Special “Supporting Your Local Killer Robot” E-dition


MONDAY, JULY 10, 2017

RoboCop To The Rescue

Yesterday in Patronage County, on the anniversary of Dallas Police Chief David Brown’s strong defense of his department’s use of a robot with an explosive to kill Black Power Radical Micah X., Kneepad Liberals in the Press couldn’t stop whining about how police had used a killer robot to ensure public safety.

“We did it to save their lives,” Brown said. “That’s not worth my time to debate at this point.”

Someone else who wasn’t debating was Patronage County Sheriff Buford Flogg, who had just ordered a new M1A1 RoboCop to patrol the courthouse, complete with a modular weapons system.

The left hand will be equipped with one 20mm gun retrofitted with three heat-seeking missiles. The right hand will hold two additional 20mm guns. And in a clever touch, a pocket behind the robot’s head will be equipped with twin launchers which could be loaded with either mortars or gas grenades for crowd control.

“We also might as well order one of those $1.3 Million Mercedes WaWe10 after seeing Water Cannons in action at the G20 Conference in Hamburg, Germany last week,” explained Sheriff Flogg, “just in case any of Obama’s Black Lies Really, Really Matters Terrorists decide to invade Patronage County. If they do, they’ll be damn sorry they did.”