Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
TUESDAY, MAY 8, 2018
Tonight’s Top Conservative News Stories You Won’t See On The Front Page Of Tomorrow’s Fishwrap
(Or On Channels 5, 9, 12, And 19, Either)
— TONIGHT’S TOP WHISTLEBLOWER STORY —
President Donald Trump honored a major campaign promise on Tuesday and announced that the United States will pull out of the nuclear deal with Iran, in order to start a new foreign policy that will actually stop Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon.
Trump not only blasted the brazen “bloody ambitions” of Iran, he said when he makes a promise, the world will know that he means business.
“The United States no longer makes empty threats. When I make promises, I keep them,” Trump charged.
Politics At The Polls
For the past several years, Charles Foster Kane had voted early by mail, but this year, our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher was glad he’d decided to save the 69-cents first-class postage so he could see how the fine folks at the Hamilton County Board of Elections had fixed all those mechanical problems Kneepad Liberals were whining about during the previous election. This year, the Competent Caucasian at the sign-in table knew what he was doing, unlike Sharisha and Lequetia at the next table. They chattered away the whole time Kane was inside the polling place, and you could really save a lot of time if you didn’t bother blackening in the rectangles next to the names of all those candidates running unopposed.
Last year, Kane said they should’ve moved his polling place from the church basement to the neighborhood nursing home. It would’ve smelled the same and the people who work at the polls wouldn’t have had so far to go. Usually, Republican poll workers gave out stickers Republican voters that said “I VOTED” and DemocRAT poll workers handed out stickers to the DemocRAT voters that said “I VOTED TWICE.” But last year on that first Tuesday in November, Precinct G in Anderson had run out of “I Voted” stickers. Precinct H didn’t even get any to begin with. They must have been expecting a really low turnout. Or maybe Hamilton County Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP was in charge of the planning. This year, we didn’t see a sticker in the whole place.
And now that this year’s mud-slinging is finally over, The Blower is wondering if people will ever figure out that they should’ve been voting against the candidate (or issue) running the most TV commercials, because they’re the ones slinging the most mud.
—Tonight’s Top Trump Tweets —
The Blower Is Still Waiting For Our Soros-Funded Boycott For Mocking David Hogg To Begin
— Now Available At The Whistleblower Store —
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Mending The Nation – Jon McNaughton
“Expose The Truth”
FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT JON McNAUGHTON’S PAINTINGS, CLICK HERE.
— TONIGHT’S BEN GARRISON MOMENT —
TO SEE MORE BEN GARRISON ILLUSTRATIONS, CLICK HERE — TONIGHT’S PHOTO-SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOF ON CURRENT EVENTS FROM EDWARD CROPPER —
TO SEE MORE PHOTO SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOFS FROM EDWARD CROPPER, CLICK HERE
— Whistleblower NFL Super Bowl Boycott Countdown Continues —
— Tonight’s Whistleblower Not-Faking News —
“All The Other News That’s Fit Not-To-Fake”
2018 PRIMARY ELECTION RESULTS
Republican Candidates Won All 2018 GOP Primary Elections in Ohio, Indiana, West Virginia, And North Carolina
— TONIGHT’S REAL NEWS FROM OUR SATIRICAL WEB SITES —
(Commenting On The Top Stories Of The Day)
Hillary Clinton Wearing Back Brace
BIG HAIRY NEWS – After being spotted on multiple occasions lately wearing long jackets paired with colorful scarves that drape down over a large, square protuberance on her back, medical sources close to Hillary Clinton have confirmed that she is wearing a back brace.
Clinton has reportedly been wearing the brace since “spraining her entire body” after slipping on some stairs in India (below).
TO SEE MORE BIG HAIRY NEWS, CLICK HERE
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE PEOPLE’S CUBE, CLICK HERE
Kim Jong Un Specifically Requests Summit Meeting Be Held At Chuck E. Cheese’sTO HEAR MORE BUZZ FROM THE BABYLON BEE, CLICK HERE
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE ONION, CLICK HERE — Tonight’s Top Three Whistleblower Political Posters — — HERE’S HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FAKE NEWS SITE —
The Whistleblower Newswire Is The Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
The Blower believes we’re still living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop campaign against Political Correctness, the Devolution of American Culture, and the Liberal News Media. Congress and the Liberal Media Establishment will continue to lie and say really stupid things without a smidgen of journalistic integrity in their effort to advance the Liberal Agenda.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda Is Now Completing Working On Donald Trump’s Fourth 100 Days To Make America Great Again. Today Is Day Number 473. There Are Now Only 909 More Days Until Trump’s Re-election Day on November 3, 2020.