MONDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2018
Trump’s 703rd Day In Office
The Schumer Shutdown Has Finally Arrived
At this afternoon’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Charles Foster Kane if The Blower was ready to cover the so-called upcoming Government Shutdown.
“The Blower’s ready,” Kane explained, “The only thing that would’ve prevented a government shutdown would’ve been if Congress had actually passed appropriations legislation to fund government operations and agencies before the Friday-night funding deadline that included a paltry $5 Billion Border Wall the American people wanted before the Friday-night funding deadline. That’s almost as important as those end-of-the-month financial reporting period deadlines you read about on all those political fund-raising letters.
Meanwhile, Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says everybody in Washington is already doing the Government Shutdown Dance.
The Blame Game has officially begun: Nutty Nancy Pelosi claims President Trump is plunging all of America in chaos. Chuck Schumer is already calling Republicans “Racists,” and everybody in the Liberal Propaganda Media is ready to say it’s all Trump’s Fault. Remember what Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen’s (now Executive Director of the Council for National Policy) said: That there are only two reasons anybody runs for public office. One: To be somebody (sheriff, mayor, governor) and become wealthier along the way, or Two: To actually accomplish something.” It’s obvious to which groups Pelosi and Schumer belong.
Now Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddle” fans are just waiting for one of our distinguished gentlemen call folks on the other side of the aisle such names as “rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, half-wits, dim-wits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, horn-swagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank-robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists.”
The Blower can hardly wait. Whistleblower 2019 Winter Interns (Josie, Zach, Bryan, and Mitchell) are already updating our Government Shutdown Jokes.
Hurley the Historian said “I can’t stop thinking about what happened during the 1995 government shutdown. That’s when Disgraced DemocRAT Ex-Pant’s Dropper in Chief Bill Clinton got his first blow job from Monica Lewinski in the Oval Office.”
“That’s right,” Kane pointed out. “Any connection we can make between Friday night’s pending government shutdown and a Despicable DemocRAT like Bill Clinton gives us another opportunity to ravage a man who so much deserves of our never-ending enmity and contempt.
“Maybe this would be a good time to recite our Beloved Whistleblower Motto. (Let’s all say it together): “Because wherever there’s corruption, we’ll be there. Wherever there’s injustice, we’ll be there. And wherever there’s a bunch of big guys beating up on a little guy, we’ll be there too…holding the little guy down, and that goes double for “Dreamers.”
Now Everybody Wants To Know
Is Schumer’s Shutdown Over?GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN HOT LINE
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Some government shutdown favoring items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally government shutdown favoring subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
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