Daily Archives: June 4, 2020

Special “Making Looting Great Again” E-dition


At This Morning’s Meeting Of The Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders Were Asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Whatever Happened To President Trump’s Threat To Do Away With Looting Because Of How Well Organized Looting Has Become.

“Actually, as any graduate of the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools can tell you, “White House Daily Press Briefings” are right there in the Declaration of Independence,” Kane added, because Thomas Jefferson wrote, “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of “Looting.”

And even the Pledge of Allegiance says, “One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and Looting for all.”

Do you remember when Patrick Henry said, “Give me Liberty or give me Looting?”

Nathan Hale said, “I regret that I have but one Life to give for Lootings.”

John Paul Jones said, “I have not yet begun to Loot.”

George Washington said, “I cannot tell a lie. It was only Looting that made me cut down the cherry tree.”

Samuel Adams said, “Someday they’ll name a beer after me, and when they do, they’ll be Looting It.”

Daniel Webster said, “One country, one constitution, one destiny, and hours of Looting.”

At Gettysburg, Abraham Lincoln said, “The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget our Looting.”

William Tecumseh Sherman said, “War is hell– without Looting.”

George Armstrong Custer said, “Where in the hell did all those Looters come from?”

Woodrow Wilson said, “The world must be made safe for White Looting.”

Will Rogers said, “I never met a Looter I didn’t like.”

General George S. Patton said, “No bastard ever won a war dying for his Looting. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for his Looting.”

FDR said, “We have nothing to fear but Looting itself.”

Douglas McArthur said, “I shall return– for Looting.”

Harry Truman said, “The Looting stops here.”

Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “I think that people want White Looting so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them Loot.”

Albert Einstein said, “”The hardest thing in the world to understand is Looting.”

Sigmund Freud said, “Most of men’s problems can be traced to their subconscious feelings about Looting.”

John Kennedy said, “Ask not what you can do for your Looting.”

Neil Armstrong said, “A small step for man, one giant step for Looting.

Barry Goldwater said, “Extremism in the defense of Looting is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of Looting is no virtue.”

Vince Lombardi said, “Looting isn’t everything.”

Ronald Reagan said, “My fellow Americans. I’m pleased to announce that I’ve signed legislation outlawing Looting. The bombing starts in five minutes.”

John Wayne said, “A man’s got to Loot what a man’s got to Loot”

Rev. Martin Luther King said, “I had a dream about White Looting.”

Bill Clinton lied when he said “I did not have Looting with that woman, Ms Lewinsky.”

Charlton Heston said, “Let my People Loot.”

At every patriotic rally, Lee Greenwood always sings, “God Bless Looting.”

George W. Bush said, “White Looting Accomplished.”

Not to be outdone, Obama now still insists that only Mean-Spirited Republicans would ever cancel Looting.

And Donald Trump boasts, We’re Making Looting Great Again.”