BEFORE WE BEGIN
SOME PERSONS OF CONSEQUENCE DIDN’T RECEIVE THE BLOWER’S MAIL ADVISORIES FOR THE PAST THREE NIGHTS BECAUSE SPECTRUM’S USUALLY UNRELIABLE E-MAIL SERVER WAS AS USUAL, UNRELAIABLE.
FRIDAY, JUNE 26, 2020
Trump’s 1253rd Day In Office
Taxed to the Max
This week, everybody who can’t understand why his property taxes are still so high during the 2020 Election Year Kung Flu Pandemic when schools have been shut down, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted anti-taxer Norquist Tadwell, who says, “I wouldn’t mind paying these jacked-up taxes, if only they were educating the kids with the money, instead of wasting all that cash to divert attention from serious problems on meaningless Political Correctness meetings about changing the name of Our BELOVED REDSKINS MASCOT.”
Norquist wins an autographed photo of the County Auditor with Egg All Over His Face, an Official Whistleblower Jacked-up Property Values Complaint Form, free tickets to a seminar to learn how to be successful challenging the Auditor’s phony baloney value for his property, a “No More Drive-By Appraisals” sign for his yard, and tips from Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz on how he got his old pal the Disingenuous D-RAT Hamilton County Auditor (who was permitted to run unopposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street for the past 30 year ) to give him an historic tax reduction. His winning entry is:
When you pay your real estate taxes,
Don’t ask where your money goes if you want factses,
Just watch for Castellini and Mike Brown,
First in line at the Courthouse downtown
Making huge profits off of our backses.
And from the Anderson Laureate (who says, “I hope I get a decent present this year, or at least have my poetic license reinstated.”)
When you pay your real estate taxes
Can you see how the auditor relaxes?
He don’t have to work,
The greedy old jerk,
He just robs us, and them’s what the facts is.
And if he feels like hiking them higher
You might start looking for a home buyer
You can beg him for cuts
But he’s got you by the nuts
And your situation is nothing but dire.
If your taxes go up more and more
Eventually you’re gonna end up poor
If you have no more money
It really won’t be funny
When you get a foreclosure notice on your door.
But that won’t bother ol’ Dusty a bit
If you’re broke, he won’t give a shit.
He’ll just sit back and grin
And raise taxes again
And I don’t think that he’ll ever quit.
So maybe the answer is to rent
And let your landlord lament
You won’t own a house
And you’ll be poor as a church mouse
You might end up under a bridge in a tent.
Tomas de Torquemada says
To honor your dad on this Father’s Day,
Forget the tie and the hankie, OK?
Did he serve his country in time of war?
Did he give you a home that was top drawer?
Did he work the late shift so you could eat?
All his sacrifices were no mean feat.
If your dad is still among the living,
Give him the gift that just keeps on giving:
Your deep gratitude and humility;
Your care in his golden senility.
If your dad has left this vale of tears,
Pray that he still lives among his peers.
Father and son: a link never broken.
Make sure it doesn’t remain unspoken.
Finally Here’s Perturbed in Park Hill’s Over-stuffed Sonnet
When you pay your real estate taxes
Try to avoid eating Ex-Laxes.
Your bowels will be in an uproar
As the size of your bill you deplore.
You’ll feel just like Ben Dover and Phil
While you swallow that bitter tax pill.
But if you want to pay in person
And don’t want the rip-off to worsen,
Don’t forget social distance and mask
So the Sheriff won’t take you to task.
Will the Auditor’s egg on his face
Allow his face mask to stay in place?
Or will that sunny-side-up yellow
Create major PPE Jell-O?
Naught is surer than taxes and death:
(The bureaucrats’ fav’rite shibboleth),
If this is “guv’ment by the people,”
Then we must be a bunch of sheeple.
The first line of next Friday’s limerick is:
“When we celebrate the Fourth of July”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering, who says failure to receive a tax bill will not avoid such penalty and/or interest if you’re late mailing your Real Estate Taxes.