THURSDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2017
And We Really, Really Mean It
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on tomorrow’s date in 1791 the Bill of Rights was finally ratified, and instantly afterwards, Liberals began referring to it as a “living, breathing document,” implying that its text is designed to be flexible, which we all know, it is not. Hurley also says this week was the 381st Birthday of the National Guard, tracing its roots back to the village green in Salem, Massachusetts on December 13, 1636. And just like everybody else in the news media, The Blower missed that important historical anniversary on Tuesday, too.
NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Thomas Jefferson’s “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”
In Washington, our DC Swamp Drainer asks if the Head of the Congressional Ethics Office is really being sued for abusing his position, just because he’s being accused of Assaulting Women? And what about Roy Moore’s “Bashing in ‘Bama” Tuesday night? All it took was $48 million dollars from the Left and the active sabotage by the Washington GOP swamp dwellers who managed to smear a Republican into a 1% defeat. McConnell AND THOSE SENATORS WHO SUPPORT HIM can celebrate their victory. But every Republican in the country now knows (not just the insiders who have known for some time who the Bushie/Swamp/Moderate Slime are) who would rather have a DemocRAT in their club than a Conservative
TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS AGO THIS WEEK: Edition #30 of the Original Whistleblower, was published on December 18, 1990 (back in the really low tech days when The Blower used to be printed and delivered all over town). That week’s “Really Big Story” featured then-Hamilton County Clerk of Courts Joe Deters’ “Yes, Virginia, there is corruption at the courthouse.” The Top Ten List was then-Commissioner Steve Chabot’s ways to cut the county budget. Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane wrote about “Anti-Semitism on Fountain Square.” WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham was defending Joe Deters. Jeff Ruby was organizing a Celebrity Welcome Home From Prison Party for Pete Rose on January 7, 1991. Alan Falfa was first featured as a “Seediest Kid of All.” And we published “21 Ways to be Offensive at a Christmas Party.” [YOU CAN READ THAT ENTIRE EDITION HERE]
MORE PARTY PLANNING: For those who are planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen attending “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Christmas Party at Jack Casino, where the disgraced former U.S. Congresswoman plans to announce her return to politics, let’s all sing the seventh verse of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by producers at “Saturday Night Live,” whose hilarious news parody made Ohio’s Second District Congresswoman a laughingstock all across this great nation when Rachel Dratch played “Mean Jean.” It goes something like this:
On the Seventh Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.
Kind of warms the cockles of your heart, doesn’t it, Portman!
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and The Blower Christmas Dancers will also be at “Mean Jean’s” Party, showing you why they’re favorites at holiday parties all over the tri-state.
MEANWHILE IN ANDERSON, Anderson Trustee Andy Pappas says it’s hard to believe it’s been two whole years since “In Russ We Trust” Jackson presided at his final Anderson Township Trustees Meeting, and there are only 691 more days until “Dee-Day” in 2019. And The Blower says it’s a real shame all those #MeToo bimbos weren’t around in 2012 when Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien was arrested on three counts of public indecency for wagging his weenie in front of a Wellborn woman in a parked car. Think of all the fun we could’ve had!
OBAMA ORNAMENTS: And what better way for Obama’s female followers to demonstrate their fanatical fervor than to purchase another Obama Christmas ornament. That’s why this limited edition “Obama Orgasm” ornament for only $19.95 is so spiritually uplifting, as Obama Supporters in the Press continue to promise “1,054 More Days of Fake News” during Trump’s first term, with proceeds benefiting Obama’s Legal Defense Fund.
STILL IN A HOLIDAY MOOD, Adams County Historian Scott Seaman says “I love Christmas Lights, but they remind me of politicians! They all hang together, half the suckers don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t that bright.” Still, the Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located in East Jesus says those Amazing Amish Christmas Lights in the Wheat Ridge Community are really spectacular this year. If only Ohio Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s office had given directions for the opening ceremonies two weeks ago, all those people wouldn’t still be driving around every night looking for the lights.
Wenstrup’s office has probably gotten a few calls today from outraged Republicans wondering the report that Paul RINO plans to quit Congress in 2018 was just more Fake News. At least this year, folks in Wenstrup’s office haven’t been overwhelmed after some liberal made a donation to Planned Parenthood in the name of Bronzestar Brad.
He (or his minions) went nuts and issued 4 tweets – and even numbered them. This would never have surfaced……..BUT…they had to cry and whine to the world about it on twitter:
BACK IN THE INNER CITY, Kwanzaa Klaus says, “Please tell all the yoofs and racial racketeering protesters there be only twelve mo’ shopliftin’ days till Kwanzaa!”
AND THIS YEAR, HANUKKAH HARRY SAYS JEWS WILL BE CONFUSED, wondering how many candles they have to light on the Hanukkah Menorah tonight.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Ken CamBoo reports next Thursday is the Winter Solstice, and Dave the Druid says “That’s why we like to call our holiday the Wiccan Sabbat of Yule. How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: They don’t screw I a light bulb. They screw in stone circles.
December 21 is also World Fake Orgasm for Peace Day, and Miss Vicki says people keep asking her if her Big “O” Party at the Fort Mitchell Country Club is “for real,” since they’re not 100% certain World Orgasm for Peace Day, being celebrated on the eve of the Winter Solstice is a real event. When in doubt, Google it!
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about The Blower’s “Fake News” Edition earlier today, where the CIA Confirmed the Russian Government Killed Harambe at the Cincinnati Zoo. “Are you kidding?” Kane asked. “The Blower has been making ‘Fake News’ fun hereabouts for the past 27 years, especially for everybody at the Hamilton County Courthouse.”
THIS YEAR, THE COST OF A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE and all the other 11 gifts would set you back $34,558.65. That’s slightly more expensive than last year, according to PNC’s annual index of the 12 Days of Christmas. Here’s PNC’s full breakdown of the 12 days. You can check out a fun infographic here.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our December fund-raising drive by the Kasich for America Campaign, hoping we wouldn’t remember when Ohio’s Delusional Republican Governor was the Rebel Electoral College Group’s compromise candidate to block Trump in last year’s Electoral College vote. (MORE)
CHRISTMAS WISH LIST HOT LINE
e-mail your heartfelt desires today.
Whistleblower Heartwarming Video of the Day
Evil Santa Claus
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.