SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2019
Trump’s 1339th Day In Office
Today’s “Septemberfest” E-dition Has Been Pronounced Officially Dead Because Of The Same Deadly Chinese Kung Flu Virus That Leftists In The Press Are Still Blaming Trump About.
Now We’ll Show You Last Year’s “Septemberfest” To See What This Year’s Would’ve Looked Like.
Maybe We Should Just Call it Beerfest
Last Week at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if The Blower would be refraining from using the word “Oktoberfest” again this year.
“Of course we will, but I’m not sure it will do a lot of good,” Kane explained. “You saw how hard we try to convince people Hillary’s campaign had written her Hillary’s doctor’s phony pneumonia report, and not a single other media outlet in the universe figured how we were right, there’s not much use trying educate anybody in our Dumbed-Down Obamaland that it’s not already Oktober even if the date on their free cell phones says “September.”
This year, as an extra added attraction, you can even park your car at Findlay Market and pay to ride the $143 million Trolley Folly down to the Banks for Septemberfest. We hope you don’t get mugged. You see such lovely people riding the Stupid Streetcar, like this old Price Hill girl making visitors feel really welcome.
What kind of so-called Family-Oriented Event needs 108 different kinds of beer? Over-eating Organizers say this weekend fat-ass people who claim to be of German heritage will be consuming 23,000 soft pretzels, more than 80,000 brats, more than 80,000 metts, 20,000 cream puffs, 6,000 pickles, and 700 pounds of Limburger cheese. Can’t you just feel your arteries hardening?
Friday there were 1,000 dachshunds racing to be crowned the winning wiener at the Running of the Wieners on Race Street between Second Street and Freedom Way instead of on Fountain Square, where they used to be.
The Blower remembers when Organizers couldn’t get Donald Trump to be the Grand Marshal, so somebody came up with the idea of letting 0-2 Cincinnati Bungals Andy Dalton and A.J. Green get booed doing the Chicken Dance. Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says we seen enough of them already. Whistleblower Alternate Life-Style Editors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis were still hoping Cincinnati Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback will be on hand to lead the “Gay Chicken” Dance, especially after Obama White House’s Ambassador of Gayness From Outer Space— Star Trek’s George Takei was here in 2013.
Meanwhile, many guys hope the women they might meet downtown at Cincinnati’s Septemberfest Celebration will look something like this.
But in case they turn out to be the kind of Skanks who usually show up downtown, we have Sleazy Springer’s Septemberfest Top Ten List:
Today it’s Ohio DemocRAT Joke Governor Candidate, sleazy Jerry Springer’s top ten sure-fire Septemberfest pickup lines:
10. So what grade are you in, Honey?
9. Has anybody ever told you that you look like Della Sutorious?
8. Did you vote for me on “Dancing with the Stars?”
7. Mind if I share your Port-o-let?
6. Care for a bite of my bratwurst?
5. Hey, Fraulein, nice kraut!
4. I’m not wearing anything under my lederhosen.
3. My overnight ratings are terrific.
2. If you think my nose is big…
…And Ohio DemocRAT Joke Governor Candidate, sleazy Jerry Springer’s number one Septemberfest pickup line is… Are you really sure you won’t take a check?
The Blower can hardly wait. We still have this Campaign Ad from the last time our Ohio D-RAT Joke Governor Candidate Sleazy Jerry Springer ran for Governor in 1982.
That’s a German Toast to indicate you’re drinking to someone’s, or to each other’s, health.