THURSDAY, JANUARY 23, 2020
BEST FAKE NEWS IMPEACHMENT EVER
Trump’s 1,098th Day In Office
This afternoon at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster why he still hadn’t put away our Countdown Calendar showing the number of days until Donald Trump would be sworn in as President.
“Actually, we started using that particular Countdown Calendar on February 26, 2016,” Kane added, “but we had predicted the Trumpster would be signing executive orders in the White House today a long time before that.”
Coincidentally, our 2019 Whistleblower’s Annual Countdown Day Celebration began this afternoon at 3:23 PM. “Because that was the first time I began counting something down,” our Beloved Publisher reminisced.
“There I was in Fort Thomas, Kentucky,” Kane continued to recount. “It was precisely 3:23 PM on the afternoon of January 23, 1961. I was standing with my right hand raised, along with a bunch of other really stupid guys, being sworn in as a lowly enlisted man in the U.S Army.
“Good DemocRAT John F. Kennedy had just been sworn in three days early after stealing the 1960 Election from Nixon, and while I was taking the oath to obey the orders of some other totally incompetent idiots during the next three years of my life, I suddenly understood how stupid I had been to enlist for three years, instead of serving for two years under the draft. That Patriotic Countdown began at 1,065 days. But that wasn’t nearly as long the 1,461 days President Trump would have to Make America Great during his first term. Right now there are only 284 days until The Trumpster’s re-elected in 2020.
“How’s that for a freaking coincidence?”