Another “Celebrating Trump’s Winning 2016 Campaign” E-dition

Trump’s 724th Day In Office

It Was Obama’s Sixth-From-Final Day In Office

Our countdown clock showed how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds we had remaining until Donald Trump could begin to undo all the damage Obama’s done to America during the previous eight years.


And at the same time, we were remembering what was happening on January 14, 2009, when there were only six more days until Obama could begin damaging the country.

— Special “Great Decisions in History” E-dition —

Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Deciding to Decide

One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those vile-and-disgusting snitches and bitches we’ve received from our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s top stories.

The big buzz at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda was about Loser Lobbyist Rob “Fighting To Help People Forget My Connection to George Bush” Portman’s Tuesday’s 8AM press conference where he took the bold step of announcing that he was “sort of  leaning towards deciding to run.” What a “Profile in Courage” that was!  Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose General George S. Patton’s, “Be willing to make decisions. That’s the most important quality in a good leader.”

The Robster held an impromptu press conference at his estate in Terrace Park Monday morning. The Fishwrap has a link where you can see Rob wearing a casual hunting jacket accompanied by his wife, holding a brief case as if he was on his way out the door to go to the office. Portman even acts surprised to see the press waiting outside his home even though he called the press conference to tell them he is leaning toward deciding to decide that he will run for RINOvich’s Senate seat next year. 

Maybe that’s why Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception is asking, “With RINOvich now out of the picture, will we now be getting two-for-one?”  

Then there was Demented DemocRAT David A. Pepper showing up at Steve Chabothead’s farewell event Monday night. Is nothing sacred anymore?  Wonder if he was carrying a message or any checks from $tan Che$ley.

Then there was the surprise announcement that Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka had picked two-time loser to Chabot Greg Harris to replace Little Lord John Joseph Cranley IV’s empty seat on Cincinnati City clown-cil, after Brian Garry had sent out all those wonderful press releases. 

Maybe that’s why Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane told all those Political Insiders at the Conservative Agenda that watching excited DemocRATs move up the appointment ladder (which the media always had a problem with when Republicans were doing it) is one more illustration that new blood is also needed in the GOP.  This isn’t about having too many Conservatives or not being Conservative enough.  Anyone can call himself a Conservative.  It’s about the base.  No one does a damn thing anymore.  Many people worked their tails off for Chabot and half the people at his farewell weren’t anywhere to be found all last year during the campaign. 

The same thing is true across the state. RINOvich would get crushed because he pissed off the base, but you won’t see them rallying around Portman or Kasich. Some will say they’re too old.  Others will bitch that they’re too young.  Some will complain they’re too Conservative.  Others will whine that they aren’t Conservative enough. Some will complain about running a bunch of nobodies.  Others will complain that they are tired faces.  Some will complain about running white guys.  Others will allege they’re Jewish. Either way, too many Republican in-activists: the club presidents, the ward chairs who haven’t knocked on a door since Lincoln was a precinct captain, and the Uncle Malcontents who pontificate at family gatherings, will do nothing to help them win and say “they shoulda listened to me” when they lose.

In Washington, our DC Newbreaker says now that Obama is to be crowned King, the “Now You Can” people have moved to “Now You Can make DC a State.” Signs like these are popping up all over the place.

But the masses heading to the “historic” Coronation of His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadj, Doctor Barrack Hussein Obama Dada could spend a lot of time in line for a port-o-let. A George Washington University law professor says the 5,000 no-flush port-o-potties planned for Inauguration Day will be “grossly inadequate.”

Over at Scrappleface, Scott Ott says as news broke that Obama reportedly plans to issue an executive order on his first day in office closing the U.S. terrorist detention center in GITMO, states began wooing inmates as residents. Meanwhile, Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1942, a more experienced DemocRAT President Roosevelt ushered in Japanese-America internment, probably because FDR understood we were actually fighting a war at the time.

When we last saw our Obsessive Compulsive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose counting the RSVPs to their Obama Coronation Bash at the Camargo Country Club in only six more days, they were in full “countdown to the new epoch” mode. They also spent the day performing a mystic good luck ceremony suggested to them by their spiritual advisor Ms. Doris Deepak-Chopra. Much like the ancient Incas, Tom and Rose placed their “President Obama, Man of Hope” Coins inside a sacred circle and danced around it arm-in-arm while chanting their secret mantras. Obama bless us, everyone!

Locally, MoveOn.Org will be holding a rabble-rousing meeting in Kenwood where local Obama Supporters looking for their own personal bailouts can blame George Bush and whine about the economy, then present a petition to That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch Mean Jean Hoffman Schmidt.

Republicans for Higher Taxes is adding a new feature to their site for the New Year.  They plan to occasionally profile some of the finest up-and-coming tax hikers in the Hamilton County. 

Their latest work is a profile of Sycamore School Bored Member Diane Adamec, currently pushing for a permanent tax increase for the residents of Sycamore’s school district.  In only three years on the Board, High Tax Adamec’s record of higher taxes and spending has led to her endorsement for re-election from these tax hikers.  And as expected, they also endorsed the permanent tax increase that will be on May’s ballot.  

Finally, Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz  may be celebrating his property tax reduction, arranged for by his long-time friend, the Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor (who was permitted to run unopposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street). But for the rest of us who’ve had our property values jacked up, you may wish to file a complaint. (This message was brought to you as a public service by Joe “Call Me Night or Day” Braun at Strauss & Troy’s Super Duper Tax Reduction Department.)

Bluegrass Bloggery

Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wonders if when Obama becomes President and moves into the White House, and if Washington D.C. ever has a flood, will Obama appear on the roof of the White House like all those people in New Orleans waiting for Bush to come save him?

And how many of Obama’s family members are the over-taxed payers expected to support anyhow? If these people are getting welfare checks, can we get any of that back, since we’re going to be housing and feeding them anyway?

Now here’s an item you’ll have to admit is a little weird: Kenton County Commissioner Dan Humpert has officially entered the 2010 county judge-executive GOP primary, filing his formal paperwork in Frankfort and dedicating the race to his late father. Humpert gathered his campaign team January 8 at the gravesite of his father, Dr. Joe Humpert, who would have turned 93 that day, to make his campaign announcement.

An over-taxed payer from Union would like to know if it would be possible for The Blower to have an Idiot of the Week contest. His suggestion for this week would be State Rep-tile Sal Santoro because the Rep-tile seems to think that since attendance and revenue at the swimming pools in Boone County was down last year, the answer is to make it illegal to have a pool in your back yard.

Steve Markovich, who is trying to have legislation passed that all tax increases in the State of Kentucky would have to be approved by the voters, was a guest on the Bill Cunningham Radio Show, guest hosted by Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters. Kenny Brown from the Citizens for Lower Taxes called in to give a full report on the progress made by that organization, and “Call Me Crazy” presented Kenny with Cunningham’s totally meaningless “Common Man of the Day Award.”

Somebody who claimed to be Ken CamBoo from The Whistleblower called in to say that Judge No Moore in 2010 would not be happy with Deters for giving Kenny that award and the Deters wanted to know if The Blower still referred to him as Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters. The guy who claimed to be the Camboozler informed him that the name fit, so why would we ever want to change it. To which Eric wanted to know if we take advertising from lawyers yet? 

            Finally, how do you spot a Redneck in Fort Thomas with a DUI?

e-mail your serious suggestions today.

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Some sacrilegious items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally sacrilegious subscribers.