THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2017
Seediest Kids of All
The Whistleblower’s 27th Annual Seediest Kids of All Campaign (not associated with the Failed United Way) began earlier this week.
We’re featuring some truly inspirational stories about the waifs and urchins we claim to have helped in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky, just so you’ll believe we actually give a big rat’s ass.
Why don’t we have a more traditional holiday guilt campaign like the rest of the corrupt news media? No charity made our beloved publisher its president in exchange for free publicity and our “endorsement” we don’t have a fat weatherman turned radio talk-show host who was never actually convicted of beating up his girlfriend, and all the really good dead celebrities other than Harriet Beecher Stowe, “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann, and “BeanBall Jim” Bunning have already been taken.
This Week’s Seediest Kid of All is “Gex” Wanker, a bright little 9-year-old Bluegrass boy at Ridgerunner Elementary School, whose cruel classmates taunted him mercilessly, not just because he was years older than the other kindergartners, but because his name “Gex” rhymed with “Sex.”
So the Seediest Kids of All (not associated with the Failed United Way) asked Gex’s parents to choose a more appropriate name to enhance the boy’s self esteem and got their permission to have his name changed legally. They got a prominent Northern Kentucky attorney (not Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters) to go to the courthouse and ask the judge for a paper to take to school so everyone would know his name had been officially changed.
“Gex’s” cruel classmates still taunt him mercilessly, even more than before his parents officially changed his name to “Shithead.”
The Wanker family called to express their gratitude for all our help, but it’s really you they have to thank, since it’s your liberal guilt giving throughout the year which makes it all possible.
Rick “the Bat Boy” Robinson says today’s “Seediest Kid of All” is his all-time favorite. Can you figure out why?