WEDNESDAY, MAY 22, 2019
Trump’s 852nd Day In Office
We’re Pondering Our Political Priorities
This afternoon at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if The Blower could find an Ohio tie-in for the Big News Story today when Michael Avenatti was charged with defrauding Stormy Daniels, after prosecutors in New York City said Avenatti used a doctored document to divert about $300,000 that Daniels was supposed to get from a book deal, then used the money for personal and business expenses and only half of that money was paid back.
Maybe Republicans could Replay last August” Kane explained, when The Blower was promoting The Trumpster’s Rally in Lewis Center, Ohio (wherever the hell that is), Kane. “It was for Republican State Senator Troy Balderson, who was running for U.S. Congress against Disingenuous D-RAT Danny O’Connor.
Meanwhile, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders was reminding everybody: “Stormy Daniels would be trying to Make America Horny Again by dancing totally nude that weekend in Centerville. You know the place, Diamond’s Cabaret (TV 19 called it a Café) that featured two-for-one lap dances. No kidding!”
Stormy had been recently arrested at Sirens Gentlemen’s Club in Columbus. Police said she’d forced the faces of patrons and undercover police officers between her bare breasts.
Trump-haters on CNN and MSMBC call Stormy a “Porn Star,” instead of a “Whore,” “Slut,” or “Prostitute.”
The New York Times and Washington Post use the term “Adult Actress,” instead of “Dirty” or “Scummy.”
The Blower, however, calls Stormy an “Aging Porn Slut,” just to be accurate, because the mendacious media wouldn’t be using euphemisms to make a Skank sound like she’s as pure as the driven snow, at least while she and her pimp lawyer are attacking Donald Trump.
Yesterday we caught one of The Blower’s Summer Interns doing his “due diligence” watching a video of Stormy re-enacting pornographic sex with a Donald Trump lookalike. We told him to pull his pants up.
Everybody at The Blower was eager to see the next day’s assignment sheet so they’d know which event they’d get to cover. Meanwhile, our aroused reporters would be doing their due diligence by watching some of Stormy’s “Dick Flicks” and checking out Stormy Daniels Porn on Google.