’s Ebony and Ivory Racial Healing Awards during Black History Month (sometimes called Half-Black History Month in honor Obama and other times called #If Black Lives Really Mattered History Month in honor of Obama’s Protesters), and Award-winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception thinks those guys have a pretty good chance.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us how that might have happened.
AND COMING UP DURING THE REMAINDER OF “BLACK LIVES REALLY, REALLY MATTER HISTORY MONTH”:
MONDAY (FEBRUARY 26) we’ll be watching the media hound Florida massacre survivors making an emotional return to high school, questioning when they’ll feel safe again.
TUESDAY (FEBRUARY 27) we’ll checking to see if the Ohio River has finally crested and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” in Clermont County will be telling us how long it’s taking the Cronies to drive to work.
WEDNESDAY (FEBRUARY 28), we’ll be checking to see if the four Cowards From Broward are facing charges after their performance at Parkland Massacre.
THURSDAY (MARCH 1) we’ll be checking to see if anybody’s dumb enough to believe any of the lies in the Disingenuous DemocRATS’ Dishonest Dossier Report.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (MARCH 2) LIMERICK IS “This Month We Study Black History”
AND SATURDAY (MARCH 3) we’ll getting ready for all of those Trump-Bashing Speeches at Sunday Night’s Affirmative Action Academy Awards.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. TONIGHT’S BREAKING TRUMP REAL NEWS ALERT MARK DICE: Case Closed!
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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