THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2018
Trump’s 629th Day In Office
Thank Heavens Trump Didn’t Use the “C-Word”
At this morning’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were listening to Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane explain how the 2018 Mid Term Elections were looking like Trump’s 2016 greatest Presidential Campaign in History, except that in 2018 The Trumpster doesn’t have that PussyGate Smear like he did two years ago. It’s probably a good thing, since our Media Morons probably still don’t understand the meaning of “Locker Room Banter,” you know, those locker-room jokes and rude sexual remarks that men are thought to enjoy when they are in the company other men and no women can hear what they’re saying
Or maybe they really do understand about “guy talk,” and Hillary’s Harpies were only using those vile-and-disgusting words uttered in 2005 to bash Donald Trump, while ignoring each and every one of Hillary’s crimes and scandals during the past 30 years. Curiously, Pussy-Whipped Politicians like Portman and Kasich would find locker room banter more offensive than adult males showering with young girls in their locker room.
Or maybe our Liberal Media Conspirators were just trying to fool all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Now Plan To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Crooked Hillary, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19, one more time.
“Actually, as any graduate of the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools can tell you, “Locker Room Banter” is right there in the Declaration of Independence,” Kane added, because Thomas Jefferson wrote, “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Pussy.”
And even the Pledge of Allegiance says, “One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and Pussy for all.”
Do you remember when Patrick Henry said, “Give me Pussy or give me a death?”
Nathan Hale said, “I regret that I have but one Life to give to chasing Pussy.”
John Paul Jones said, “I have not yet begun to Fight For Pussy.”
George Washington said, “I cannot tell a lie. It was only Pussy that made me cut down the cherry tree.”
Samuel Adams said, “Someday they’ll name a beer after me, and when they do, I’ll be grabbing Pussy.”
Daniel Webster said, “One country, one constitution, one destiny, and hours of Pussy.”
At Gettysburg, Abraham Lincoln said, “The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget Pussy.”
William Tecumseh Sherman said, “War is hell– without Pussy.”
George Armstrong Custer said, “Where in the hell did all that Pussy come from?”
Woodrow Wilson said, “The world must be made safe for Pussy.”
Will Rogers said, “I never met a Pussy I didn’t like.”
General George S. Patton said, “No bastard ever won a war dying for his Pussy. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for his Pussy.”
FDR said, “We have nothing to fear but Pussy itself.”
Douglas McArthur said, “I shall return– for Pussy.”
Harry Truman said, “The Locker Room Banter stops here.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “I think that people want Pussy so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.”
Albert Einstein said, “”The hardest thing in the world to understand is Pussy.”
Sigmund Freud said, “Most of men’s problems can be traced to their subconscious feelings about Pussy.”
John Kennedy said, “Ask not what you can do for your Pussy.”
Neil Armstrong said, “A small step for man, one giant step for Pussy.
Barry Goldwater said, “Extremism in the defense of Pussy is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of Pussy is no virtue.”
Vince Lombardi said, “Locker Room Banter isn’t everything.”
Ronald Reagan said, “My fellow Americans. I’m pleased to announce that I’ve signed legislation outlawing Pussy in Russia. The bombing starts in five minutes.”
John Wayne said, “Sure Women have the right to work wherever they want, as long as they have your dinner ready when you get home along with a big helping of Pussy for dessert.”
Rev. Martin Luther King said, “I had a dream about Pussy.”
Bill Clinton said “Nobody ask if I ate her Pussy.”
Charlton Heston said, “Let my Pussy go.”
At every patriotic rally, Lee Greenwood always sings, “God Bless Pussy.”
George W. Bush said, “Pussy Accomplished.”
Not to be outdone, Obama now still insists that only Mean-Spirited Republicans would ever mention Pussy.
And Donald Trump says, “You should hear what Bill Clinton told me about Hillary eating Pussy.
LOCKER ROOM BANTER HOT LINE
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Some Locker Room Banter items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Locker Room Banter subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.