WHISTLEGRAM: CHAOS IN CLERMONT COUNTY

TODAY IS
THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 2020
TRUMP’S 1196th DAY IN OFFICE
WITH STILL NONE OF OBAMA AND HIS POLITICAL PERPS IN THE SLAMMER

Once again the Cronies in Clermont were busy at work behind the scenes as “Mean Jean” dispatched her flying monkeys to Batavia to oversee election results. It is no coincidence that Clermont County was once again one of the last counties in the whole state to report election results. As we always say, they had to keep counting until they found enough votes for Mean Jean Schmidt to win her race. When it was all over, Mean Jean just barely edged out Joe Dills who will forever be known as the most recent opponent she hit with a wrecking ball by exposing to the world he had an Ashley Madison account then acting surprised when people confronted her with the news. We have no doubt her friends in the Turkish embassy will be celebrating her latest near miss victory.

In the Clermont County Commissioner’s race some old woman nobody has heard of beat State Representative John Becker. Many are asking how that happened. Becker himself was probably most surprised as he will now have to get a real job after being on the government payroll for so long. Perhaps he’s wishing he hadn’t donated all of his recent state paychecks to various local charities.

In the State Senate Race the Clermont Cronies endorsed Dave “Buffalo Ranch” Uible who made them proud by proving he could pick up not one – but two separate criminal charges during a single campaign! Buffalo Dave lost to Terry Johnson who only had to spend $1 million dollars to beat him. Clermont never fails to deliver a carnival sideshow when it comes to picking candidates.

Clermont trouble maker Chris Hicks lost his bid to unseat incumbent Commissioner David Painter. Undeterred by his loss, Hicks said he will soon let everyone know the next office he plans to run for and lose.