WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 05, 2018
Trump’s 684th Day In Office
A Season of Sacrifice
We’re not sure what you’ll be seeing this year from the Destroy Trump Media, but for the previous administration during December we were forced to witness the President and First Lady wrapping CHRISTmas presents with Christian kids, spinning the Hanukkah dreidel with little Jewish children, reading stories from Koran stories to Muslim boys and girls, and practicing break dancing with black yoofs to celebrate that made-up liberal holiday called Kwanzaa.
Continuing to reach out to every conceivable religious denomination in America, the previous First Family invited little Druid children to the White House to help them get ready to celebrate the Wiccan Sabbat of Yule as part of that religion’s Winter Solstice Celebration. A White House spokesman explained children would only be drinking grape juice, instead of the traditional goat’s blood during the ritual.
Vice President Joe Biden, himself an orthodox Druid who doesn’t look Druish, offered Solstice Greetings to everyone observing the Wiccan Sabbat of Yule. Biden called it a vibrant and energizing celebration, offering millions of Druid Americans an opportunity to enhance their self esteem by embracing the rich cultural traditions of their heritage. All that took place on December 21, since the Mayans were wrong when they predicted the world would end on that date in 2012.
This year, however, the importance of the Druid High Holy Day may be lost, since over-sexed Liberals are again planning to celebrate the Winter Solstice and wondering if there will be a World Orgasm for Peace Day in 2018, just like we all celebrated last year.
This year, We The Deplorables will be making Christmas Great Again by hanging Trump ornaments on our Christmas Trees.
Meanwhile, Obama and “Crooked Hillary” Supporters in the Press will continue wishing everybody “Happy Holidays, along with all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, And Planned To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Crooked Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap, and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19, like Tom and Rose who would like to purchase a Grinch Obama Cancelling CHRISTmas Tree Ornament for only $12.50, plus God-only-knows-how-much for shipping-and-handling, as Liberals plan to lie to their gullible followers for the next 699 days until Donald Trump is re-elected.
And don’t forget at your local K-Mart, this year’s shipment of amazing Chabot Heads has been sitting in the markdown bin for local losers ever since Election Day 2008, along with copies of Ben-Gal Becky’s and Judge Mock’s cups, and of course, Rob “Fighting for Frankincense” Portman’s same-sex coloring book.
“Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of CHRISTmas
Now for those of you planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane in attending “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Annual Christmas Party at Jack casino in downtown Cincinnati where she’ll be kicking off her return to politics, let’s all sing the third verse of “Mean Jean’s” Twelve Days of Chrisman, sent in by “Mean Jean’s” former campaign Mangler, Joe “I Managed Scott Croswell’s Failed Campaign Too” Braun, whose Strauss & Troy law firm partners are celebrating this Christmas because they’ve finally been paid for defending “Mean Jean” in Columbus before the Ohio Elections Commission several years ago. It goes something like this:
On the Third Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Three Borgman cartoons,
Two red dresses,
And one old crapper, from Rob Portman’s legacy.
Meanwhile, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane has not yet received his annual Christmas card from Rob “Fighting for Family Photographs” Portman. Could this possibly be just a coincidence?
In other Holiday Countdowns: Hanukkah Harry says he’ll be arriving next Tuesday night, Kwanzaa Klaus says there be only 20 more shoplifting days till Kwanzaa, and someday soon we’ll be wishing a “Merry Christmas” to all those folks at the Hamilton County Courthouse who lost their jobs when the Disingenuous DemocRATS took over, and will be standing in line at for a CHRISTmas Goose at the FreeBee Store. Did we already miss this year’s COAST CHRISTmas Party where you have to buy your own drinks, or the 2016 Hamilton County RINO Party Holiday Party, whenever that’s supposed to be? And we’re still waiting to hear the details of our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ Tenth Annual CHRISTmas Party. Coincidentally, that’ll once again be the same time and place as the Holiday Party for the Whistleblower NoKY Legal Dream Team and the Cabal to Destroy “Crazy Eric Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club).
FINALLY: If you’re still having trouble finding where Ohio’s Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup turned on those Amazing Amish CHRISTmas Tree Lights in Adams County Saturday night, you might check with the Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located west of West Union.
And would you look Wenstrup’s Christmas Card? Have you ever seen anything cuter in your life?
If you and your children go looking for Official White House CHRISTmas Greetings on the internet, whatever you do, don’t click on “www.whitehouse.com.” These days that web site is totally useless. Ex-Citizens for Community Values Chairman Phil Burr-ass Phil Burr-ass says he liked it better in the good old days when that web address was just a sleazy porn site, but this year you can still find out how you can meet single transexuals who live in your neighborhood. Now Here’s An Update On That Company CHRISTmas Party You Heard About In The Blower:
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 5
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! Isn’t it great that we’ve already celebrated Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours? That would’ve put a serious damper on our party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year may not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps Luigi’s can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party – the days are so short this time of year – or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men; each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table. No cross-dressing allowed though, for the person asking permission to cross dress. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts.
Did I miss anything?
ALSO REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male
and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male
reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late
November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers
till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man
in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
MAKING A MOCKERY OF MULTI-CULTURALISM HOT LINE
e-mail your blasphemous bulletins today.
Some politically incorrect items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally politically incorrect subscribers
Whistleblower Video of The Day
Last Year’s Insanely Funny Trump Christmas Parody “Most Wonderful Time in 8 Years”
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