TUESDAY, APRIL 18, 2017
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
A lot of blood was shed on tomorrow’s date in American history. That was the day in 1775 when Patriots in Lexington and Concord fired the opening volley for liberty, where the shot heard ‘round the world officially began the American Revolution during the Battle at Lexington Green, in 1861, we had the first bloodshed during the Civil War. In 1993, Clinton’s Attorney General Janet Reno blew up David Koresh and his followers at the Branch Davidian compound in Waco; and in 1995, Timothy McVeigh blew up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Now which event do you think our Kneepad Liberals in the Press are most likely to mention? —Hurley the Historian
Some people confuse yesterday’s “Patriots’ Day” celebration with my “Patriot Day” commemoration on September 11. —George W. Bush
Did you forget to mention that yesterday in 1775, we set out on horseback from Boston, riding to every Middlesex, village, and farm to warn the countryside that the British were coming? —Patriots Paul Revere and William Dawes
Today we’re not just bringing you one little quote, we have the whole damn poem. And wouldn’t you know, even way back when, the New York Times was already undermining America’s patriotism. —Your Quote for Today Committee
We remember when a million fans hit the streets of Boston last year on Patriots’ Day for the 119th running of the Boston Marathon. Security was high along the 26.2 mile course, in recognition of the bombing of the 2013 race, which killed three people and injured 264 in the one of the most visible attacks on U.S. soil since Sept. 11, 2001. —Reuters News Service
How odd was it that time when Patriots’ Day was celebrated on Hitler’s Birthday? —Marge Schott
Does anybody remember Ohio Delusional Republican Governor Kasich’s misleading claims about his election results in the 2014 Election? Results from Cuyahoga County show he got even fewer people to vote for him in Cuyahoga County than Mitt Romney did and would actually have no chance of winning Ohio if he were the Republican nominee. —Ohio TEA Party Guy Tom Zawistowski
Is everybody hereabouts having fun watching us stonewall our secret memos about the City Manager Harry Black’s late-night inebriated phone calls just like the FBI/DOJ stonewalls memos about the Mueller inquisition? —Cincinnati City Council Cabal (PG Sitt-and-Spin, Squealbak, Young, Landsman, and Dennard)
At least the Cincinnati City Council Cabal wasn’t stonewalling “sexting” messages like our adult employees. —Forest Hills School District
How bad is it when even those Liberal suckups at PMSNBC said my Complete Campaign Clusterfuck was the most contrived-appearing campaign ever? —Hillary
Do you think people would’ve cared to learn more about Hillary Clinton, especially all our Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19? —America Rising
If only Radical Islamic Terrorists had attacked a golf course, then Obama’s White House might’ve finally paid attention. —Republican 2016 Presidential Candidate TEA Party Ted Cruz
We think it’s really patriotic for us to be taking so much time off so we can go back home and campaign for re-election in only 567 more days. —Crooks in Congress
Does anybody remember that “Diversity Event” where girls would have to spend the day wearing a hijab? —Mason High School
Are sure this is the “next year” we’ve all been waiting for? —Typical Reds Fan Farley Fairweather
The most patriotic thing in the issue of The Blower’s 25th Anniversary series that came out April 16, 1991 was a story about the weekend warriors in the 169th Underground Mess Kit Repair Group’s return to their unit in Norwood. [SEE EDITION #46 HERE]
In Northern Kentucky, everybody’s getting ready for the big Earth Day celebration on Saturday. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
For the first Earth Day in 1970, my teacher let us out of class early so we could sweep up cigarette butts from the gutter. This weekend I attended the Earth Day concert on the DC Mall — not quite what I remember as a kid. —Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson
It’s great to care about the environment (and people probably should), but it’s incredibly hypocritical to go to a concert celebrating the environment and leave the area a trash-strewn mess. Simply going to a concert is not an indulgence to litter in the future. —Christine Rousselle at Town Hall.com
In honor of Earth Day, we’ll be serving green bologna to all our guests at the Kenton County Escape Center. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
On Earth Day, I’ll really miss talking trash on Bill Cunningham’s Trash Talk Radio Show like it used to on WLW700 Hate Radio. —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
On Earth Day, are you allowed to cut your grass? —Goof Doofus
On Earth Day, is it still OK to make love to your sheep? —Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams
On Earth Day, you don’t have to put money in parking meters, right? —Steve “I’m 5’0, Not 4’11” Mergele
Here’s our Earth Day joke: Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A: Because the chicken wasn’t invented yet. —Ken Ham at the Creation Museum
Never lend geologists money. They consider a million years recent. —Bluegrass Pawn Shops
I always enjoy watching lesbian mud wrestling on Earth Day. —Horny in Hebron
Earth first, we’ll strip mine the rest of the planets later. —Kentucky Coal Miners Who Voted For Trump
For Earth Day, I asked this hot tree hugger babe if she’d like to sit on my stump. —Bobby Leach
Trish the Dish wants to know when we celebrate Up Uranus Day. —TV 19 News
It’s a funny thing, I asked the same question last night. —Sheree Paolello
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Married Gay Couples.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower ridicules Looney Liberals to show that complaining about ecological problems without coming up with viable solutions is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an Environmental Wacko.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially tree-huggers.
EARTH DAY HOTLINE
e-mail your noxious emissions today.
Some Green Weenie items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Green Weenie subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Annoying Orange – Earth Day
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Joe Wessels, planning to celebrate Earth Day on Friday by personally picking up every used condom in Over-The-Rhine.