Special “Andersonian Amours Update” E-dition

Maybe a Remedial Writing Class Would Help
This morning at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane for an update on latest scandal at the Forrest Gump Schools where Director of Business Operations Ray Johnson resigned and Treasurer Rick Toepfer and Amorous Administrative Assistant Beth Brulport were put on paid leave after the turned-on trio were accused of “sending explicit sexual messages to each other” during school hours and using school accounts and devices.

Now let’s check out some of that so-called “Sexting.”

“Have you ever seen such silly stuff in your life?” Kane asked. “How’s somebody supposed to get turned-on reading drivel like that?”

That poorly-written prose was certainly not up to The Blower’s standards, all of the Political Insiders agreed, especially after Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo reminded the group about that time Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson (shown being hugged by “BeanBall Jim” Bunning) had gone on Sean Hannity’s TV Show to be part of the Great Unknown Americans Panel and plug his first book that was ranked 1,149,113 on the Amazon.com best seller list.

Who will forget Miss Vicki’s long-awaited puff piece plugging Rick’s autobiographically correct tell-all book that failed to include any of the actual passionate phrases in Rick’s bodice-ripping, hot-moist breath whispering shallowly from her lungs; as his tongue slipped between her parted lips and tasted the sweetness of her mouth; uncommonly sensitive perky young breasts that tingled to his touch; her muscular, milky-white thighs igniting his sideburns; firm-round buttocks still bearing the imprint of his fingers from the last time he had to hold on for dear life; moving her lower body in a frenzied fervor atop a floured butcher block table in the kitchen; shuddering uncontrollably with pulsating waves of pleasure convulsing in a chain of spasms, though it seemed impossible, he delved deeper into her with each rhythmic push, guiding his turgid manhood inch by incredible inch past her voluptuous vulva (not the car), so that love’s sweet lava could flow into her wet-and-willing tunnel-of-love novel, which includes that memorable 14-page-long blow job scene beginning on Page 64.

Can’t you just imagine “Trish The Dish” reading something like that on Channel 19?

More CheaterLand Updates Later