Special “Springtime For Sluts” E-dition

TODAY IS
MONDAY, MARCH 22, 2021
TRUMP’S SIXTY-FIRST DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND THE BLOWER IS WORRIED ABOUT THE MASK SHORTAGE
Making Slut-Watching Great Again 

This morning at our Virtual Conservative Agenda Meeting, Ollie Ogler was asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane whatever happened to those “Sluts in The Suburbs” The Blower had written about a couple of Swinging Springtimes ago when Suburban Sexploits was the Top Item On The Conservative Agenda. 

Kane recalled that time in 2015 when The Morning Fishwrap couldn’t find something else vile-and-disgusting on the Liberal Agenda to promote, and Feckless Fishwrapper Rachel Richardson had written a really big story promoting A&E’s “Neighbors with Benefits” reality TV show that was scheduled to premiere on March 22 starring Suburban Sluts in Warren County’s Hamilton Township who “swap partners and engage in extramarital relationships as they go about their regular lives as parents, professionals, soccer moms and little league coaches.” Rachel also said the show gave new meaning to the phrase “bedroom community.”

A&E said “Neighbors with Benefits” would be a wholesome family program about neighbors and friends who attended parties as married couples for the purpose of switching spouses and having sex.

Obviously, Our Feckless Fishwrappers Must’ve Agreed.

Let’s See What You Might Have Missed