Official “Drinking The Mask-er Aid” E-dition

Trump’s 1319th Day In Office

Dear Friends and Benefactors: August 31, 2020        Vol. III

While I am generally pleased with our growth – as you can see we have a new degree – and the selfless generosity and dedication of so many of our members, I must address a gravely serious issue which has come to my attention.

It seems that there is an increasingly large number of our followers who are agitating against the wearing of masks. According to the information which has reached my ears, these rebels base their position on the following alleged facts:

  • There is only indirect evidence (i.e. speculation in the form of observational studies) to support the argument for the public wearing masks in the Covid-19 pandemic;
  • The Surgeon General, in a famous February 29th Tweet, said “Seriously people – STOP BUYING MASKS! They are NOT effective in preventing general public from catching Coronavirus…”;
  • The CDC and the WHO were confirming the Surgeon General’s advice in March, but reversed themselves in April;
  • The CDC, on May 20, reviewed 10 randomized controlled studies showing “no significant effect of face masks on transmission of laboratory-confirmed influenza”;
  • In the same review, the CDC warned that “[p]roper use of face masks is essential because improper use might increase the risk for transmission,” and that improper use included failure to perform extensive sanitation measures on the masks themselves;
  • Numerous doctors have warned against prolonged mask-wearing because of the danger of hypoxia (oxygen deprivation);
  • Many doctors and nurses have also warned that prolonged mask-wearing weakens our immune system.

These rebels also repeat the outrageous claim that mask-wearing mandates do nothing but promote a state of perpetual fear and germophobia, not to mention servile submission to the Marxist Revolution now underway, courtesy of George Soros. Poppycock! Worse yet, my bodyguards have confiscated several copies of a book by a Dr. Judy Mikovits called A Pandemic of Corruption, which alleges certain long-term dishonest practices by her former colleague Dr. Anthony Fauci. Why would anyone want to pay the slightest attention to this embittered old woman?

My friends – and I include our rebels as friends, for now – you seem to have forgotten the role of authority in an orderly organization. What would have been the fate of our People’s Temple in Guyana without the wise exercise of my authority? We would have been gunned down by US troops, eager to avenge the death of the traitor Congressman, Leo Ryan. I am exercising my authority in this matter for your own good.

Then there is the role of social responsibility. Do you really want to become a Typhoid Mary, responsible for the deaths of others, especially the elderly and the infirm?

And finally, I remind you of the role of science. The WHO and the CDC are pre-eminent bastions of incorruptible medical science, constantly adapting their advice to rapidly changing conditions of disease symptoms and spread, as reported to them by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Your health and well-being, supported and maintained through regular vaccination, abortion, contraception, and prophylactic measures such as mask-wearing and social distancing, is the only reason for their existence.

In conclusion, my loyal followers, you have my authority as Supreme Pastor, the authority of science from the WHO, the CDC, and Bill Gates, and the proper exercise of your social conscience. What more could you ask for?

For my part, I ask for your unconditional cooperation with mask-wearing mandates. If any further disobedience surfaces, I may have to take extreme measures, such as quarantining the rebels in their own compound on this Island, for the safety and survival of everyone else.

As a contingency resource plan, I must also ask our Benefactors to upgrade their financial commitment to our cause, in case I should be forced to establish such a rebel compound. That compound would be quite costly, having to be stocked with hand sanitizer, masks, disinfectants, and specialized dietary measures – not to mention installation of a hotline to report mask rejection and other violations, and drones to immediately spot mask-less rebels. Supplies such as these were not included in the inventory when we took over this Island, though there were quite a few other interesting items whose functions are currently subject to my thorough personal investigation…

Yours for a healthier America,

(Rev.) Jim Jones

Supreme Pastor and CEO, Healthier Lives Matter

Little St. James Island