SUNDAY, JUNE 25, 2017
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1876 Lieutenant Colonel George Armstrong Custer had a lapse in judgment when he underestimated the number of Indians on the JV Team at the Battle of the Little Big Horn, and also forgot to bring his three Gatling guns because they might slow down his cavalry, not unlike the lapse in judgment Obama exhibited when people told him he was making a big mistake pulling all our troops out of Iraq before the mission had been successfully completed.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee Chose Custer’s “’Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians.”
MEANWHILE IN WASHINGTON, Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Vice President Mike Pence has finally found a big guy to play center on the GOP Basketball Team.
THIS WEEK, WITH SUMMER SORT OF SWELTERING AND WE HAVE ANOTHER TIMELY POEM FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES.
Summer is the time for sports
So search for a lovely doll
Who is yearning for some action
And willing to play ball.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “Holiday Price Hikes,” everybody was filling up his gas tank to avoid the holiday price hikes next week, and our three Cost-Conscious County Commissioners were complaining about the high price of gasoline these days. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
OUR MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says wonders about CityBeat Investigative Reporter Jim McNair’s report about why Sycamoron Township’s Republican Club has been banned from funneling festival beer profit into election campaigns. You can read all about that HERE.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Voters are still critical of the news coverage President Trump is getting and continue to believe most reporters are out to get him AND 76% of GOP Voters believe most reporters are biased against Trump. (MORE)
THIS WEEK, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID WE’RE STILL HEARING TOO MUCH LEFT-WING HATE SPEECH FROM OUR LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS
Today, Trump tweeted that he doesn’t have recordings of his conversations with former FBI Director James Comey. He doesn’t have them. Then one guy said [Russian accent], “Don’t worry, you can borrow ours.”
NASA reports that it had a record 18,000 applicants to be astronauts. And apparently 1,000 more apply every time President Trump tweets.
At a rally in Iowa last night, Trump unveiled a new plan for his long-proposed border wall [clip of Trump]: “We’re thinking about building the wall as a solar wall so it creates energy and pays for itself.” A solar wall. Now he’s literally blowing sunshine up our [butts].
This morning Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell showed us a draft of his top-secret new healthcare legislation. They opened the vault, they laid the bill out on a table, rubbed lemon juice all over it, and the text magically appeared for all to see. And wouldn’t you know it, the bill includes a big tax cut for rich people. So unless you just got drafted by an NBA team, it’s not great news.
Senate Republicans today released a draft of their bill to repeal and replace Obamacare, which would cut taxes for richer Americans and insurance companies, and defund Planned Parenthood for one year. The bill is so bad, President Trump said, “Does anyone have any questions for me about Russia?
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #217 says ask them to guess who said this: “The soundest way to raise revenues in the long run is to cut taxes now. The purpose of cutting taxes now is… to achieve the more prosperous, expanding economy which can bring a budget surplus.” Ronald Reagan? One of the Bushes? F. A. Hayek? Arthur Laffer? No, it was JFK.
JOHN GALT says, “I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says The House passed bipartisan legislation to provide grants to states for demonstration projects that provide wage subsidies to help certain low-income individuals to enter and retain employment. The Senate confirmed several sub-cabinet nominations.
Next Week: The schedule in the House has not yet been determined. The Senate will vote on various nominations and could vote on comprehensive health care legislation to repeal and replace Obamacare (see below).
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others. Bernie Goldberg says the thing about old socialist politicians, like Bernie Sanders who is 75 and Britain’s Jeremy Corbyn who is 68, is that they have youth on their side. Across the pond, the youth vote allowed the British Bernie Sanders to do a lot better than the so-called experts thought he’d do in the recent general election. Here in America, we all know how the millenials went ga-ga for our Bernie. He got more millennial votes in the primaries than Hillary and Donald – combined.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how hard The Fishwrap will be trying to promote another Tensing Retrial. “Our Feckless Fishwrappers will be pulling out all the stops,” Kane explained, especially after their Tensing Retrial Coverage won this year’s “Clickbait Awards” for publishing content (on the Internet) the main purpose of which was to attract attention and encourage visitors to click on a link to a particular web page.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially when Award-Winning Illustrator Artis Conception shows us what it might look like if “JayWalking Joe” Deters handles the Third Tensing Trial himself.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JUNE 26) we’ll be featuring “Plagiarized Programming” E-dition when we explain “Great Ideas Aren’t Thought Up, They’re Stolen!”
TUESDAY (JUNE 27) as usual we’ll be featuring our “Conservative Cartoonery Putting the Right Slant on the News” and our “Disingenuous DemocRAT Talking Points Memo”
WEDNESDAY (JUNE 28), in our “Those Were The Good Old Days E-dition,” we’ll show you Edition #57 (published on July 2, 1991) of the original printed edition of The Whistleblower (not the Newswire) was delivered to Persons of Consequence all over town.
THURSDAY (JUNE 29) in “Political Punchlines,” we’ll be taking a look at some of that left-wing hate speech from our late night comedians
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JUNE 30) LIMERICK IS “When we celebrate the Fourth of July.”
AND SATURDAY (JULY 1) we’ll be getting ready to cover the Holy Homophobic Heterosexual Fourth of July Day Parade in Anderson, and you can just imagine how fairly balanced that will be.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
TODAY’S WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO
“All the DemocRATS have is hate” – Greg Gutfeld Monologue | Greg Gutfeld Show | 6/24/17
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