FRIDAY, AUGUST 3, 2018
Trump’s 560th Day In Office
We’re Pondering Our Political Priorities
This afternoon at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane which Ohio event he would personally be covering tomorrow.
“The Blower’s been promoting The Trumpster’s Rally in Lewis Center, Ohio (wherever the hell that is), Kane explained. “It’s for Republican State Senator Troy Balderson, who’s running for U.S. Congress against Disingenuous DemocRAT Danny O’Connor. (GET YOUR TICKETS HERE)
Meanwhile, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders reminded the group: “Stormy Daniels will be trying to Make America Horny Again by dancing totally nude this weekend in Centerville. You know the place, Diamond’s Cabaret (TV 19 calls it a Café) that features two-for-one lap dances. No kidding!”
Stormy was recently arrested at Sirens Gentlemen’s Club in Columbus. Police said she forced the faces of patrons and undercover police officers between her bare breasts.
Trump-haters on CNN and MSMBC call Stormy a “Porn Star,” instead of a “Whore,” “Slut,” or “Prostitute.”
The New York Times and Washington Post use the term “Adult Actress,” instead of “Dirty” or “Scummy.”
The Blower, however, calls Stormy an “Aging Porn Slut,” just to be accurate, because the mendacious media wouldn’t be using euphemisms to make a Skank sound like she’s as pure as the driven snow, at least while she and her pimp lawyer are attacking Donald Trump.
Yesterday we caught one of The Blower’s Summer Interns doing his “due diligence” watching a video of Stormy re-enacting pornographic sex with a Donald Trump lookalike. We told him to pull his pants up.
Now everybody at The Blower is eager to see tomorrow’s assignment sheet so they’ll know which event they get to cover. Meanwhile, our aroused reporters will be doing their due diligence by watching some of Stormy’s “Dick Flicks” and checking out Stormy’s Pornography on Google.