SUNDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2017
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN on this week in 1998, Slick Willie was impeached for lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice. Do you think any of those Doofus DemocRATS currently calling for Trump’s impeachment will be remembering?
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE would like to remind you of that time our Disgraced DemocRAT Pants-Dropper-in- Chief said, “I did not have sexual relations with that that woman, Miss Lewinsky.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says most voters believe the accusations several women have made against President Trump and say he should resign if they are proven true. But Republicans are far less convinced. The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone and online survey finds that 58% of Likely U.S. Voters believe the allegations of sexual misconduct made by several women against Trump prior to his election as president. Twenty-eight percent (28%) do not, while 14% are undecided. By comparison, 59% believe the allegations by several women who claim former President Bill Clinton sexually assaulted them. Just 13% don’t believe the allegations, while 28% are undecided.
THIS WEEK OUR LATE NIGHT TRUMP-BASHING TV JOKE WATCHER RATED JIMMY FALLON’s: Do you remember that old episode of “The Apprentice” where Trump fires Omarosa and she flips out? Well, I guess they aired a rerun the other night at the White House. It came out yesterday that Omarosa had been fired, but the White House says she’s leaving to pursue other opportunities. Even dogs living on a farm upstate were like, “Yeah, right.”
JAMES CORDEN said: It was revealed that Omarosa, former apprentice contestant and recent White House aide, has been fired. Omarosa is out of a job. So now she’ll be doing, well, pretty much the same thing she was doing at the White House. Absolutely nothing.
JIMMY KIMMEL said: Meanwhile, Roy Moore, you know Roy Moore — the leather-vested loser in the race for Senate in Alabama? Still hasn’t conceded the election. Even though he lost. Not only has he not conceded, he released a YouTube video bemoaning the fact that immorality is sweeping the land. If immorality is sweeping the land, you, my friend, are a Roomba.
SETH MEYERS said: According to CNN, Anderson Cooper’s tweet yesterday calling President Trump a pathetic loser came from someone using his assistant’s phone that was left unattended at the gym. Wait a minute. You can have your assistant go to the gym for you? This is a game-changer! A game-changer!
STEPHEN COLBERT said: We have been buried under an avalanche of bad news, but through the rubble of 2017, there was a glimmer of light, because last night, Roy Moore lost to Doug Jones in Alabama. Jones is the first Democrat to win an Alabama Senate seat in 25 years – so a quarter of a century. The last time Alabama elected a Democratic senator, the biggest movie was “Aladdin,” or, as Roy Moore calls it, “the perfect date movie.”
MORE POLITICAL POETRY: Today we have the “A Visit From St. Nick” from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, found in “Erotic Christmas Poems,” available at better sticky pages bookstores everywhere.
Ol’ Santa made a special stop
At a town up north named Nome
He found a real cute housewife
Whose husband wasn’t home.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read “The Alan Falfa Story”
LAST WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “ANOTHER EXCLUSIVE,” which told about political attempts to influence the Press, first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 10, 1980, and was personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER has been following the fine work of Former Fishwrapper, Investigative Reporter Jim McNair (who used to be at the Kentucky Center for Investigative Reporting and is now turning over rocks at CityBeat). This week in “Chabot back in the travel saddle,” we heard all about the ending of the old Chabothead’s unusual year-long hiatus from traveling abroad at over-taxed payers’ expense, U.S. Rep. Steve Chabot of Cincinnati resumed his globetrotting ways in August with a five-day trip to the Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Slovenia. And why not, the Trumpster didn’t exactly do badly with that woman he met from Novo Mesto, Slovenia (but that was before he was married.)
Also this week, we also heard a rumor that the Public Library of Cincinnati and Hamilton County’s cabal of sheltered fat-ass lazy millionaire dilettante trustees intend to sell off the newer main library building downtown for a pittance in an under-the-table secret deal wherein the trustees will receive chunks of money from the deal. Members of the public are fighting such a deal.
Last week, the trustees hired a consultant from Cleveland at a cost of $40,000 plus expenses for just one meeting to tell the public they are ordered not to speak at the public meeting.
Another rumor has it that this past Monday, the longtime librarian who works in the library’s Teen Space noticed several odd men walking around the teen room. She asked them what they were doing in the Teen Space and they refused to answer. It turns out they were for-profit real estate developers from Cincinnati Center City Development Center–known as “3CDC”–who plan to buy the public building from the library trustees. Within the hour, that librarian got a call from the human resources office telling her she was fired, as of that minute.
So if either of those rumors is true, Investigative Reporter Jim McNair wouldn’t have to travel to Novo Mesto, Slovenia just to find out more about that woman who tickled Trump’s fancy.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 10: Quote G. Gordon Liddy: “A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellowman, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.”
GOING GALT: The phrase ‘Going Galt’ doesn’t simply mean getting angry. That would be “Going Postal.” It means having righteous indignation at the injustice of a political system that bails out individuals and institutions for irresponsible behavior and at the expense of those like you who prosper through hard work and personal responsibly.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says This week: The House passed two measures designed to clarify U.S. money laundering and illicit financing laws as they relate to certain transactions with Iran. The Senate approved three Trump administration nominees to serve on the U.S. Court of Appeals. Next Week: Both the House and Senate are expected to vote on a final tax reform bill (see below) and then extend government funding into mid-January.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and Tuesday night, prospective Free Party members will be camped out waiting for the Freebie Store to start giving away their Free Holiday Food Boxes at 8:00 a.m.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, And Planned To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Crooked Hillary, and get all of their local “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap, and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders Political Insiders were again asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why so many people seem to have trouble finding those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights in Adams County. “Do you think it’s because the Amish don’t have electricity?” Kane said.
“It’s easy to make jokes about the Amish,” Kane added. “They don’t get e-mail, and they’re not on Facebook, so they won’t know they’ve been offended.”
REMEMBER: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio’s Delusional Republican Governor John Kasich, who was on another one of those Sunday TV Talk Shows this morning claiming the GOP is in danger of “losing the future” by turning off millennials, as this Award Winning Illustration from Artis Conception’s Archives clearly shows.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”
MONDAY (DECEMBER 18) we’ll be hearing more about #MuellerGate, and everybody will be hear how many times reporters again ask Trump if he plans to fire the Robert Mueller while The Blower is waiting to confirm identity any of those Congressional Leakers we already know about.
TUESDAY (DECEMBER 19) will be the anniversary of the date Steve Chabothead and the rest of the House Republicans impeached Slick Willie for lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice and our Real Subscribers will be remembering that in their Real E-Mails.
WEDNESDAY (DECEMBER 20) we’ll be bringing you our Special “Holiday Humbuggery” E-dition, where we’ll criticize Scrooge for turning out to be a real wimp.
THURSDAY (DECEMBER 21) we’ll be counting down the number of shoplifting days until Kwanzaa.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (DECEMBER 22) LIMERICK IS: “The worst part of a Hanukkah rhyme.”
AND SATURDAY (DECEMBER 23) we’ll be getting ready for our Annual “Cinci-Kwanzaabration” E-dition, featuring a special looting and burning section for Racial Activists and Left-Wing Apologists in the News Media promoting the Liberal Agenda.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
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