FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2017
The Corruption of Christmas
Last Christmas season, during Obama’s Devolution of the American Culture, we witnessed a record level of blasphemy according to each person’s own filter of political correctness. Racial Racketeers like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson still claimed “Jesus was a Black Man.” Members of GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) were still exploiting that really silly Duck Dynasty Controversy that claimed “Santa Claus preferd an anus to a vagina.” And Radical Islamic Terrorists of Hamas like Mahmoud Abbas was still being mocked for that time he tried to maintain that Jesus and Santa were both Palestinians, while Barry and Michelle wished season’s greetings and happy holidays to all of those hard-working, dumb-ass, white-trash, gun loving, Christian, cracker, over-taxed payers all across the country.
That’s because everybody was wondering if “Devout” Christian Barack Hussein Obama would be too busy golfing to attend the Christmas services during his over-taxed payer funded Hawaiian Vacation, despite issuing a call for the three quarters of Americans who identify themselves as Christians to remember the religious aspect of the holiday and not overdo the commercial. Oh, the Hypocrisy!
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose this Chevy Chase Classic from “Christmas Vacation”: “Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah!”
This morning, President Trump signed the Republican tax bill that passed through Congress earlier in the week, just before leaving to spend the Christmas holiday at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida. Is the Trumpster making Christmas great again, or what?!
Hurley the Historian says around this time in 1831, Charles Darwin was ready to set sail in the Beagle. The weather was fine, but the opportunity was lost due to the entire crew being either missing or drunk from the festivities of the night before (for Christmas). Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo remembers last year when Creationist Ken Ham put all those colored lights on his Noah’s Ark exhibit to ‘take the rainbow back’ from LGBT in Northern Kentucky.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
It’s Noted Doom-and Gloom Forecaster Jacob Marley, whose annual Christmas Eve Message is always an ominous foreboding for all of us to mend our self-centered ways.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting what “A Christmas Story” Author Jean Shepherd called “Our Yearly Bacchanalia of Peace on Earth, Good Will Towards Men,” is pleased to permit the chain-dragging Mr. Marley to be our Christmas Week Guest Editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors
- “THE 13 REASONS SANTA CLAUS IS DEFINITELY A CONSERVATIVE” by Adam Shaw, a news editor for FoxNews.com
I’ve been making a list and checking it twice, and although I can’t tell you who’s been naughty or nice, I can say that Santa Claus has all the hallmarks of being a conservative.
Could it be true? Could everyone’s favorite Christmas figure be a right-winger? Well, let’s see the evidence:
1. Did you ever hear Santa wishing someone a “Happy Holidays?” No, for the man in red, it’s always “Merry Christmas” – no matter who it offends.
2. He lives in the North Pole – a tax haven with a zero percent tax rate – hardly a sign of someone who believes in government and wants to pay his “fair share.”
3. Santa’s whole mission is one of private charity. There are no records of the Santa Claus movement being given even $1 in public assistance. Santa epitomizes charity over welfare.
4. He is the sole employer in the area with huge amounts of unskilled elves. Does anyone really believe they are getting above minimum wage? They certainly aren’t getting $15 an hour as the unions demand.
5. Speaking of unions, if one calculates the amount of work required at Christmas, there must be some solid all-nighters being pulled by the Santa team. There’s certainly no room for union-allocated breaks and hour limits. Santa’s factory would not meet the approval of the left.
6.Santa is almost single handedly responsible for the surge of consumerism that pounds our culture every year – a trend that benefits big corporations enormously, and something that our liberal friends despise.
7. On the subject of regulation, does the sleigh meet EPA regulations? Its unspecified power source is hardly an approved fuel – yet Santa seems not to care whether it damages the environment or not. Is Santa a global warming ‘denier?’ It sure sounds like it!
8. Santa also operates what would be an enormous factory right near the ice caps. Definitely no climate change concerns here then.
9. Also, flying reindeer must surely be a protected species. Is it ethical to be using them for intense labor lugging around tons of presents across the globe? PETA would surely have a fit, but Santa appears not to have any concerns for Rudolph and his friends.
10. As for the children to whom he delivers gifts, these are no handouts. Kids must earn their gifts via good behavior, promoting a conservative work ethic, and Santa has no problem with snatching gifts away from naughty kids. Punishment is not a naughty word for Claus.
11. The naughty or nice list also shows an objective moral compass. Santa apparently rejects liberal relativism or explaining away bad behavior with pop psychology and ‘culture’ issues.
12. His love of cookies and large stomach shows a blatant disregard for Michelle Obama’s healthy eating program, as it encourages children to believe that eating vast quantities of cookies is perfectly acceptable. If he were a liberal, he’d be asking for broccoli and cranberry juice.
13. Finally, he works with Coca-Cola – one of the biggest corporations on the planet – something that no self-respecting liberal would even dream of doing.
The evidence is clear – Santa is a conservative. But our liberal friends should not worry, just like a good conservative, Santa excludes no-one! Merry Christmas!
- “AMA INSIGHT” by Congressional Podiatrist Brad Wenstrup, MD
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama’s new health care package.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the Assholes in Washington!
- “PASSWORD PROTECTION” by Edward Snowden
Here’s what happened when I tried to create my password on the ObamaCare web site to get my insurance.
“You must enter a password to proceed.”
“Sorry, too few characters.”
“Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character.”
1 pretty rose
“Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.”
“Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters.”
“Sorry, you must use at least one upper-case character.”
“Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper-case character consecutively.”
“Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters.”
“Sorry, you cannot use punctuation.”
“Sorry, that password is already taken.”
- AND A QUICKIE By Our Good Friend Bobby Leach
I get this poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre every winter, and every winter I love re-reading it.
It’s a beautiful poem and very well written.
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
MORE CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL CARTOONS
DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER LAST YEAR’S “LIBERALS RUINING CHRISTMAS” AWARD THAT WENT to ObamaCare Advocates for releasing this ad featuring Half-Naked Men, because apparently, ObamaCare shills felt the only way to get their message through to the LGBTQ community was to show half-naked men in blatantly suggestive imagery.
Stories We’re Working On
TAX CUTS Are Coming, TAX CUTS Are Coming!
TRUMP TELLS UN: Things Will Be Different
HILLARY VOTERS Still Feasting on Grief
TRUMP backers say it’s the best Christmas ever
SEASONS BEATINGS: Woman Whips Young Sons With Belts For Opening Xmas Gifts Early
TRUMP STILL SAYS he’s not firing #Mueller,
BUT THE MEDIA keep insisting he might
Whistleblower Web Poll
Today, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said they’d like to celebrate Christmas next week:
(A) Trying to get into the Christmas Spirit: 2%
(B) Watching Baby Jesus stories on TV: 1%
(C) Listening to stupid people whine about Donald Trump: 3%
(D) Getting another day off with pay: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
More Duck Dynasty Controversy Exploitation Posters
NOT YET BROKEN NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS HOT LINE
e-mail your best intentions today
Some phony New Year’s Resolution items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally phony New Year’s Resolution subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
New Year’s Resolution Commercial
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.