WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 22, 2020
AND WE’RE TOTALLY IGNORING THE DISHONEST D-RATS’ IDIOTIC IMPEACHMENT TRIAL
On Trump’s 1,097th Day In Office
Instead, We’re Reviewing The Blower’s Award-Winning Coverage Of Trump’s Inauguration
SUNDAY, JANUARY 22, 2017
TONIGHT’S REALLY BIG STORY: The Liberal Media Conspiracy can’t stop hyping that Women’s Pussy Hat March in DC.
And Nasty Women couldn’t stop trashing cities across the country.
Trump’s Twitter nailed it.
And So Did Hillary.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1973 the Supreme Court decided baby-killing was Constitutional when they legalized abortion. That was nearly 60 million “legal abortions” ago. [KEEP COUNT ON OUR DEAD BABY COUNTER HERE]
OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Ronald Reagan’s “I’ve noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born.”
Also on this week in 1981, Iran released 52 Americans it had held hostage for 444 days, bare minutes after the presidency had passed from Jimmy Carter to Ronald Reagan. Back then, things were sure different than they are these days.
COUNTDOWN TO PROPERTY TAX DAY: Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering says you’ve been ignoring your “Jacked Up Tax Bill” for more than two weeks, but you still have until midnight on January 31 to get the money in, or our Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor will publish your name in The Fishwrap, along with all those other deadbeats.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Even as the media lavishes praise on President Obama’s legacy, voters strongly believe his successor will wipe out most of the changes made during the Obama years. Maybe that explains his expression on the way to the golf course yesterday.
THURSDAY, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS COULD WAIT TO TAKE CHEAP SHOTS AT TRUMP, LIKE JIMMY FALLON’S: Tomorrow is the presidential inauguration. People from all across country will be there. But don’t worry if you can’t make it, because the president will be live tweeting the whole thing.
CONAN O’BRIEN: Donald Trump’s press secretary claims that Trump’s cabinet will be one of the most diverse in history. Of course he didn’t mean American history, he meant Confederate history.
SETH MEYERS: Donald Trump will be sworn in as president of the United States tomorrow. That’s right. Basically, we as a nation are going from the first season of “Lost” to the last season. As it turns out, we’re all in purgatory. That’s the best-case scenario.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL: Remember a couple of weeks ago when Bunky Tadwell sent us a copy of his poem entitled “Winter” that simply said, “Jesus H. Christ, it’s cold out there! (The end)?” Well today, the Bard of Cleves has another fast four-liner about our climate:
They say there is Global Warming,
But if I may be so crass;
This friggin’ Global Warming,
Is really freezing my ass!
Unfortunately, Bunky…it’s unseasonably warm this afternoon, so your timing is really off!
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read the “Eldon Pudpuller.
THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE TITLED “Under the Influence,” we heard the outrage over the grand-jury indictment of former Patronage County Commissioner Victor Spoils. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on February 4, 1980.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER is working on a bog story for this week, but there’s always room for more, so send him your muck.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” No. 295 says to quote P. J. O’Rourke: “The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.”
GOING GALT means you’ve recognized that you do not need to justify your life or wealth to your neighbors, “society,” or politicians, or bureaucrats. They’re yours, period!
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says it’s not surprise that nobody in the Liberal Propaganda Media mentioned the Barack Market’s reaction to Obama’s Coronation in 2009. U.S. stocks sank, sending the Dow Jones Industrial Average to its “historic” worst Inauguration Day decline in history. That, of course, followed the “historic” worst decline since Election Day in history. That’s something else our Obama Supporters in the News forgot to tell us. Check your IRA records, if you don’t believe us.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others. And that group of marijuana legalization advocates handing out thousands of joints during President-elect Donald Trump’s inauguration was a wonderful idea. You don’t suppose any of those rioters were high, do you?
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT SATURDAY’S MEETING OF CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if there were any surprise selections in Trump’s cabinet.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes that are due on January 31. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows how.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JANUARY 23) The Blower will be our Annual Fools For Schools E-dition that we usually run right before Hamilton County home owners have to pay their property taxes.
TUESDAY (JANUARY 24) our Real Subscribers will be commenting on the Media Melt down still going on now that Donald Trump is Fact Checking their stories.
WEDNESDAY, (JANUARY 25) Angry Andersonians will still be trying to figure out how much their Hamilton County Property Taxes increased because of that Forrest Gump School Tax Hike Scam, and The Blower will be reminding everybody to make sure they have cash in their bank accounts next Tuesday to cover those humongous checks they’ll have to write to pay their Jacked-Up Hamilton County Real Estate Taxes.
THURSDAY (JANUARY 26) we’ll be checking to see what any local folks now working at the White House have been doing for the past eight years.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JANUARY 27) LIMERICK IS: “Our new president we’ll call Donald Trump.”
AND SATURDAY (JANUARY 28) we’ll be celebrating Chinese New Year, hoping we don’t gain too much weight eating all that soy sauce.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
ROE V WADE ANNIVERSARY HOT LINE
e-mail us your fetal felicitations today.
Some pro baby killing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally pro baby killing subscribers.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our January fund-raising drive by the Planned Parenthood, for all that great publicity we continue to provide for all that over-taxed payers’ money they receive for killing babies.
Tonight’s Whistleblower Video
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
The Whistleblower has always been 100% commercial free, unlike members of the mendacious news media. So if you want to buy an ad on the front page, call The Fishwrap.