THURSDAY, JANUARY 03, 2019
Trump’s 713th Day In Office
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Yesterday’s celebrity birthdays included three American icons: Millard Fillmore, 13th president of these United States; Paul Revere, the New England Patriot who rode through every Middlesex village and farm to warn that the British were coming; and of course, Our Very Own Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, Charles Foster Kane. —Hurley the Historian
There’s a slight chance Schumer’s Shutdown (that isn’t a real shutdown) will still be in effect on Kane’s Birthday next Monday. —The Trumpster
Don’t forget my birthday next Tuesday. —Elvis
I’d be wondering if anybody will be wishing me Happy Birthday on my Facebook Page, if Facebook hadn’t cancelled my page because somebody claimed I was not a “real person.” —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
Folks who showed up at my Christmas Party at Jack Casino didn’t understand why I’m only running for State office, instead of Federal office where The Blower made me famous. —“Mean Jean” Schmidt
We can hardly wait till Her Meanness asks for our endorsement. —Clermont County Republicans
Please tell your Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Happy Birthday, since we’ll be mailing his re-estate tax bill next Monday. —Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering
Would this be the right time to mention our upcoming tax increase? —Forest Hills School Board
Wait till your Beloved Publisher sees what we did to his tax bill. We’ll just call it a “birthday” present. —Your Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor Who Was Also Permitted to Run Unopposed
Please thank Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception for including us in last year’s rendition of Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Party After the After Party. —Howard Wilkinson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin, Ohio GOP Governor John Kasich, Lady Ga Ga, Roseanne Barr, President of Iran, Mayor Mallory, Trish “the Dish,” Mitt Romney, Hillary, “JayWalking Joe” Deters, Foxy Roxy, Vladimir Putin, “Millionaire Mike” Brown, Obama’s Mooch, the Birthday Boy, Whoopi Cushion, Sarah Baby, and Bill Springerinham
Clowns to the left of you, Jokers to the right, here we are, Stuck in the middle with you. —Long-time Whistleblower Persons of Consequence
How cold is it supposed to get this week? —TV 19’s “Trish the Dish”
Sheree Paolello used to always ask how warm it was when I wore my winter wig. —Jack Atherton, (Retired TV Anchorman)
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially RINOs in Congress.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Celebrity Birthdays to show that always all that obsessing over celebrities is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President In History In The White House—Twice, And Planned To Give Obama A Third Term By Voting For Crooked Hillary, And Get All Of Their Local “Fake News” From Our Obama Supporters In The Press, Like The Ones At The Fishwrap, And On Channel 5, 9, 12, And 19.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially WLWT AnchorBabe Sheree Paolello (whose name we have to look up how to spell every time we use it).
CONSERVATIVE CAMPAIGN HOT LINE
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WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Our Classic Mike Brown Video from 2010