SATURDAY, JULY 18, 2020
TRUMP’S 1275th DAY IN OFFICE
AND JUDGE HEEKIN SAYS PERFORMANCE CONSTRUCTION CAN SUE FOREST HILLS SCHOOKL DISTRICT FOR VIOLATIONS OF THE OPEN MEETINGS ACT This Just In From Our Anonymous Andersonian
Today we have the Top Ten Anderson Mascot Candidates after 4/5 of the Forest Hills Woke School Board enthusiastically voted to murder our Beloved Anderson Redskin Mascot.
10. Team name: The FrooSmiths. Team mascot: Lippie, a pig constantly applying lipstick to itself.
9. Team name: The Peacocks. Team mascot: Pat, a rainbow-colored chicken of uncertain sex
8. Team name: The Turkeys. Team mascot: Joe-Jo, a turkey with a maniacal gobble doing the tomahawk chop gesture to its own neck
7. Team name: The Blob. Team mascot: SciFi, a slimy, indeterminate creature that only graduates from the 1950’s will recognize.
6. Team name: The Flush. Team mascot: Plunkie, a loveable brown turd-creature.
5. Team name: The Bottomless Pits. Team mascot: Tax Man, a large dollar sign with a huge mouth and a dropped flap on the buttocks.
4. Team name: The Scholars. Team mascot: IQ, a student with propeller beanie and an iPad
3. Team name: The Anals. Team mascot: Cleanie, a Purex bottle with white gloves and boots throwing antiseptic wipes to the crowd before, during, and after events.
2. Team name: The Coywolves. Team mascot: Doggie (a real coyote-wolf) entertaining crowds at half-time chasing down live rabbits instead of Frisbies while educating students about life with Mother Nature.
…And The Number One Anderson Mascot Candidate after 4/5 of the Forest Hills Woke School Board enthusiastically voted to murder our Beloved Anderson Redskin Mascot, is… Team name: The Covids. Team mascot: Viddie, with head, body, and limbs composed of mock coronaviruses and wearing a mask. Social distancing, of course.
REMEMBERING OUR REDSKIN