MONDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2018
Trump’s 703rd Day In Office
It’s Always More Blessed to Receive
Hurley the Historian says the exact date of Jesus’ birth is not known, but that’s not a good enough reason to change all the calendars. Plus, tonight as usual, TBS and TNT will be airing “A Christmas Story” twelve times during Christmas Eve and Christmas. Politicians will be exploiting Christmas every chance they get. We’re wondering if it’ll be as bad as it was a couple of years ago when in Washington State, somebody nailed Santa to a cross to protest Christmas commercialism, and in New Zealand, drunk Santas stormed a movie theatre, leaving children really confused.
The reason we’re seeing more Christmas scenes taking place at Joseph’s carpenter shop in Bethlehem instead of the stable in Nazareth (70 miles away) is due to a change in Roman Catholic Church policy of favoring Matthew’s version of the story as opposed to the other three New Testament authors. Besides, they found a sponsor for the carpenter shop location: Black and Decker.
Our Quote for Today Committee selected Bad Santa’s “It’s always more blessed to receive.” Our Pervert Porn Checker e-mailed us a picture entitled “How to get what you want for Christmas,” and sure enough, it showed Santa getting a BJ. And if you think that’s in bad taste, The Blower remembers that Corporate Christmas Card the Greedy Weasels at Clear Channel sent to some of their soon-to-be-fired employees who once again received no Christmas bonuses that year. But things are look a little bit better this year, especially after Congress finally passed Trump’s Tax Cuts and some companies started giving out big bonus checks.
Is it always better to give or receive? Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane says, “Just ask all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, And Planned To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Crooked Hillary, and get all of their local “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap, and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19, along with the rest of us during the final 680 days of Trump’s First Term.
More Christmas Crap
When we last left our over-the-top Obamamaniacs Tom and Rose, Rose had just returned from a very short stay in the hospital where she was being treated for frostbite. Tom was preparing to head home from his volunteer fund-raising job at National Public Radio to cheer up Rose’s day with a nice bouquet of Obama-loons. But, before he left the office, Tom cooked up another real surprise for Rose by booking a trip to the Holy Land on Priceline.com, using his new MoveOn.org credit card. “I’ve always wanted to see the birth place of the savior,” said a happy Tom. “And, I hear this is an especially nice time of the year to visit Hawaii, the State that gave us our Obamessiah!”
Speaking of Hawaii: This Christmas The Blower misses seeing All Our Obamas spending Christmas on Oahu just like they did for eight straight years when he was in office. At least this year federal and local over-taxed payers aren’t likely to be left with another holiday bill that tops $4 million in borrowed money for the Obama family’s security and travel expenses to the exclusive retreat known for its turquoise waters and rolling surf.
On the other hand, this year President Trump cancelled Christmas In Florida to deal with Schumer’s Shutdown In DC while watching the Dow plunge 650 points today in the worst Christmas Eve trading session ever
Meanwhile, Everybody Wants To Know
WHISTLEBLOWER CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENTS
AND IN THE MARKDOWN BIN
What if Bobby Leach handled Santa’s Correspondence?
Please send me a baby brother.
The Amazing Chabot Head Decorated for the Holidays with the Star of Dubya on Top
An e-mail From Santa
It’s the night before Christmas and I’m really pissed. I’ve cussed out the elves and I’ve thrown down my list.
Those miserable brats, those ungrateful jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.
I’ve busted my ass for nearly a year. Instead of “Thanks a lot, Santa,” what do I hear?
The old lady bitches ’cause I work late at night. The elves want more money, the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids. Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better, those assholes from the IRS just sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes, if that ain’t damn funny. Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?
And the kids nowadays, they’re all just the pits. They want the impossible, those mean little shits.
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds. Assembling dolls…their arms, legs, and their heads.
I made lots of yo-yos. No request for them. They want computers and robots… who am I, IBM?
Flying through the air, dodging those trees. Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.
I’m quitting this job. There’s just no enjoyment. I’ll sit on my fat ass and collect unemployment.
There’ll be no Christmas this year. Now you know the reason.
I found me a blonde. I’m going South for the season.
Maybe next year, you’ll get something nice. But tonight just for you, I have some advice.
Get up off your asses. You have until dawn. Wal-Mart will be open, till everything’s gone.
Now Here’s Another Holiday Safety Tip
Your friends at the Newtown Fire House say, “Please remember: Grandma is flammable.”
TAKING CHRIST OUT OF X-MA$ HOTLINE
e-mail your liberal blasphemies today.
Some politically incorrect items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally politically incorrect subscribers.
Whistleblower Christmas Videos
Bobby Leach’s All Time Favorite Christmas Song