SUNDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2017
…It’s No Wonder Trump Isn’t Buying Any Of That Climate Change Crap
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1901 the first Nobel Prizes were awarded to those, who, during the preceding year, conferred the greatest benefit on humanity. The Blower says maybe this year, the Nobel Committee should repossess the one Obama won in 2009, for making a series of speeches in the first months of his presidency, which convinced the Peace Prize Committee that he was: “creating a new climate of…multilateral diplomacy…an emphasis on the role of the United Nations…of dialogue and negotiations as instruments for resolving international conflicts…and a vision of world free of nuclear arms.” Do you think the Nobel Committee regrets that press release?
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose P. J. O’Rourke’s “The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke – albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it.”
THIS YEAR, All of us Deplorables will be making Christmas Great Again by hanging Trump ornaments on our Christmas Trees.
MEANWHILE, the best way for all for all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, And Planned To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Crooked Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap, and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19, to show their true devotion to the Obamas during the Christmas Season would just be to buy another Obama Christmas ornament to decorate their crappy Christmas trees, like this “Happy Holidays from Barack and Michelle” for only $15.98 (plus God only knows how much for shipping and handling). Just think, it’ll be just like “1,058 More Days of Christmas” during Trump’s first term, because that’s how many days there’ll be until Donald Trump is re-elected.
MORE PARTY PLANNING: And for those who are planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen attending Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Christmas Party, where the disgraced former U.S. Congresswoman plans to announce her return to politics, let’s all sing the sixth verse of “Mean Jean Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by Clermont County Crony-in-Chief “Buffalo Dave” Uible, who said, “It never matters who wants our endorsement, since all the votes have already been counted.” It went something like this:
On the Sixth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.
Kind of warms the cockles of your heart, doesn’t it, Portman!
AND DON’T FORGET COAST’S SEXUAL-HARASSMENT-FREE CHINTZY CHRISTMAS PARTY THIS YEAR, where Litigious Lawyer Chris Finney and COAST’s Genial Host Jason Gloyd are still making you pay for your own food and drinks. You’d think COAST Co Founder “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman would object, since it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep the spirit of a free meal well.
Now let’s all watch Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and The Blower Christmas Dancers show why they’re favorites at holiday parties all over the tri-state.
UNITED APPALL PEOPLE: Several times a week, alcoholic bartender Paul Puddler visits the John Gilligan Adult Diaper Replacement Clinic for People Who Can’t Stop Leaking, another one of the seemingly endless United Appall Agencies supposedly serving some of the area’s more unfortunate citizens, but mainly providing a paycheck to someone who couldn’t get a real job. Paul hopes the United Appall meets this week’s fundraising goal so he can continue to pick up his daily supply Depends. “I just want to be loved and dry,” says Paul. “Is there anything wrong with that?”
STILL IN A HOLIDAY MOOD, Adams County Historian Scott Seaman says “I love Christmas Lights, but they remind me of politicians! They all hang together, half the suckers don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t that bright.” Still, the Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located in East Jesus says those Amazing Amish Christmas Lights in the Wheat Ridge Community are really spectacular this year. If only Ohio Second District Congressman Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s office had given directions for the opening ceremonies last Saturday, all those people wouldn’t still be driving around every night looking for the lights.
YOU MUST SHOW THE COOKED WISHBONE
FROM YOUR FREE THANKSGIVING TURKEY
TO PROVE YOU ACTUALLY COOKED AND FED YOUR FAMILY
WITH YOUR LAST HAND-OUT!!
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher about his Conservative Christmas Wish List. “Watching Obama’s Legacy Crumble Before Our Very Eyes,” Kane explained. “Plus…Borders: Closed! Language: English! Culture: Constitution, and the Bill of Rights! Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare! No Freebies to Non-Citizens! Also, a Balanced Budget Amendment, Tax Reform, and Term Limits for Congress.”
“Is there anything else you’d like to add to your Wish List,” somebody asked. “Sure,” Kane said. “I wish we won’t get 17 more e-mail copies of that “Conservative Christmas Wish List” I just gave you.
And REMEMBER: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially all those local Hillary Supporters in the media still suffering Trump Derangement Syndrome.
More Conservative Christmas Cartoons
COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVE HOT LINE
e-mail your enormous empathy today
Some Holiday Spirit items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Holiday Spirited Subscribers
WHISTLEBLOWER CHRISTMAS VIDEOS
The Most Touching Gift
An Obama Christmas Carol (ANIMATED)