Another “Olympics Update” E-dition

Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative AgendaAUGUST 13 OLYMPICS UPDATE


Medals For Mockery
So far at the 2018 Winter Olympics, Conservative Agenda Political Insiders couldn’t stop talking about that how the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang’s torch lighting ceremony got a gold medal for mockery when viewers said the giant metal rings used to ignite the cauldron looked like a “robot fire penis.”

A Silver Medal For Mockery when that lovely little South Korean girl’s wardrobe malfunctioned and guys with horny balls got to see a little south Korean titty.

and a Bronze Medal for Mockery after Karie Couric embarrassed all of America when the Dutch media mocked the NBC Olympics commentator for suggesting speed-skaters from the Netherlands were racking up medals because speed-skating was an “important mode of transport” back home.

That’s when Hurley the Historian proudly presented this important piece of Olympics history:


2,500 years ago a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa’-me) was attending the first athletic festival in Greece.

That festival had no official name.

image006In those days the athletes performed naked. To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on a drink containing saltpeter, before and throughout the variety of events.

At the opening ceremonial parade of this first great event, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked athletic males marching toward her and she exclaimed: “Oh! Limp pricks!”

Over the next two and a half millennia that expression morphed into “Olympics.”

Another version of the Gedophamee legend comes from Jack Ellison.

image007Long, long ago in a land far away
Was this slave girl named Gedophamee
Worked as a prostitute to earn some dough
Name was pronounced “Get-offa-me!”

At an athletic festival in Roman times
Male athletes performed in the buff
Preventing arousal while they competed
They imbibed and downed other stuff

At the opening gala ceremonial parade
One lady exclaimed “Oh! Limp Dicks!”
Ever since that momentous occasion
It has morphed into the “Olympics”

© Jack Ellison 2013

This is the Official Legend of Gedophamee. Any Legend of Gedophamee you may see published anywhere else would surely be a fake.image003 image008