MONDAY, JULY 13, 2020
TRUMP’S 1270th DAY IN OFFICE
AND NUDISTS ARE STILL ADAPTING TO COVID 19
Today’s “Naked In Newport” E-dition Has Been Pronounced Officially Dead Because Of The Same Deadly Chinese Kung Flu Virus That Leftists In The Press Are Still Whining About.
Now We’ll Show You Last Year’s “Naked In Newport” To See What This Year’s Would’ve Looked Like.
Just What You’ll Say To a Naked Lady?
Today was a really busy day at the Whistleblower Newswire, where everybody was crowding around the News Assignment Desk, because of all the stories we need to cover this week. Assignments for all those July 14 Bastille Day events were pretty well under control. Mayor Cranley doesn’t have any Lesbian Weddings to officiate today, there was no “Black Lies Really, Really Matter” Riot scheduled on Fountain Square, and yesterday we had already reminisced about today’s twelve-year anniversary for our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher’s long-awaited landmark hearing at the Hamilton County Board of Revulsion, after the Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor’s “certifiable” appraiser got caught trying to justify the Auditor’s bogus 41% computer-generated increased appraisal. It was our Disingenuous DemocRAT’s Disastrous Debacle, but our local Kneepad Liberals in the Press still don’t give a big rat’s ass about victims of drive-by reappraisals, or victims of drive-by shootings for that matter.
“But you forgot the most important event of all on Sunday,” Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo interrupted. “July 14 is National Nude Day, it’s a great way to keep cool during the hot, sticky summer, when a sizable number of nudist groups around Greater Cincinnati let you take it off, take it all off.”
“National Nude Day is a serious event,” says our Nudist Spokesman Ollie Ogler. “They are not really perverts. Snicker if you will, but Nudists believe that the body is a beautiful thing, and meant to be displayed. Nudist colonies, nude beaches, and other venues exist to cater to the preferences of individuals who seek to walk around ‘au natural,’ baring it all might be offensive to the conservative population! Nudists are individuals who believe the human body is most beautiful in its natural state. Whether or not you agree with them, nudists encourage people to strut their stuff.”
All that interrupting really paid off, because the CamBoozler will be accompanying Ollie Ogler to uncover the National Nude Day Photo Contest at the Northern Kentucky Nudist Camp in Florence. We can’t wait to see the pictures.
July 14 is National Nude Day. Lovely Ladies, Send Us Your Selfies.