Official “Holiday Guilt Campaign” E-dition

Trump’s 804th Day In Office

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The Whistleblower’s 28th Annual Seediest Kids of All Campaign (not associated with the Failed United Way) began earlier this week.

We’re featuring some truly inspirational stories about the waifs and urchins we claim to have helped in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky, just so you’ll believe we actually give a big rat’s ass.

Why don’t we have a more traditional holiday guilt campaign like the rest of the corrupt news media? No charity made our beloved publisher its president in exchange for free publicity and our “endorsement” we don’t have a fat weatherman turned radio talk-show host who was never actually convicted of beating up his girlfriend, and all the really good dead celebrities other than Harriet Beecher Stowe, “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann, and “BeanBall Jim” Bunning have already been taken.

Today’s Worthy Waif Is Markie Mallory,

a dainty little fourth-grader who attended the Cecil Thomas Grade School and Barber College on Linn Street in the West End. One day after merrily skipping to school carrying his naked GI Joe, Dainty, as he was known by all the little homies, headed to the little boys’ room where he was beaten up by two gangstas called Eric H-Dog and Barry O., who took his free lunch pass and GI Joe.

      So the Seediest Kids of All (not to be confused with the failed United Way) hired a fifth-grader named Scotty to escort Dainty to and from school, back and forth to class, and of course to the little boys’ room. Now baby-skank Kamala may have his GI Joe and Barry O. may still be jivin’ everybody about being from Hawaii, but Dainty only has you to thank because your liberal guilt-giving throughout the year made it all possible.

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